Sexual Abuse Survivors/victims?

[Excaliberya]

I was never sexually attracted to other people and if I was, it was for maybe a few seconds and I'd find it kind of gross, eventually shrugging off the idea. I didn't get off on it or enjoyed it. Now whenever I masturbate I don't feel pleasure out of it. It actually hurts and I usually feel very uncomfortable.. yet I still do it. I've also noticed I bleed but that may be due to going too hard. (I'm a female.) I slowly learned that at a young age I was sexually abused by my mother, though we never actually had an intercourse. She'd say she wants to "make sure I'm healthy and clean" down there or she'd want to see how I'm developing. I didn't want her to, but she used the excuse of, "We're both females. It's okay." I don't want to get too graphic in case it makes someone very uncomfortable.. but although my mother never went so far as to having intercourse, it got pretty close :\ She would also openly talk about my body with my father who couldn't care less, (But he did slap me on the butt a few times which he stopped quickly.) Anyways, I was just wondering if other people who went through sexual abuse feels the same way..?

 

[Obube]

I was never sexually attracted to other people and if I was, it was for maybe a few seconds and I'd find it kind o...

Yes. I was assaulted as a child (I'm a male) by two other males. When I told my parents, they absolutely shamed me beyond belief because I was "gay". Children have no concept of sexual acts until they are shown, and the fact you've developed a distain for sexual acts is completely understandable. I can say that my sexual drive is not normal either, and while it is not gone as you described I view it very differently than others. I was assaulted and then humiliated by my mother and father....this created a sense that sex is bad. Most of all, it's a loss of control and to regain control I exert an unhealthy apathy toward sex in general.

It is never okay for parents to slap you on the ass or do what your mother did. Never forget that. And you're not wrong or crazy for feeling the way you do. Thank you for sharing

 

[Excaliberya]

Yes. I was assaulted as a child (I'm a male) by two other males. When I told my parents, they absolutely shamed me beyon...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that and thank you for confirming it for me. It's hard to have sympathy for myself and due to my past, I have an incorrect view on my situation.

 

[Inevu]

Hey, Excaliberya. You're definitely not alone on this.

I haven't had sex for religious reasons (discluding the abuse), but in terms of attraction, my feelings are rather turbulent. Sometimes I'm okay with the idea of sex. Other times I feel nauseated and kinda disgusted by it.

I also noticed that I often have trouble feeling sexually and romantically attracted to someone simultaneously. Like sex doesn't really sound appealing after the establishment of an emotional connection.
I think it's a pretty normal reaction.

 

[Ogul]

Hello all,

I moved this thread over to the Anonymous PTSD section where there will be better feedback and more responses.

Thanks - Sweetpea76

 

[Excaliberya]

Thank you.

 

[Ihok]

For whatever reasons, I find climaxing physically painful. In my early 20s when I was sexually active, I became really expert in avoiding climaxing during sex, and I've used masturbating as a form of self-punishment many times. So now that I avoid sex (I'm not in a place where I could have a healthy relationship yet), it's not something I miss. I'm certainly still a complete person without it.

Sexual attraction has gone pretty much the same way. I think probably on some subconscious level, I associate sexual arousal (from child abuse) with physical pain and humiliation. So even though all the textbooks would have you believe that the natural urge to mate and procreate is so primal that it's impossible to not feel sexual attraction, I think that there are some of us where our trauma causes some of those 'natural instincts' to become more complicated and not necessarily linked to a feeling of pleasure.

Detachment from other people emotionally, whether it be sexual attraction or otherwise, is also super common with trauma survivors.

It's shitty, because while we're recovering from that trauma, we're missing out on all those good feelings. But until we can experience them in a positive and healthy way, it's less like "missing out" and more like "this is just where I am at the moment". It's not permanent. We can heal.

I certainly don't think any of what you've described, including your abuse from your mother, needs to be a source of shame. I can understand why you might feel that way, but you certainly don't need to. Your mind and body are both recovering from trauma that you didn't deserve. Try and be gentle with yourself.

 

[Hikak]

I have told my therapist this and she seems to understand but hasn't explained it. Sex isn't for me. Never has been. It's for the other one. Keep it that way and let me play my role and I'm fine but once you make it about me I can't do it without side effects. I plain out can't. Don't know if that makes sense

 

[Vokef]

I also find orgasms extremely painful. I also hate sex, if I never have sex again it will be too soon. I have also masturbated, but I think I do it as a punishment. I was abused by my father, he often made me climax so he could tell me how much I wanted it. I have never gotten over that shame and guilt.

 

[Busuve]

If you are bleeding during masturbation you should talk to your physician. There may be issues and you may have had development issues because of the abuse.

 

[Excaliberya]

If you are bleeding during masturbation you should talk to your physician. There may be issues and you may have had dev...

I'll be meeting with my gynecologist next year in May, so I'm thinking I'll ask then.

 

[Azica]

My mother had sex with me along with my step dad. It did go very far. It went just as far as it possibly could.

Some people become hypersexual, which is me, and some people become hyposexual (repressed sexual urges, finding sex unpleasant or even dirty, feeling repulsed by sex) and that seems to be where you are. Where ever someone falls is ok and both are completely normal. You may still masturbate because you were taught it is what normal people do or it is what you are supposed to do regardless of whether its pleasurable or not. Just a guess. Either way, fully normal.

Do you have a therapist? If so, eventually I say you need to tell them this even though it is embarrasing. They need to know as its abuse connected and needs to be worked through. You may just stop or even find it pleasurable as you work through your abuse, however, for me a lot of shame was connected to it and I had to work through it all by itself.

What I learned by telling my therapist is that he is extremely human. I already knew he had 4 kids and is married so obviously he knows how sex works. It's the masturbation and the very shameful stuff I still did that was hard to tell him and he caught onto hints pretty well, set my mind at ease that it was normal and worked through the orginal shame and then once I could talk about it, we worked through it.

Yes, likely you will feel very ashamed. But therapists have heard it all before, most likely anyway.

If you don't have a therapist I would find one as you really need to work through your abuse with a trained professional.

I'm sorry it happened and I fully understand! :hug: