I cannot stop my self harm I'm really f*cked up right now my mum has serious cancer I don't know what to do with myself my self harm although I try to control it really helps me, I am deciding to see my psychiatrist again and I have weekly therapy sessions I probably sound like a freak but I really still need my self harm my sister asked me again if i cut and I lied because I couldn't bare to tell her again when my mother is going through cancer I was sexually abused as a child but not all of it is clear to me but I speak like a child sometimes and seeing younger girls really trigger me and I go into deep panic attacks I feel like I will never get better from anything that I've gone through in my childhood after I lost my memory I spoke like a child for ages and I'm 26 and I still go into those dissociative states everything is so wrong I can't even get a job and I've done higher education I feel so hopeless I really want things to turn around and I don't understand why things are going this way and I can't understand why I regress so much as a child I talk like a four year old and have a bear after my memory's loss and I started self harming when I was seventeen because I was being seriously bullied anyways I sound like a complete freak nobody has been through the same experience I have memories of my father hurting me when before I was fourteen but I can't trust them because I live with him I have just decided to monitor my self harm that's all I can do to try and get better because nothing is going to get better for me