Self Care, Why Is It So Hard

[WildMermaid]

I'm in the same boat as Anon. My mom did not teach me one little thing about growing up, menstruation (instead I had to read the booklets that my cousins had been given), being a woman, or my changing body. I was a late bloomer and when I did develop it happened over night. I was sleeping over at a friend's house and the next morning my friend's mom said "Becky you have boobs!" and I did. I panicked as I had no idea what to do next. My friend's mother told me to tell my mother that I needed to go buy bras. It was mortifying but she did take me to buy one. As a mother myself now, we talk about everything in my house, as I agree that lack of knowledge about self care is another form of neglect.

 

[jaccat]

My mum left before I developed in that way, although in some things she pushed me ahead much too early. I had my ears pierced before I started school. I was wearing a bra before I left junior school. She treated me like her own little dress up doll. But when I actually needed that help I was left with just my father, and was way too embarrassed to ask him anything. This led to some serious shame-inducing moments in which I was forced to accept help from teachers and the parent's of friends, which just added to the feeling that I was unwanted, abandoned and disgusting. Why would I bother to take care of that?

 

[Changing4Best]

So sorry for being treated like that @jaccat

I can't remember my mom or dad making my brush my teeth. I don't think they checked that, so I went around with scummy teeth. WHen I was 19 I stayed with my aunt and uncle, and my aunt wrote me a letter about it and said that I needed to take better care of myself. I did do so a little better than that, but remembering to brush my teeth is a tough one still.

 

[Changing4Best]

I wasn't going to brush my hair today, because I didn't want to look in the mirror and see my black eye from the fall I had last week. But I needed to brush my teeth, so I reluctantly went to do that. The whole side of my face is green! (On the side where I hit my head last week). Everyone wants to know what happened that sees me, I suppose I can't blame them. So I have been telling the whole long story several times each day....

Anyway, I noticed that my hair looked really bad, so I brushed it too.

 

[Eleanor]

@SheilaKathy GOOD FOR YOU for taking care. And keeping an eye on the bruise is a good "self care" idea too.

And lack of self care takes many odd forms. For example: Several years ago I learned I have a particular learning disability - a deficit in revisualization skills. I look up everything. I mean EVERYTHING as a matter of habit... except... that. Today, for the first time ever, I googled it. And... gracious, there is all kinds of info. But because it was just about ME... well you guys know the story. So I am now reading up on it; starting here:

http://pacificlearningsolutions.com/resources/revisualization.html

 

[Changing4Best]

Thanks! (Both for the cudos and the link).

Yes, I can't seem to visualize how words are spelled either. And a clean room? Man! Did I have trouble with that one when I was a kid. Still struggling with it now too, and I am in my 60s.

 

[holdenmonty]

I'm so glad there has been so many responses. I remember my parents making us brush our teeth before bed and some other self care things. It seems like self care is something that could be posted on the you know you have ptsd if thread... I'm sorry all you have the same issue but it gives me comfort and I hope it gives you some comfort in knowing others struggle as well.

 

[holdenmonty]

speaking of self care I just noticed the paper that I got from my sons doctor this morning has some self-care management resources on it in regards to links so here are a few www.patientslikeme.com www.healthfinder.gov www.mayoclinic.org Link Removed Link Removed www.choosemyplate.gov

 

[Changing4Best]

THanks for the links, I just joined one of them.

 

[Eleanor]

On the topic of "identifying my likes and dislikes" today I ran across this:

(trigger alert, a story of abuse - not graphic - at the beginning.)

Watch the whole thing (well, you can skip the first 4 minutes or so of introduction and get to the presentation) It was a revelation to me. And if you are wondering how people get badly off...