Self Care And Self Improvement

[Britt.f7]

I quit smoking many months ago

This makes me very happy to hear. Even though my mom had a heart attack and then surgery that put her into a coma, she would have had a better chance of living had her lungs been free and clear. She was at least a pack a day or more smoker. When they told me what her breathing tube looked like when they pulled it out, despite them suctioning it daily, I was horrified. Sad thing is, when my sister and I went to her apartment to take care of some things for her we found that she was about to start the patch.

I know what you are doing is difficult. I've seen the people around me struggle despite seeing one relative die from copd and another (my mother) struggle to survive because her lungs couldn't keep up...both within two months of each other.

So Kudos to you!

So I budgeted to buy some nice, comfortable clothes to wear at home and I get dressed as soon as I get up

I've started doing this. Though, lately, I bought some sweatshirts to wear around the house to keep me warm. I love being in my jammies, but that is embarrassing when letting out the dogs and kind of a downer. I feel more accomplished when I get dressed.

I know I need to start small and achievable

Maddog, try only doing one or two goals at a time. Two theories on this. You could pick the harder of the bunch and set to accomplish that first, therefore all the easier ones will fall into place. Or you could do the easier ones first and build up to the harder one, finding encouragement in the fact you already accomplished all the rest. They say it takes at least 16 to 21 times of doing something before it becomes a habit. That's good to know, well for me, that it isn't as easy as just doing it once or twice. It gives me a number to work with, which is what I'm going to use as guidance for myself in my goals.

I'm horrible at throwing myself into my goals all at once. Problem with that is I burn out. Then I have no energy or desire to accomplish anything and start feeling bad (more) about myself. Little steps is right. I'm going to focus on one thing at a time. I need to build myself up to exercise. I'm starting out at home on a treadmill, instead of going to a gym(which can be frightening for me) and counting the days down. Increasing the time little by little, so as to not burn myself out. Hopefully this will build my body up. Once I can accomplish that I'll move on to adding something else.

My wish to all is that we can continue to help ourselves for ourselves. We deserve it.

 

[maddog]

Wow, Hashi, you wash the dishes twice a day? I'm seriously, seriously impressed! I'm not going to add any commentary on how often that happens at my place...

I've just been thinking that one of my key problems with goals is that I don't stick to them in their original form, but tend to start to shift them further away the moment I start getting close. This is strongly linked to obsessive perfectionism for me, or perhaps more correctly to the sense that nothing I ever do is enough.

So if I set myself the goal of walking for half an hour a day, the first time I do it I feel as though I need to keep going and do 40 minutes, or 45, or an hour... right up to the point at which I am totally exhausted and literally can't do any more. And then, the only part of the whole exercise that I seem to internalise is the fact that I was exhausted at the end, in other words, that I failed.

I can't believe how obsessively and dangerously I seem to do this with all of my goals. I can't ever keep them modest and realistic and stick to them... and can't ever, ever feel ok about it if I do.

I know there are a truckload of cognitive distortions and self defeating beliefs caught up in this whole pattern of behaviour, but it's one of the reasons I find it so hard to make progress, or to recognize progress when I do make it.

Wishing I could just really believe what I say, that being that you have to start out small and celebrate your small achievements before moving on to bigger ones. I know that's true... for everyone else, ya know...

Maddog

 

[Sailorgal]

Once I can accomplish that I'll move on to adding something else.

I think also the little thing or one thing should be something that we CAN feel a sense of accomplishment and/or see it. Like exercise - you can measure the progress. I personally find doing something where I see or feel the difference helps.

 

[Sailorgal]

I can't believe how obsessively and dangerously I seem to do this with all of my goals. I can't ever keep them modest and realistic and stick to them... and can't ever, ever feel ok about it if I do.

Have a plan and stick to it. Example, if it's 30 min, then just 30 min and who cares if you are huffing and puffing or feel like you did nothing. Set a timer and a notice on your phone or watch.....congratulating yourself for doing 30 min. Maybe the first step for you Maddog is just doing what you plan. :)

 

[Abstract]

obsessive perfectionism

Maddog, I just had some profound :p thoughts and sharings and lost them. I shall see if I can come back when I have the energy.

I just wanted to say that I relate to a lot of this even though I am so much better with type of perfectionism and obsessive thinking. And that I think that sometimes we need to approach things slightly differently. But that I understand what you are saying. I have found some things that helped me get around it a bit.

 

[Ayasha]

Wishing I could just really believe what I say, that being that you have to start out small and celebrate your small achievements before moving on to bigger ones. I know that's true... for everyone else, ya know...

I think I can relate to this. For me, I think it is more due to my parents placing very high and unrealistic goals for me throughout life. I am truly expected to be perfect and do more than everyone else. Limitations like my asthma are to be made fun of and shouldn't slow me down.

In fact, I nearly killed myself working one summer. I was working in a deli where we cleaned the grills with a very strong chemical, it was triggering my asthma every time and I just kept going through it every day for a few months. It caught up with me; I started having asthma attacks (something I had never gone through before) to the point I had to go to urgent care twice within a week where the doctors gave me steroid shots because no air was moving through part of my lungs. Went to a specialist a week later and it turns out I had gone down to 50% lung function which I have been working up from since then (which has been about a year and a half).

My point here is that we should tell those irrational thoughts that tell us to do so much more how they are wrong. I don't always do this, I won't lie. I have been conditioned and trained throughout life to the point that I feel I must always do more than I should.

 

[GreenFrog2]

I know I need to start small and achievable

I try to do "things for me" everyday and usually do - I'm just or sure how much they help as I am perpetually frightened at the moment. But then again maybe if I wasn't doing them I might have acted on my SI!

The things I do include "for me" to manage PTSD include:

• Walking, patting dogs and saying 'good morning' to people (but I have to be careful not to do to much or I will crash)
• Guided meditation (I often don't actually 'listen' to it, or actively participate, but have found that it relaxes me anyway)
• PTSD forum (the only place that I have to share how I am feeling, but I have to be careful of what I read as I can become very easily overwhelmed by other people stories)
• Journal (I can swear and curse)

When I am not working much (Like now, which I think has been the cause of my heightened fears, as I will run out of fund soon and have no one to turn to for help, I try to keep myself occupied with the usual reading, listening to music, watching movies.....usually not very enthusiastic about them but they do stop me from dwelling to much.

 

[GreenFrog2]

So if I set myself the goal of walking for half an hour a day, the first time I do it I feel as though I need to keep going and do 40 minutes, or 45, or an hour... right up to the point at which I am totally exhausted and literally can't do any more. And then, the only part of the whole exercise that I seem to internalise is the fact that I was exhausted at the end, in other words, that I failed.

I do this to maddog - usually after my doctor encourages me to do more walking as 'exercusing more as it will help'.

NO IT DOES NOT. I have a 40 minute walk that I like to do in the morning. It helps me to get over my night terrors, and settle down for the day. Often it is really, really hard for me to go, but I always feel better afterwards so I will push myself to do the 40 minutes. This is OK because the benefits are worth it.

I had an horrific night last night, but after I have been here for a bit longer I will be ready to go. It will help me to do the things that I must do today.

Why did I have an horrific night? In part because I walked for 1 hour and 10 minutes in the morning, and then 30 minutes in the evening, on doctors advise as this would help me to sleep! I was exhausted, my stress bucket overflowed, I had bad nightmares and woke up wishing that I was dead. I knew this would happen but still I did all of the extra walking!

Messages to self:
1/ copy this out and show to doctor!
2/ I don't need to do what she says if it is going to harm me.
3/ keep up positive self talk about 40 minute walks as they have been really helpful for me.
4/ keep doing 40 minute walks and enjoy them as much as possible.

 

[maddog]

Thanks so much to everyone who responded, that really touched me and I treasure all of your input.

Ayasha, you made me think of something that I should acknowledge. My parents, in addition to having enormous and unreachable expectations of me just as a form of perpetual punishment, refused to acknowledge that my blindness placed any real or inevitable physical limitations on the things I could do. So not only did they teach me to be terribly ashamed of it, but also to enormously overcompensate for its limitations by pushing myself to not only be as good as everyone else, but ten times better. Of course this isn't really achievable, hence my obsessive sense that nothing I ever ever do is even remotely good enough.

And bring me face to face with something that I really *can't* do because of my blindness and the prospect can make me genuinely suicidal in a matter of moments.

I'm so sorry that you can relate to the added complication of having some sort of physical limitation...

Greenfrog, I really really liked your list of daily activities, and also your very pragmatic and self caring approach to them - that really resonated with me. And yes, you know better than anyone what is good and what works for you, and as long as you can demonstrate a commitment to sensible self care (which you clearly can), then I think it is absolutely appropriate for you to bypass so-called professional advice and stick to what works for you.

And for what it's worth, a morning walk to clear out the nighttime horror cobwebs is something i can relate to - exercise is so grounding, so mentally strengthening, so... healthy, in so many ways. If you can truly make it feel like a reward for having made it through the night, then that's a massive achievement.

I love this thread, thanks everyone.

Maddog

 

[Hashi]

I actually just got out of a behavior modification course (it's one for my major) and if I learned one thing, it is that behaviors are HARD to change.

Thank you for saying this. It makes me feel better.

Wow, Hashi, you wash the dishes twice a day? I'm seriously, seriously impressed!

Thank you. If I'm honest, I'm seriously impressed too! I feel a glow of achievement about this.

I've just been thinking that one of my key problems with goals is that I don't stick to them in their original form, but tend to start to shift them further away the moment I start getting close... if I set myself the goal of walking for half an hour a day, the first time I do it I feel as though I need to keep going and do 40 minutes, or 45, or an hour...

I know that's true... for everyone else, ya know...

This has got me thinking. I do a variation of this, where I tend to dismiss the things I manage to do. For example, I eat really healthily but I tend to think it's not enough because I cook a lot of vegetables instead of eating them raw. For heaven's sake. If it was someone else I'd never think that, because I have better perspective in relation to what other people do. It's only myself that I hold to ridiculous, off-the-scale high standards.

If I was recruiting someone to run my life, I'd never hire me!

 

[Ayasha]

I'm so sorry that you can relate to the added complication of having some sort of physical limitation...

Yeah, we never knew I had asthma until that year (we thought it was really, really bad allergies) but even now that they diagnosed me many of my family members do not believe it.

I won't let it stop me from doing the things I enjoy, but it does remind me I have limitations and I've been learning lately that I can still work and function within those limitations. :)

Thank you for saying this. It makes me feel better.

It is hard to change our behaviors, especially the ones we have had for a long time, but it is worth it in the end. :happy:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have things I have to do every day. I do them. I set goals for myself and I push myself to do them. Mabe I am more self disciplined than I thought. Some things I do not do. I really have to push myself. I have to keep up with things around here. I have phone calls I have to make today. I will do them after I go for mocha frappes. I need to get out of here every day. I will go for tacos tonight.

I hate it when I have to drive. I do it ok, it is just a hassle because it means I have to get gas in the car again. I love having a full tank. It is windy today so I am not going to drive. I hate driving in the wind.

I push myself. I think it is because I am a caregiver for my husband and it all depends on me. I am doing the best I can. I was going to take a shower today but I took one last night instead and I feel good about doing that. I get a good feeling of accomplishment when I accomplish my goals.

I just push myself. If I was alone I do not know if I would be as good as I am. Mabe I am in a routine and would keep it up.

I had a scare with my husband having a small case of pneumonia. He was in the hospital all day. We did not get back until late. I love having him home. It makes me feel so much better.