Self Medicating With Risky Behavior

[gypsydaydream]

Actually, yesterday, as I was "medicating" with a friend before a night out running around, she looked at me and asked, "what happened to you?" I've known this lady for 25 years...and it never came up. I just replied with "bad things". She said, her too, but he went to jail. Her behavior is as bad as mine. But her question stopped me last night from making too many bad judgment calls.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, it can feel a bit like your life, hope, self-worth, value, dreams, security, has been stolen.

 

[Chondra]

I was in therapy and clinically medicated when I chose to add alcohol to the mix. And it worked. For a while I was finally numb enough to handle the day(s). Then I realized I was committing slow suicide. I needed to make a choice. I chose to stop the drinking. I have been dry for three years now and it has been a rough ride. Becoming an AA member has helped. I resisted it at first. I believed that AA was just a cult to sobriety. It may be, but the people in it are good for support. They have already been through hell, and their advice tends to be good. AA groups are all different. If you go that route you might need to try out a few before you find the right fit.
Best of Luck to you.

 

[sleepy]

I have tried nearly every form of 'self medication'
Its all good for a while, but eventually the same problems come back, with a vengence. You will probably get used to the alcohol/drugs then the problems come back, and there is nowhere left to turn.
I have done it. Now I don't touch anything unless it is prescribed and I've discussed it properly with a Dr. This doesn't help much if you feel terrible and you know drinking/taking drugs will make you feel better.
Just please consider what will happen when you gain a tolerance for these things as I did.

 

[gypsydaydream]

I have built up such a high tolerance to everything...drugs, drinking, men. Its crazy. And the crash gets worse every time. When it all wears off...I'm left feeling completely drained and abused again. Only I did it to myself.

 

[Chondra]

Oh Gypsy, you are in a very tough place.

It can take a long time to turn things around. That is the thing with PTSD, we do this to ourselves.

A small bit of advice if that is OK?

1) When digging ourselves into a hole, the first task is to let go of the shovel. Do not go any deeper.

2) Make your critical decisions when you are at your best.

3) Get professional help as soon as you are able if you can afford it.

You can do this. Just take small steps and keep taking those steps.

 

[Dethuan]

Trying is important apparently. Still don't get that.
Why?

 

[ericaboo]

IMHO -"Trying" is like telling another part of your brain, that you don't normally have access to, that you want to do something different. This adds power to your abilities for some reason...

How I deal with sobriety:
1. I am doing something unhealthy
2. I am aware it's unhealthy
3. I continue the behavior
4. I must be getting some positive stimulation to the brain by continuing that unhealthy behavior, or I wouldn't continue doing it.
5. I come to the realization that the positive stimulation is not worth the consequences.
6. I have to make a daily effort to pay attention to the consequences and not be in denial of them.
7. Ideally, the behavior stops making sense, and the positive stimulation can now be resisted.
8. Repeat as necessary.

 

[Dethuan]

I guess I'm at step five. Messing up with step six.
Starting to doubt the point of not drinking. except maybe the weight lift from my pocket.
But I am trying.
Just don't see the sense.

 

[ericaboo]

It's really, really, hard - I know Dethuan.

You have to get sick and tired of it, and see that there are good things in life that you are missing out on. That can only happen at your own pace.

I think you are already realizing that on some level - just from the things you are saying... WTG!!

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

 

[mamachick]

I can tell you that slot machines dont work either. Gambling may seem to not be so destructive as chemicals in the body, but they cause people to loose everything they have and commit suicide too often. There are casinos and coffee shops with machines everywhere near me. I had been to casinos numerous times and was never even tempted. Not until an assault which brought about ptsd. I went, I liked it, it numbed me, but was still very controlled.

Then I came into some money. The losses got bigger. Its a high and a low. I got really hooked when I left my own home to avoid an abusive sister who was staying with me. I had no place to go but just wanted to get away from her and her 2 mis-behaving dogs. I went for entertainment. Then I won some money, which was the beginning of this ugly cycle. I am trying to stay away but still fall off my wagon at times. It is very destructive and mood altering.

 

[gypsydaydream]

There are so many types of self-destructive behavior. I hadn't even thought about gambling. But I can see where it gives you the same high/low and the sense of control.