Sufferer Scared Newby - Childhood Trauma, Abuse, & Trying To Quit Porn As A Coping Mechanism

[Sinner]

Childhood trauma. Abuse survivor. Having vivid flashbacks. Making me act out. I hate porn. Want to quit using it as a coping mechanism. Desperate for help. For some reason I feel like it makes me remember things that will answer why or validate why I deserved to be hurt. I feel like trash. I want to end my life at times. I feel so hopeless and ashamed.

 

[Kubash16]

Hey :hug: we understand. We can talk it through on here. Are you seeing a therapist?

 

[Sinner]

I was. I stopped when the therapist told it that what made me so tough. So the abusers actually did me a favor. That was two years ago. I never when back. VA. I just reached out for help again today to be referred to therapist.

 

[Wendell_R]

Lots of us have acted out, and you're not alone. And we've shared the feelings you're having. You're brave to speak up and ask for help.

 

[Kubash16]

Acting out is part of the job description ?. That was a really shitty therapist, the fact that it was VA doesn’t surprise me. I am so glad you reached out again today though!

 

[Sinner]

Thank you. My health is not good and I believe all the stress from serious Illnesses is what's triggering this again.

 

[Kubash16]

Stress can do number on the body and mind. Have you utilized any coping skills for the stress?

 

[Sinner]

Prayer. Deep breathing. Crying. Called VA suicide hotline. Got put on hold. Cried again.

 

[Sinner]

So tired.

 

[Wendell_R]

Those are good things. Maybe you can find a soft blanket to wrap around you.

 

[Kubash16]

The blanket is a really good idea. Can you do that and put on a movie you know you enjoy and let yourself get lost in it?

 

[Sinner]

I instinctively starting cuddling up with a soft blanket. Getting ready to do Dr. Quinn Video with wife. It's old but it feels safe.