Disability is one of those things that, let's face it, is just plain scary for a number of reasons.
Personally, I'm scared of going out and be dependent on the government for my basic needs. I am out currently on FMLA and short-term disability for a TBI. It's not fun. It's actually very difficult and scary for me. I've worked hard to never be dependent on anyone and yet, here I am back at that place- even if only temporarily.
One of the most difficult things to grasp is that disability-especially for metal illness- can be both fluid and lies on a continuum. What might be very true for you today may not be true about you in a year.
Could it be that your therapist sees potential for you that you do not see for yourself? Absolutely. My therapist LOVES to herald the amazing attributes of the plasticity of the brain. Yes, to the point where sometimes I would like to throat punch him. BUT he has a point! Why bother going to therapy if the point is not to get BETTER, to feel BETTER? Otherwise we would just be wasting our time and money rehashing things.
I'm in therapy long term. I know that. But I also know that I hope one day to be well and NOT go to therapy. I am certainly a different person than I was three years ago when I entered. I'm not healed, I'm not whole, YET. But progress is made and that fluid motion towards being whole continues. THAT HOPE keeps me going back every week. Seriously, dude is nice and all, but not nice enough to spend that much money on chatting with every week.:cautious:
The question at hand however is whether you and your therapist see things eye to eye about the here and now. THAT is the question you two need to discuss. Not your potential at some future date, but your ability to function in the here and now. Your potential needs to be discusses as well, and I think that you will hear that your therapist may be the annoying cheerleader that mine is as well. THAT'S A GOOD THING. That means there's something there that she sees that you do not. But that will open the door for the conversation about where you see yourself right now.
Nothing but good comes from this.
Your therapist needs to hear from you how difficult it is in the HERE AND NOW so that she can assist you in coming up with a strategy to make all of this easier.
What could all of this mean for you? It could mean that you could receive accommodations at work or depending on your job and training, maybe working from home if that is available to you.(this is something I have for when I am in a highly symptomatic period of time and it helps).
Does that mean full SSD? It could. It could mean that in the short term while you two work to help you heal so that eventually you get back your life and the ability to work. It could mean that she helps you get better coping strategies in place and FMLA while you work intensely on immediate issues at hand.
Getting full social security disability for PTSD is difficult. BEYOND difficult.
I'm curious: you say you want to give up. Could it be that you're afraid and this feels too big to overcome? I don't ask that to be mean. I really don't.
Again, different perspective. When I was told I needed to take time off for the TBI, I had ZERO information. I just knew that my symptoms were getting worse and I went straight to catastrophic thinking (Oh HEY, that's a PTSD thing) And was really upset that I might wind up on disability.(I'm unable to sit up at a computer for longer than an hour without having to lie down. It's been kind of terrifying) My therapist saw this and helped pull me back from the ledge. I needed reminding to take things one small step at a time and not try to eat the whole whale in one giant bite (Thanks Shel Silverstein)
Go to your therapist with your concerns. Ask the question and tell her about where you see yourself currently with your ability to cope with day-to-day AND how exhausted your big picture thinking has left you.
Guaranteed she's going to be your biggest cheerleader but she needs to know where you are now, warts and all.
