SeanCharles
Diamond Member
Beginning in the fall of 2002, after a wild roller coaster ride through hell and maybe the nether region of that place; which had began on my birthday in 2000 in which I turned 31 years old, a really bad decision on my part at the time, came to a near explosive halt leaving me feeling several mixed emotions. Such emotions as :cry: :mad: :inlove: among a whole lot of others which was based on either lust really or infatuation with a woman.
In revisiting this chapter of my past, I look back and do see things I likely could have done a lot differently then If only I knew then what I know about myself now.
At that time I had seen the PTSD in me, I didn't know back then that much of my anger/rage and other emotions, thoughts and most of my baggage were the tel tail signs of what I know now was my PTSD stress cup overflowing was one of the many problems then combined with the known ADHD and the dissociative problems among the hosts of other unresolved childhood baggage that I had brought with me into the relationship when I blatantly ignored all red flags that I was seeing with her while I realize now to as I did in 2002, that I wouldn't be the person I am here and now without this chapter in my past.
In 2002 I worked hard through the grief portions of losing this relationship, but there was remaining baggage that because of the nature of the peer support program I could not examine the remaining baggage then which I can do now because of this wonderful community of helpful and supportive family here at myPTSD! when I say family everyone here is in essence an extended family! Many here who have over the few years I've been a member then made a wise decision to upgrade that membership to a premium one I am sure have gotten to know me here. Sure, we have secrets! This is one that like my non work thread about the boy on the wall is one that I feel comfortable here enough to share with my friends, my extended family!
I am going to stop here for now and will share this chapter of my life in nibbles and bites.
In revisiting this chapter of my past, I look back and do see things I likely could have done a lot differently then If only I knew then what I know about myself now.
At that time I had seen the PTSD in me, I didn't know back then that much of my anger/rage and other emotions, thoughts and most of my baggage were the tel tail signs of what I know now was my PTSD stress cup overflowing was one of the many problems then combined with the known ADHD and the dissociative problems among the hosts of other unresolved childhood baggage that I had brought with me into the relationship when I blatantly ignored all red flags that I was seeing with her while I realize now to as I did in 2002, that I wouldn't be the person I am here and now without this chapter in my past.
In 2002 I worked hard through the grief portions of losing this relationship, but there was remaining baggage that because of the nature of the peer support program I could not examine the remaining baggage then which I can do now because of this wonderful community of helpful and supportive family here at myPTSD! when I say family everyone here is in essence an extended family! Many here who have over the few years I've been a member then made a wise decision to upgrade that membership to a premium one I am sure have gotten to know me here. Sure, we have secrets! This is one that like my non work thread about the boy on the wall is one that I feel comfortable here enough to share with my friends, my extended family!
I am going to stop here for now and will share this chapter of my life in nibbles and bites.
