Sending a long email to T

[Deleted member 36028]

Hey all,

I am currently trying to built up the courage to send to my therapist and would appreciate some honest feedback. I am expecting the email to be pretty long, but for me (if I send it) it will be very important. I really don't open up in therapy at all and have always been better at written communication then in person when it comes to emotions. I want to give myself one last push in therapy before i move on/quit for a while so as to ensure I have done everything before i leave.

My T has never set any ground rules and has only challenaged me a few times when I have overstepped the mark namely when I was late or didn't confirm a time change and just randomly turned up to her house, which is more then legit. So we don't have any rules when it comes to emails. The only emails I have ever sent her were about billing and changing days and her responses were always 'lets talk about this in session', given she always goes over i don't think this is a cop out her end.
Anyway what i am trying to say is there is no president when it comes to outside communication and so i feel i can take a liberty on this one occassion when it comes to outside contact. I suspect she will thank me for my email and say lets talk about it in session.

Anyway what I am hoping for is if someone could proof read a copy for me, just for reassurance i am not being 'too' much. I don't want to post publically. And if this sounds like an OK thing to do.
I can't cross the road without permission at the moment so some support would be really good.

 

[Rumors]

What if instead you printed it and took it with you for her to read in session. I think that may be more appropriate. Good luck! I am sure that is hard to do and puts you in a vulnerable situation. Hang in there

 

[Skywatcher]

When I send an emotional email to my therapist, I tend to panic until I get a response or see her. So, I would recommend you send it the day of your appointment or send her a check list. Or keep it with you. My new method is to write her on my phone notes and add or change it through out my week and either have her read it off of my phone or read it to her in my appointment. I have also sent her a list of what to go over before a session.

 

[Justmehere]

If the only emails sent so far have been about billing and scheduling, and even that gets directed to discuss in session, I wouldn’t send the email - not until you first ask her what outside of session contact is ok and isn’t ok. Get really clear on that first.

As far as the content being too much, it’s better to know if she can handle what’s up for you than stuff it, and not ever know and keep feeling miserable, especially if you are thinking of quitting therapy with her.

 

[Deleted member 36028]

I think in this instance I just need to send it. The point is in session I don't raise these topics and the only times I feel comfortable to share is when I have distance. I need to be selfish in this instance...

 

[Justmehere]

Sounds like you have made up your mind it’s a good email to send. I hope it helps you open up in session on the topics you email her about.

 

[grit]

If I were you, I would question the whole hide and seek intention of this email? Your deep need for her to know you and have a power to respond to the email or not is palpable.
This need or feeling of wanting to do something you did not do. Nor agreed upon, and would likely be sent let's talk in session is interesting to say the least. Send it if you like but prepare this is an opening act of new emotions to flood.
I hope u sit with them and hold yourself.

 

[NightSky]

When I wanted to send my T and email like this I emailed ahead of the long one asking if it was ok, and that I would also print and bring it, saying I didn’t expect her to read it until our session but needed to communicate this way. She welcomed the idea (we had some back and forth prior, but I knew this would be longer.) It started what has been for us, a crucial part of our process. Like you, I cannot talk openly in her presence and am so much more able to communicate via writing. I am almost four years in and the benefits have been numerous. She would usually reply with a few sentences or even a few paragraphs depending on the week. I noticed she would tend to zero in on things I felt were secondary, which made me very good at getting more and more concise. I had a couple of years of sending a long email maybe once a month with shorter ones once a week between sessions. For a long time i had to be wordy because i talked around things. That has changed. Now I’m forward and blunt. We always go over them in session. It ensures that I am open, honest, and we hit on what I need to. We would be nowhere near where we are now without email. I simply cannot verbalize. BUT because of the emails I have started getting better at talking. I haven’t tended to do a lot of on the spot processing- it tends to happen after I leave the office and my wheels are spinning. But after years of this I now sit in her office and start to realize what I will be emailing, in real time, and can bring it up (about half the time.)
This is just my experience. I know not all Ts are ok with this. I imagine it’s an area with a lot of gray. But I hope yours is receptive.
I recommend just asking first via email. And then printing and bringing it. Even if you send it and get no response, it’s still a really good step in the right direction, in my opinion.

 

[piratelady]

I do the same as you. My therapist welcomes it for the same reasons as @NightSky - I have trouble verbalizing otherwise. We wouldn’t have made it as far as we have if we hadn’t started with the emails.

Most of his responses were as you expect, he would thank me for the email and say we had a lot to talk about in session.

The appointments were anxiety ridden at first. As the appointment grew closer, I got more anxious because of what he now knew and the conversations we were going to have.

I sent a doozy of an email last week and he hasn’t responded at all. Now I find I’m even more nervous that I’ve done something wrong. I’ll find out on Wednesday.

I would just be prepared for extra feelings leading up to your appointment and during it. I hope this works out well for you!

 

[Deleted member 36028]

Thanks all! It went well and was both well received in by an acknowledging email out of session and then we had an open discussion in session.
@grit I don't think I understand your post...

 

[piratelady]

I’m glad to hear that!!