ISupportHer
Diamond Member
A lot has been said on the forum about Carers' responses, good and bad. There are just so many good resources out there to help.
A book, "Ghost in the Bedroom, A guide for partners of incest survivors", for one. In spite of the title, it is not all about sex. It starts out with with chapters entitled, "It's driving Me Crazy" which explores feelings many of us have, and "My Core Issues" which is about relationships, dependency and co dependency. How we as carers need to evaluate ourselves in order to be of any benifit to our sufferers. A similar book is "Allies In Healing"
These are NOT an easy read. Frank discussions including the fact that suffers die, they commit suicide sometimes. That relationships fail because of this. They are not just a feel good, everything will be OK kind of books. That is my disclaimer.
So, about the self exploration. Another book I have found helpful is
Depression Fallout: The Impact Of Depression On Couples and What you can Do to Preserve The Bond"
One author's opinion on a predictable response by Carers. That there ARE steps but that they are not necessarily 1, 2, 3 and that you can ebb and flow among them. Cannot quote specically but:
First, confusion as we become aware of a problem. Many times before a specific diagnosis.
Second, self-doubt. Is it ME? Is the other person having an affair? Those feeling many of us go through as we try to grasp for a reason.
Third, demoralization. That there is nothing that can be done, including a sense of resentment toward your partner.
Fourth, resentment grows into anger. Everything is upside down and blame is placed on the person but NOT the disease.
Fifth, unhappiness to the point that you feel you need to escape. The point of break up or divorce, partly because it becomes so painful that you just cannot take it anymore.
This book also is not all about the sufferer BUT also about us as carers. OUR feelings and OUR part in it.
OK, so that is my contribution for today. A few resources I have found and hope will help someone else.
Back to my disclaimer. At least from my personal experience. Don't read these at night. These are not topics you can explore, put down, turn off the light and go to sleep. Hell, sometimes I can only take a few pages at a time, LOL
ISH
A book, "Ghost in the Bedroom, A guide for partners of incest survivors", for one. In spite of the title, it is not all about sex. It starts out with with chapters entitled, "It's driving Me Crazy" which explores feelings many of us have, and "My Core Issues" which is about relationships, dependency and co dependency. How we as carers need to evaluate ourselves in order to be of any benifit to our sufferers. A similar book is "Allies In Healing"
These are NOT an easy read. Frank discussions including the fact that suffers die, they commit suicide sometimes. That relationships fail because of this. They are not just a feel good, everything will be OK kind of books. That is my disclaimer.
So, about the self exploration. Another book I have found helpful is
Depression Fallout: The Impact Of Depression On Couples and What you can Do to Preserve The Bond"
One author's opinion on a predictable response by Carers. That there ARE steps but that they are not necessarily 1, 2, 3 and that you can ebb and flow among them. Cannot quote specically but:
First, confusion as we become aware of a problem. Many times before a specific diagnosis.
Second, self-doubt. Is it ME? Is the other person having an affair? Those feeling many of us go through as we try to grasp for a reason.
Third, demoralization. That there is nothing that can be done, including a sense of resentment toward your partner.
Fourth, resentment grows into anger. Everything is upside down and blame is placed on the person but NOT the disease.
Fifth, unhappiness to the point that you feel you need to escape. The point of break up or divorce, partly because it becomes so painful that you just cannot take it anymore.
This book also is not all about the sufferer BUT also about us as carers. OUR feelings and OUR part in it.
OK, so that is my contribution for today. A few resources I have found and hope will help someone else.
Back to my disclaimer. At least from my personal experience. Don't read these at night. These are not topics you can explore, put down, turn off the light and go to sleep. Hell, sometimes I can only take a few pages at a time, LOL
ISH
