A
Alohomora13
Hi, I guess there’s a character count so I’m gonna sum this up as best as I can but just know that there’s so much I want to say. This is the only site I can find that’s relatable and helpful.
I can’t remember the action itself or who it was. I also have blocked out my childhood until about 9 years old. I wish I could but I can’t. Recent events and lots of thinking have led me to this idea that I had been sexually abused as a child.
What I do remember:
Being absolutely terrified of some people in my life, crying and shaking and hiding from people kind of terrified. One of which was my uncle which doesn’t make sense to me now because I’ve grown out of it.
Also being equally as terrified of someone tickling me. That was a definite no go for me back in the day, don’t know why. I grew out of that eventually but I don’t remember when.
Wetting the bed at 7 (only remember my age because I remember my aunt yelling at me for it when she came over one day)
Peeing in random places such as a bowl and hiding the bowl.
As a child I was afraid to poop for some reason and to prevent myself from pooping I would sit down, on my shins and put my hand between my legs and kind of clench and..rub, I guess you could say? Which in turn was mostly rubbing my vagina. It was like touching myself distracted me from having to poop. Don’t know where I learned this from. I grew out of that about 11-12.
As I was growing up I would piss myself at random times, almost every time I laughed hard. Kinda like a new mother kind of bladder I guess. I initiated and played doctor with a girl I considered my cousin when I was younger, I was the patient. She touched and looked at my vagina. I’ve had horrible anxiety for as long as I can remember. I don’t have sex at 21 because the thought makes me uncomfortable. Only done it twice now and was with someone random I never had to see again. I can’t like someone I don’t know really well. Almost all memories I have of the house I grew up in are unsettling.
When I think about this situation my knees almost lock as if I’m frozen in fear and they shake. I hate anything touching my throat/neck and I’m very jumpy, always have been. I have no idea who it could’ve been, my parents don’t really recall me being afraid of anyone as I child but I certainly do.
I don’t know who or when or where but I can’t remember anything except flashbacks of being really cold and my knees locking up like they do when I think about it. It’s like I have body memories or sensory ones but no images, no picture memories to identify him, I just know it was a guy. I just want this to make sense, tell me I’m not alone?
I can’t remember the action itself or who it was. I also have blocked out my childhood until about 9 years old. I wish I could but I can’t. Recent events and lots of thinking have led me to this idea that I had been sexually abused as a child.
What I do remember:
Being absolutely terrified of some people in my life, crying and shaking and hiding from people kind of terrified. One of which was my uncle which doesn’t make sense to me now because I’ve grown out of it.
Also being equally as terrified of someone tickling me. That was a definite no go for me back in the day, don’t know why. I grew out of that eventually but I don’t remember when.
Wetting the bed at 7 (only remember my age because I remember my aunt yelling at me for it when she came over one day)
Peeing in random places such as a bowl and hiding the bowl.
As a child I was afraid to poop for some reason and to prevent myself from pooping I would sit down, on my shins and put my hand between my legs and kind of clench and..rub, I guess you could say? Which in turn was mostly rubbing my vagina. It was like touching myself distracted me from having to poop. Don’t know where I learned this from. I grew out of that about 11-12.
As I was growing up I would piss myself at random times, almost every time I laughed hard. Kinda like a new mother kind of bladder I guess. I initiated and played doctor with a girl I considered my cousin when I was younger, I was the patient. She touched and looked at my vagina. I’ve had horrible anxiety for as long as I can remember. I don’t have sex at 21 because the thought makes me uncomfortable. Only done it twice now and was with someone random I never had to see again. I can’t like someone I don’t know really well. Almost all memories I have of the house I grew up in are unsettling.
When I think about this situation my knees almost lock as if I’m frozen in fear and they shake. I hate anything touching my throat/neck and I’m very jumpy, always have been. I have no idea who it could’ve been, my parents don’t really recall me being afraid of anyone as I child but I certainly do.
I don’t know who or when or where but I can’t remember anything except flashbacks of being really cold and my knees locking up like they do when I think about it. It’s like I have body memories or sensory ones but no images, no picture memories to identify him, I just know it was a guy. I just want this to make sense, tell me I’m not alone?
