Self Care, Why Is It So Hard

[Go Hungry]

I have troubles with the same things as well. I regularly put off brushing my teeth or taking a shower until an unspecified 'later' which can often end up being a few days. They are things that I continually battle with, even though they take such an insignificant amount of time. I'll often forget to eat for hours at a time, that sort of thing. And getting out? Forget it. I plan to get out a lot more now that cursed winter is over, but it certainly hasn't helped things since my car heater went out. Couldn't go anywhere if I wanted to.

But enough belly-aching.. I've started using post-its to remind myself of important things. My joint is festooned with them. I think I'm going to make a daily list as well. First thing will be to clear off all the old notes. :wacky:

 

[holdenmonty]

So I have made my self care list. It is short and simple so hopefully these things will become a habit but here they are: Brush teeth, shower, journal, positive self talk, exercise, wellness walks, and eat healthy

 

[ihateusernames]

I don't know why I didn't think to mention it before, but I came across something regarding self care while skimming info on some al-anon and codependence-related websites that has come in handy ever since (it wasn't that long ago, actually). I don't think it's perfect, but it's easy to remember and gets me thinking about other things. It's a very simplistic take, and certainly doesn't cover everything we should be doing for ourselves, but the gist of it was to remind yourself of the acronym HALT, hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. And more or less to regularly check in and make sure that you are addressing those things for yourself first and foremost. It seemed so absurd to me to realize that I often don't meet even my most basic needs, like going around thirsty or completely exhausted and not doing anything about it. (My take is that the only way to really address loneliness is to do something above and beyond for your own self- talk to a friend or go out, yes, but sometimes those aren't really options- so you have to be your own company and do something that makes you feel good. I've been doing my nails. Not much of a thing, but going through the motions does seem to help.)

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

remind yourself of the acronym HALT, hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. And ... regularly check in and make sure that you are addressing those things for yourself first and foremost.

Oh, I'm so glad you added this. I have heard the "HALT" acronym before, and could never remember what the "L" stood for! :) :)

~S2B

 

[Suzetig]

(My take is that the only way to really address loneliness is to do something above and beyond for your own self- talk to a friend or go out, yes, but sometimes those aren't really options- so you have to be your own company and do something that makes you feel good. I've been doing my nails. Not much of a thing, but going through the motions does seem to help.)

Doing my nails is my "go to" self care thing, I started when I was off sick from work the last time. My attention span was completely shot but I could complete each step of a manicure in 5/10 mins at a time and really liked the result so I've mostly kept it up. It feels therapeutic to go through the routine and has helped me feel put together when I'm actually hanging by a thread.

 

[Eleanor]

I do refuting on the thoughts about forcing myself to do stuff.

Explain please?

I'm going to make a list. Maybe with stars or stickers or something.

And I'm going to go look up what the "Childhood Emotional Neglect" book says about this. Because I can't remember. Which means... I didn't really "get" it the first time through.

Exercise, showers, brushing teeth, nice clothes (my H tells me I need to throw out things out...) I also forget to eat, not all the time, but ... enough. I've gotten to be "the sleep nazi" around here. Because I went without so long and was so miserable.

 

[Melp283]

So this struck so many cords with me. I have a really hard time with self care, and I have horrible feelings of guilt over it.
My husband brushes his teeth and I can accomplish it only when I have a dental appointment coming up. Recently I went two weeks without showering..I am gross.
The last few days I've been trying to find motivation to take better care of myself and I think this post has done that!
I just worked out. For the first time in almost a year. It felt great :)
I think a self care checklist and maybe a journal are exactly what I need to keep this going.

Thank you!

 

[Tanishq]

Self care becomes struggle for us because we were denied healthy care.

Does anybody else struggle so much with self care even though they know they should do more self care things?

I can do some self care activities and for some I need help.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I like what you said so much.
Wish my husband decided to eat healthy and quit on caffeine.
That list sounds like a great idea.

Another motivation: you are also being a good role model to your kids by eating healthful. In my case I wish my hubby would eat less sweets because he is a poor role model FOR ME. I am so weak when it comes to this.
Taking better care of yourself will have a direct positive impact on your family... and of course also an indirect positive impact because it will keep you fit and healthy and well, have a positive impact on your psyche and allow you to care for them even better.

Did you do what @FridayJones suggested? Have a toothbrush in the shower so you can brush your teeth and shower at the same time.

 

[Suzetig]

I think there's a lot of sense in what you write @Lemontree the problem is that despite knowing this, I can't motivate myself to take care of myself. It all feels like too much work, and frankly when I'm feeling low I just don't think I'm worth the effort. I know I'll feel better if I shower, remove make up at night, moisturise, wash my hair etc and that I'll be more pleasant to be around but I can't see why anyone would want to be around me anyway.

Thankfully I'm a bit more stable than I was, but when I'm struggling, it all feels beyond me.

 

[The Albatross]

Explain please?

Refuting thoughts/feelings is a way to deal with the often irrational "excuse making" that can prevent me from doing something that is in my best interests to do. I learned in in a non-12 step recovery group I was in for about 4 or 5 years. Excuse making (like in this case about basic self care things) is really just bad habits in disguise. Jim Rohn says: "If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse." Refuting thoughts is really another topic entirely.

He also says, "Either you run the day or the day runs you." and "We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment." (Edited to add the full quote cuz I just grabbed the first one: "We must all suffer one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.") Jim Rohn is the author of The Art of Exceptional Living.

 

[holdenmonty]

@Lemontree I haven't yet and I actually forgot about it but is a great idea. But I do have a tooth brush and tooth paste along with mouth wash in my desk at work that I got from one of my dental appointments that I forgot about so now if I forget at home I can brush my teeth at work.