Self-harm During Flashback...?

[MaeMae]

Hello, I’m new here and just trying to understand the dissociation as well as flashbacks I keep having. I know I dissociate quite often where it is sort of like zoning out in a trance like state and I can’t speak or hear people talking to me. It is annoying, and can be embarrassing, but I can tolerate it.

However, lately I’ve been having these super intense flashbacks. I’m not sure if they start off as dissociating and then turn into a flashback, or if that is even possible. I don’t know what happens during these because I usually “come to” quite startled and confused. In therapy, I was told that I get really freaked out, curl into a ball on the floor, talk incoherently about someone coming for me and then I start violently punching myself in the head until my counselor gently grabs my hand to stop me. The weird thing is, is that I do not remember hurting myself or the flashback, just being super confused with a headache. I guess I am just wondering if others have experienced something like this or similar.

I also don’t know if this qualifies as dissociating- where I lose track of time for several minutes to hours. Sometimes during these periods when I lose time, I’ll drive and presume I act and do regular things. Other times, I will create art work that I don’t remember making or self-injure myself- which really upsets and scares me…

 

[Phie]

I have experienced several similar situations when I dissociate. If I or someone around me cannot bring me back to the present moment I will start having flashbacks which lead to self harm. Trying to stay in the present moment is crucial to avoid these episodes and I hope your therapist is working on that with you. I won't say I know how you feel because everyone's particular experience is different but I will say that I can really sympathize and hope that you beat this soon.
Take care.

 

[Ice_Fire]

I'm sorry you're struggling with self harm, I have done too. I used to self harm as a way of grounding myself, as unhealthy as that is. I also did it to punish myself when I felt I'd done wrong somehow, even if it was over something trivial. My T said that these were 'emotional flashbacks'...

I don't ever really not remember doing it, I was vaguely aware of my actions at times, but aware none the less. However, I can also lose hours at a time and not really know where the time went.

I hope you can overcome this and find alternatives to it and stay grounded more. Take care

 

[Angelwings]

I have the re-experiencing flashbacks, and during the abuse I self injured to distract myself from what was really going on, just scratching my side or face, but still...self injuring.

 

[WendyA]

Once you realize that self harm provides a release, how can you stop? It seems to work, but I know logically its self destructive.

 

[Angelwings]

I don't want to stop. It distracts me. As long as I'm not trying to commit suicide or giving myself a concussion, it's my body!