Several Suicide Attempts And Feeling Suicidal Again

[BuckarooBanzai]

PTSD can be symptom free for a very long time.

The psychiatric diagnostic process is a bit curious.

Someone who claims a single trauma that occurred less than, what?, four months prior is told he does not have PTSD; he just doesn't meet the criteria - yet. Then when someone like me is symptom-free for many years, he no longer meets the criteria and so 'loses' the diagnosis. Whether someone like me can 'pick up' the diagnosis again would probably depend upon the new trauma and how long I were to negatively react to that trauma; would I, for instance, need to meet the time criteria for PTSD again?

On the other hand, I have a long-term diagnosis of Major Depression (technically, Major Depression, recurrent, severe, without psychotic features). Now, I have, over the course of some thirty-five years with depression, learned to handle it very well without medication or intervention. I have been remarkably stable for many many years. And, when I do begin to flounder, I know how to pull myself out of my deepening hole. Yet, I retain the long-term diagnosis. Just because I am very high functioning and manage my disorder well doesn't mean I don't have it.

Then, last example, we have the personality disorders. A person can be personality disorder free his entire life, and yet have certain negative 'traits' that pop up under only under severe long-term stress then only to mysteriously disappear again. Such a person is not diagnosed with a personality disorder. To have a personality disorder, one must exhibit a certain cluster of symptoms over a significant period of time; in other words, the traits must permeate one's life over the majority of one's life.

abuse in childhood tends to lead one to being in abusive relationships later)

Yes, I agree. This complicates the matter greatly.

I was abused as a child but, because of who and how I was abused, this did not lead me to develop abusive adult relationships. And, I was able to set boundaries (even do a parentectomy for some 20 years) as an adult. So, my case was less complicated than that of someone with CPTSD.

"I'm not equipped to handle your case, I'm sorry, but you'd be best seeking someone more suited to your needs than me."

This therapist did you a serious favor. Would that every therapist was mature enough to admit this!

Because therapists that I consulted with early on were willing to admit this, I sought a seasoned professional with the proper skill set. I do firmly believe this is one very important reason why I did recover.

Very many felicitations on your relief

Thank you so much!

Did I just hijack this thread? I hope not. If so, I apologize.

 

[J'qel]

Perhaps, but for someone who is feeling hopeless, a constructive statement of encouragement and managing to be symptom free can help. I can be pretty aggressive in non emotional subjects, but for emotional ones, it's important to remain reassuring and hopeful.

Perhaps the statement that you were "cured" was a bit abrupt and could be taken negatively, but how it has followed up can be inspiring. I hope it is seen that way.

Yes, the therapist did. I was upset and ashamed at the time and it still makes me angry, but that's part of my own demons, and I know it's not a rational response to have. I'm working on it.

I would say you technically still have PTSD, but not for the purposes of discharge or disability (your depression is another matter). I expect your trigger is still there, merely managed. I am, however, cautious-perhaps overly so-of the term "cured" with reference to mental illness. Lacking someone testing your personal neurochemistry, it's not definitive, and "cure" is a bit more of an absolute than I think is appropriate.

Do tell your inspiring story to others, it may help a number of folks struggling, even if my case-and many others-is different, it can make us all feel better that someone got out. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it's not our tunnel, but any light is a bonus :)

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Perhaps the statement that you were "cured" was a bit abrupt and could be taken negatively, but how it has followed up can be inspiring. I hope it is seen that way.

Actually, that's why I read and post on the forums here. I remember how, years ago, I participated in such forums during my 'worst years'. Peer counseling (if we can call it such) on these forums was remarkably helpful, whether I was on the giving or the receiving end. And yet, not once did I ever see online there someone who had actually progressed to the point of 'losing' his or her diagnosis. So, I came here with the idea that, yeah, sure, my life is not perfect, but maybe it would help some others to know that there are those of us who pulled through.

Give people hope. That's important.

I expect your trigger is still there, merely managed. I am, however, cautious-perhaps overly so-of the term "cured" with reference to mental illness. Lacking someone testing your personal

But, you see, my triggers have been tested over and over again. How I respond now is vastly different than how I used to respond. This was how I knew/suspected, going into that three month EMDR process years ago, that it was already over. I just wanted to know the professional stance, at that point.

So, you must understand that, having had a professional wave her magic wand over me 2.5 years ago, that was after three months of intensive therapy with me. And, I had been symptom-free for a long time prior to that. So, we are talking about a very long time, PTSD wise.

 

[J'qel]

Hon, I've been working on my stuff for years, and I'm still having occasional days where I can barely operate. Three months sounds like paradise. ;)

I'm just advocating care. Getting slapped upside the head with something unexpected can be worse than if we're already aware (if only mildly) of the potential.

Still glad to hear it, and not knocking it.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Llyne I can sympathize with you, because I have been there, with over 50 hospitalizations and 25 suicide attempts. I also have neck problems from an abuse related injury.

I can tell you that in most places because of the shortage of beds, unless you in imminent danger of hurting your self you won't get forced into the hospital. But you can expect them to find ways to help you through this. I can also tell you that if you are honest and open about it instead of being vague or evasive, that in most case they will work to help you to "HELP YOURSELF". If your vague or evasive they have to guess how safe you are, and the side of caution is generally followed. I know this honesty and openness about safety works because I have to 4 clinicians that I have told that I had urges to cut to get relief. I have been using DBT skills to not give in to my urges. So they are helping me, but I am the one with the choices, if I can't maintain and I am open and honest about, I know they will give me the choice of whether to have the Mobile Crisis Team check on me daily, or go in the hospital.

Taking responsibility for your safety means others won't have to do it for you, that includes communicating what state of being you in, and most of all communicating your needs.

The best thing you could do for yourself is tell your therapist exactly how you feel. Don't hold back, and do tell your therapist what you need, if you don't know your therapist can help you figure out what you need to help you through this. Also this forum is a great place to get support to get you through the rough spots, it's also a great place to explore your thoughts and feelings and get others view on such things.

I know when I was where you were at in September before I went to Sheppard Pratts Trauma Disorders Unit, this forum, and mobile crisis kept me from hurting myself, until I was admitted. I was not forced into the hospital (general psych ward) despite being suicidal, and I could have been, as mobile crisis are the ones who can petition for hospital detention.

It all comes down to can you be trusted with your safety, and trusted you will call for help the very moment you can be trusted with your safety. I know this is the case, because I could have been committed in september. But I was not because there difference is I was trusted to call for help if I could not maintain my safety.

A good number of my past hospitalizations I was involuntarily committed, and in those times I was not trusted with my safety. So I am able to speak about this from both perspectives.

How can you expect things to change if you do give yourself and others a chance to help you help yourself?

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Three months sounds like paradise. ;)

Three months does not equal three years.

Sure hope things improve for you, and very soon. Best wishes.

 

[J'qel]

It had gotten better and will continue to. Every day any of us are in therapy or making an effort, it gets slowly closer to being able to live the life we wish. Just gotta put in the miles. It's hard, but worth it :)