Seeking Advice: Trauma and Life Event Timeline Project

[Charbella]

So I’m wondering about a trauma/life timeline. I know those are two different things. T asked today about doing a timeline with significant events. Not sure I’m signing up for that project so I thought I’d ask others.

What did you include?
What did it actually look like (probably my most important question)?
How in depth is it?
What were your instructions?

Anything else you think might be helpful would be much appreciated.

 

[Charbella]

It’s always time-limited - if I leave it out and do it in pieces and come back to it over and over it’s like a therapy session that never ends!! The follow up activity, for me, is essential.

This is VERY helpful, thanks. My ADHD brain likes to latch on and keep pressing or abandon it altogether.

Actually, putting the bare facts together wasn’t particularly distressing at first. I kept it all pretty cerebral. Keeping detail out of it helped me get it all down, rather than trying to revisit the events that I was referring to. Dealing with the detail, and the relationships between events was the work for therapy sessions.

I get the impression what T was after was a more detailed version, however he might well be thinking we’d add detail to it in sessions or smaller chunks.

 

[Sideways]

I get the impression what T was after was a more detailed version

Yeah, for sure.

But the detailed version is essentially an autobiography, right?

If your brain is making this bigger than Ben Hur, my suggestion would be to chunk down the task till you get what feels like a manageable, achievable task (likely this is super simple). Then gradually add to it.

IMO, a vague sketch that you can do is more helpful than an autobiography that you can’t do (and so doesn’t get done, and doesn’t end up being helpful). Finding your sweet spot, what is achievable for you, and getting that down, means you set yourself a goal that you can achieve, and you can build on that in due course.

 

[Freida]

excel is my friend!

I started with every time someone has said to me "wtf? what happened to you?!!"
One column for how old I was, one column for what happened. Just a title - not the whole scenario

I didn't use MY definition of trauma (because, well, minimizing and what not LOL)
I used the reactions I've gotten from other people over the years.
Plus it took off the pressure of me actually looking at them at once and getting swallowed up.

I thought it would be 4 or 5.
Ended up being 32.
That made my brain hurt. But since I had set the parameters I had to take it into t and say ok, here's what I think might be trauma but I think some of them are just melodrama.

She said, " Freida, when I have people do this exercise they usually come back with 4 or 5. You had 32. Can you see the difference?" Que the blah blah, denial, minimizing, and so on

The thing I didn't realize I had also done? A third column with something good that had happened at the same time. Ya. Didn't even notice, she had to point it out to me. Yep, that's been fodder for a lot of sessions!

I go back every so often to look at it, and it has really helped because separating them out like that lets me work on them one at a time. Plus I could pull out the "smaller" ones and build from there. As we solve the little ones I can check them off the list, which helps build my confidence.

 

[Charbella]

But since I had set the parameters I had to take it into t and say ok, here's what I think might be trauma but I think some of them are just melodrama.

Queen of minimization you are!

Plus I could pull out the "smaller" ones and build from there.

^^^hate this thought pattern, mine not yours. The “smaller ones” have been knocking me on my a** lately. I’m so over thinking, yeah I can’t do that one it isn’t as bad as —— and I handled it, thought I’m starting to see a pattern…

T hasn’t assigned it yet BUT his general thoughts were remembered events vs trauma. Though having just typed that I’m thinking that may be a carefully laid trap. most of my memories are tagged to the times something didn’t go well. I wouldn’t call it trauma but I would say fear is a factor. Like the year we got a puppy for Christmas. My parents had a strict rule about the time we were allowed to get up, I didn’t know until that year that my brothers had always gotten up before checked out what Santa left and got back in bed. So I decided I would sneak out, I kept hearing noises and rushed back to my room, when it was finally time, I figured out it was the pup who’d been making the noises.

I’m considering doing paper, and appointing a sheet of paper to each year with the exception of putting 0-4 on the same sheet because I’m not sure how much I remember.

T thinks I’m not seeing all the pressures I was under at the ages things were happening.

 

[Freida]

T thinks I’m not seeing all the pressures I was under at the ages things were happening.

yaaa...this was the part that bit me in the ass! Seeing it as others saw it was (who am I kidding -- still is) really hard to accept. And yes - it's a trap!

 

[Friday]

The timeline of my life? Only takes a few minutes to create… and includes ALL of the chapters of my life.

My trauma timeline? Took me TWO YEARS to create, only using chapters. an ACTUAL trauma timeline? 20+ years after first trying, I have still be unable to complete.

It’s a curiousness… for me.

As the chapters of my life ALSO contain my trauma points, spikes, chapters/subchapters. But? Life = Are easy to “reach”. But my trauma timeline = damn electric/toxic it resists handling.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

 

[Charbella]

As the chapters of my life ALSO contain my trauma points, spikes, trauma. But? Are easy to “reach”. But my trauma timeline is so damn electric/toxic it resists handling.

Yeah I’m afraid I’m going to take on the impossible project and therefore never complete it.

You know the endless pile of started/stopped projects you have as a person with adhd?

 

[Friday]

You know the endless pile of started/stopped projects you have as a person with adhd?

Geography.

Everything becomes a beach, in the end. No matter how high the mountain.

 

[Ecdysis]

take on the impossible project and therefore never complete it

Is that not a form of avoidance tho? That idea of "letting perfect be the enemy of good"? By having to make it perfect, you never have to complete it, never have to use it in a therapy session...?

 

[Charbella]

Is that not a form of avoidance tho? That idea of "letting perfect be the enemy of good"? By having to make it perfect, you never have to complete it, never have to use it in a therapy session...?

Absolutely. And sometimes by design I let myself drop into that trap.

I’m trying to make it a one pager with enough information to work from but not so much it’s overwhelming. I’m calling it a first draft because then the implication is it’s not perfect and doesn’t need to be. I got about 10 minutes into it before abandoning it. BUT I left everything out in my craft room so I can easily pick it up again when I’m ready.

I made the mistake of attempting to get all the CSA on it in one go (zero detail just name and age range). Seeing so many all together, triggering.

 

[Ecdysis]

Nice work on getting as much done as you did, on setting a realistic goal and on taking a break when needed! Three gold stars

 

[Freida]

I’m trying to make it a one pager with enough information to work from but not so much it’s overwhelming

Yep! This is what I did- no more than 3 words per trauma. And I did it fast because if I had to actually think about what I was writing I would have stopped. Think of it kind of like a brain dump. You are getting something down that you can within about more in depth eventually

10 minutes is an awesome start! Baby steps count!!!!