Sexual Assault Sexual Abuse - Myths And Facts

[Lady of Longbourn]

If you are not a body, then him hurting you does not matter. No harm done; you will heal and forget about it with time.

Pretty much what the police said when I reported my abuser.

 

[SpentRound3503]

If you got wet, then you really just wanted to get laid.

 

[Desiresdestiny]

If you weren't penetrated it wasn't abuse.

I believed all through childhood that because I wasn't raped that the abuse was just a normal but "dream-like" experience that I couldn't quite make sense of but I felt incredibly guilty about the enjoyment of it.

Me too; I was molested by my brother and cousin for 4 years; except penetration everything else was done and I was made to feel guilty about because it wasn't rape.

 

[ashly]

Just because I didn't tell anyone doesn't mean I wanted it to happen.

 

[crazytrain]

Yeah, I have ridden the dreaded guilt trip so many times. My T is so great at putting things in perspective for me; I was 4 when the abuse started, I had my first orgasm at 5 and found my first hard-core porn mags when I was 7 or 8. I was constantly thinking about my penis (what boy doesn't after a certain age?), then about different positions, and orgasms, and all that other stuff that goes along with a sexual experience/relationship. Like my T has said many times: who wouldn't given the circumstances? Sex is a natural bodily function in and of itself. The motivation behind it is what changes everything, at least for me. When you make love to someone, there is tenderness, commitment, caring, and all those good things that are involved; it is a shared experience. Abuse can be a shared experience as well, I believe, but it is definitely not the same as making love! I believe physically that my abuser and I received the same basic things; sexual release and attention. For the two of us, at the ages and development stages we were at, that made sense, and was "normal" to an extent as well. To this day I do not believe my cousin meant to do any harm to me; he simply was doing what he thought was normal to do. He was taught to be secretive and manipulative at some point in his life. That is where I learned it from as well, among other things.

CT

 

[anndeb]

I wonder if he was abused himself as well, perhaps by an older child or an adult? I don't think most children do such things 'on their own' but do in fact, as you say, learn them from others. What do you think?

 

[crazytrain]

Oh yes, when were older he revealed to me that our Grandfather had done the same thing to him, and I have no reason to doubt him on this. Like I said earlier, (or in a different thread maybe!), my cousin is a bit mentally challenged so he was always easy to convince of things; he was, though, not all that good of a liar. He continues to be a very complex man; his brain is basically rot at this point. I feel badly for him actually. He has been through a lot in his life. I would say that you are right though; most every case, or every case, involving children stems from some adults intervention first. Most children do not have that sort of "curiosity"; they may "look" at each others' parts or show other signs of curiousness but in general they won't go straight to fellatio or anal sex right then, eh? That undoubtedly comes from another source!

CT

 

[Rumors]

Key phrases that echo in my mind.. At 5, they were believable! It is sad to say but at 40 they are sometimes believable!

"No one will ever love you like I do"
"No one wants you except me..."
"If you tell, your parents won't love you anymore.."
"You are ungrateful..."

I could go on, but I think I will stop for now..
:(

 

[crazytrain]

I am so sorry that you still hear those kinds of rubbish in your head, too! :( I "hear" those sorts of things, but it is mostly my own voice doing the talking. My cousin only ever told me "if you tell anyone about this you won't be believed" sorts of things, which ironically turned out to be completely true a well! At least for the first twenty years or so...I so wish this site were available (was?) back years ago, although I haven't actually had a computer for all that long anyway! I know things could have been a lot worse for me, but it still doesn't make it any easier to deal with in the here and now...

CT

 

[miss_isolated]

"No one will ever love you like I do"
"No one wants you except me..."
"If you tell, your parents won't love you anymore.."
"You are ungrateful..."

Wow.

This one has definitely struck a chord with me.

These are beliefs I have had all throughout childhood, even though they were never ever said to me by my abuser. I still believe the first two I'm sorry to say. In my life being abused was the best experience I had with another human being some moments come close but never beat it - I know that's severely twisted.

 

[Rumors]

Yep. Me too. I had to stop before I talked myself into a panic attack.

The power that "they" hold, at times, is terrifying and it make me sick!

Best wishes to all for a peaceful nights sleep!

Sorry if my post disturbed anyone.

 

[anndeb]

Oh yes! Abuse is very very powerful and the effects linger with me even to this day. And my abuse occurred when I was virtually and infant and I am much much older now. The mistrust I feel and anxiety when I'm with strangers is still intense, and goes straight back to when my world was crushed and the terror so intense I thot I would die. I guess I kept the feeling that the universe was a basically unsafe and traitorous place and so it feels to me now in some situations. Ugh! How I wish I could shake this! Maybe one day I will, one day at a time.