Scared To Write My Trauma Diary

[Notsowild]

I'm getting a little scared to post anymore about my abuse. There are so many years I don't remember. And the years I do remember the abuse was so horrific that I'm scared it will bring up stuff I can't handle

Can anyone understand ?

 

[Seasounds]

Yes, absolutely, I can understand. I believe that you can choose to record in your trauma diary, in different ways, in your own timing.

Writing about my trauma is encountering trauma, in another form. You hinted at something I agree with; sometimes writing expresses and releases tensions, and at other times, it can intensify tensions. I follow my intuition, experience, and feelings.

I have chosen to verbally share my trauma with therapists. In my trauma diary, I tend to write about flashbacks that are triggered in my daily life. I guess I do t like to go into them alone.

Do what is comfortable for you.

 

[franciemarnie]

Trust your gut. Do only what feels right at the moment. Things change.

I sometimes write or speak metaphorically to approach my trauma in a safe way. It is still the truth, but in a different language.

 

[The Albatross]

Yes, yes, yes. I resisted the process and suggestions to have a diary for a decade, but I made more progress when I did and do it. The thing about having a diary is that you don't have to share things you can't handle. I didn't. I started the process by doing timed writing and just let my fingers do the walking. I have a good amount of lost time and things I might not ever remember. I also have not shared every single trauma on my diary... but I still have received some benefits since starting the practice.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Yes, take your time. It took me weeks to finish the phases of my life and get them posted. It was very uncomfotable and scary because I'm being vulnerable by letting others see what was inside me. Not to mention the embaressment that these things happened and after a while I feel like I just continued to put myself in a position to get hurt.

 

[arfie]

Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the facing of fear.

In my own journey, the courage to trust my own instincts is even harder than confronting those repressed memories.

Trust your gut. Your own time is right on time in the healing process.

 

[therisa]

@Notsowild , your dairy can be expressed through poetry, if you find that way easier to express, yourself. As the others have mention, take your time and be gradual, in your exploration of the past, trusting your instincts. And no one says, you have to write down everything every day. Good luck.

 

[Marf]

Yes, I understand also. I spent so many years keeping everything secret, it is hard to then do the opposite. As others have said, respect yourself and do what feels comfortable. Secrets are kept for a number of reasons and the fear of breaking those "rules" is scary.

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks everyone for all your advice. I love this forum!!!

I still haven't posted anymore in my diary. There is still that fear of releasing more trauma I can't handle. I have had a lot of therapy and groups over the years but there is still so much hidden inside.

I definitely need more therapy:locktopic: