Severe Morning Depression

[OneToughCookie]

Yesterday was the first day of my fall semester of college after a year of medical leave. The amount of walking and cognitive function I had to muster was really depleting. I woke up early this morning and feel deeply sad and intermittently suicidal. My body hurts so much I don't even want to stand up to shower. Food seems disgusting to me. I don't know what to do. I just want to be put out of my misery. I know it won't last. I know I'll see my boyfriend and decrease the amount I'm doing and feel better, but today anything seems like too much. I don't know what I need, but some sort of help.

 

[ladee]

Am sending you lots of gentle hugs if you accept them!
Getting back into a grueling routine is exhausting and I understand.
Possibly you can schedule rest times in your busy day. Now that you know where your classes are you can time things where there is time for you to regroup before each class.
Can you reduce your class load some?
Maybe none of this applied but do want you to know I have a lot of admiration for you trying to push thru this, but remember self care along the way.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Every new semester of school has so much need for the brain. You have to schedule nap time if you want to succeed. It's essential. Think about taking fewer classes. It may affect your federal financial aid, but on the other hand, you are eligible for accommodations to address your mental health. Good luck. Can you get a counselor through student medical services? My daughter had a lot of support. By her junior year she was able to be independent.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

Are you taking any vitamins/supplements that could help?

I need to start taking mine again. (Had food poisoning and couldn't take anything for awhile.)

 

[OneToughCookie]

Thank you for all the gentle hugs @ladee! I slept some more and that helped a little. Scheduling rest times is a really good idea. I take a nap midday anyway because I have narcolepsy, but I think I need to "save my spoons" and do less each day. One reason I don't want to do a reduced course load is because I get bored so easily and my classes are pretty easy. I'm also an extremely driven person and don't want to let my conditions prevent me from doing the things I want to do. If teleportation existed, I'd be set. :p One of my classes isn't a must-attend so I'll probably skip that one when I need. I'll give it a week and if it is too much I'll drop a class. I take a multivitamin, and I have a psychologist.

 

[WillyKat]

My shrink talked to me once about sleep hygiene. It has a lot to do with what you do before going to bed. It may help.

I dunno if this happens to you or not, but sometimes mornings are the worst. You sort of wake up, but you stay in bed. And in that half-awake state all sorts of weird ass thoughts come up and can really screw up your day. I try to just get up when that happens, even if its early, just to be awake and free from the weirdness.

Hope that helps.

 

[OneToughCookie]

I have pretty good sleep hygiene in the evenings because I have narcolepsy, but yeah, getting up right away will probably help. Thanks for the tip!
Update: My doctors increased my antidepressant. Hopefully in 6-8 weeks I'll be doing much better!