tam, you will heal.
I too, have considered drinking for the pain, but it will only prevent the healing.
I've also considered starving and sweating my weight off until I am nothing but bones... to express my pain, but this is not healing either.
Many people do not believe me when I tell them what I'm going through. But here, people are understanding, because they know what I'm going through - it's called PTSD.
You survived the events, but you can heal from the PTSD as well, and learn how to live (hopefully without that kind of pain).
Please don't fall into drinking, I want to hear from you again.
Take care!