Self-mutilation!!

[Tiger]

I feel to blame for all the anguish I caused the family, but even more than that I feel so terribly guilty for those times when 'He' hurt my sister and I was just so glad when it was her turn and not mine!! We shared a room so I knew what was happening every time! Although she was older than me, I felt that I should have protected her more!! Worse than that my sister and I have never spoken about it since I was put into care!! She had an eptopic pregnancy because of him and she blames me for letting it happen!! I will never forgive myself for that!!

 

[KwanYingirl]

Oh Tiger, you are so NOT to blame. You and your sisters were children. The adults in charge of your safety- both physical and mental and spiritual-failed miserably. It is mind blowing that they con us into taking the fall for them. What you are feeling is textbook child sexual abuse. Do you have the book "The Courage to Heal"? It is a gentle guide through the stages of recovery after CSA. The first time I read it I was so happy to find out what was wrong with me. Then I was like "oh,shit, I'm screwed" then I took it slower and learned many dynamics that are in play in the wacky world of CSA. I highly recommend it.

When those false beliefs come across your minds eye, consciously replace them with affirmations like "I was so young, but now I'm grown. I am in charge now" things like that. A lot of your coping is crap your abusers pushed on you. They belong in jail.

 

[Cherry_Bluebell]

Tiger - I think its natural to feel guilty however the only person to blame was him - for absolutely everything. You were vulnerable and powerless

 

[Tiger]

:cry::cry::cry::cry: