Marie E.
Diamond Member
Eat0249, I just got to give you a *Great big bear hug* from reading your experience!! Hang in there, I know it is hard!
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((((((EAT))))))))
Shame is such a bitch. I know how biting it can be. I cross over the line A LOT because I am so f'ed up. And gad, the shame. I have it now at work every time I see the Supervsor who it seemed I was flirting with. I wasn't but I am so messed up, maybe I was.
I just feel it. So what? So what if I had yanked his drawars down and told him I wanted him? I think worst case.........what if I had disrobed him and touched him?? SO DAMN WHAT. Yes, I would be fired. Good. It will all be past tense anyway.
Yet I still feel that horrific and you are right......it's HORRIFIC shame that just bites away at me like I am the most horrible person is the world.
Shame is such a bitch. I know how biting it can be. I cross over the line A LOT because I am so f'ed up. And gad, the shame. I have it now at work every time I see the Supervsor who it seemed I was flirting with. I wasn't but I am so messed up, maybe I was.
I just feel it. So what? So what if I had yanked his drawars down and told him I wanted him? I think worst case.........what if I had disrobed him and touched him?? SO DAMN WHAT. Yes, I would be fired. Good. It will all be past tense anyway.
Yet I still feel that horrific and you are right......it's HORRIFIC shame that just bites away at me like I am the most horrible person is the world.
Eat I am so sorry for what happened to you.
After delivering my last child, I was given strong pain meds. The night before being discharge, I awoke with staff in my room was given a shot during assault, which I will not go into. I was back asleep but awoke in the a.m. with extreme anxiety, calling my husband in a panic to come and get me. This was the beginning of ptsd symptoms.
Over time I have come to believe that it was a nightmare brought on by over medication. Although I have to say, denial of the thought that this could have actually happened is necessary as I could do nothing and had no support from my husband. He even thought I was sick for thinking such a thing. I honestly have no idea if it happened or was dream.
Yours was real and you know that. Mine, likely dream was so traumatic that I can not imagine what you must be going through. I am so sorry and hope you are able to heal from this. I know that it doesnt need to be said but Im saying it again, We are not responslible when under drugs, you did not cause this, you cant change it, can you challenge how you view it? Hugs
After delivering my last child, I was given strong pain meds. The night before being discharge, I awoke with staff in my room was given a shot during assault, which I will not go into. I was back asleep but awoke in the a.m. with extreme anxiety, calling my husband in a panic to come and get me. This was the beginning of ptsd symptoms.
Over time I have come to believe that it was a nightmare brought on by over medication. Although I have to say, denial of the thought that this could have actually happened is necessary as I could do nothing and had no support from my husband. He even thought I was sick for thinking such a thing. I honestly have no idea if it happened or was dream.
Yours was real and you know that. Mine, likely dream was so traumatic that I can not imagine what you must be going through. I am so sorry and hope you are able to heal from this. I know that it doesnt need to be said but Im saying it again, We are not responslible when under drugs, you did not cause this, you cant change it, can you challenge how you view it? Hugs
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- #16
J
just me here
I just had a session where my T had me talking about experiences were shame was an appropriate response and the good things that came to me from that emotion. It was hard at first, but I was able to start generally and work up to specific examples and then come to grips with the positive aspects of fealing the shame, and then finally aplying the positive aspects of shame to the shame I fealt that I had always thought was a huge negative and nothing else.
If the experience made you aware of an aspect of yourself that you were not previously aware of, thats a positive. If it helps you avoid similar situations in the future, thats a positive. And writing about it and sharing these thoughts with so many others that can benifit from your openness is a positive too, right?
If the experience made you aware of an aspect of yourself that you were not previously aware of, thats a positive. If it helps you avoid similar situations in the future, thats a positive. And writing about it and sharing these thoughts with so many others that can benifit from your openness is a positive too, right?
I think a lot of times it's hard to get things out of your head even when you rationally understand you're not to blame. It sounds like this whole thing was terrible for you and I think having that thought (the worry over what happened) was so terrible that it probably got wedged in your brain in the incorrect way that things can get wedged.
Of course you're not to blame (which I hope you already know). And the entire thing sounds terrible.. The ridicule from the staff.. their treatment toward you.
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Of course you're not to blame (which I hope you already know). And the entire thing sounds terrible.. The ridicule from the staff.. their treatment toward you.
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Marie E.
Diamond Member
Here is a way to think of it : Healthy shame / Toxic shame
- Post starter
- #20
K
Kb3
You guys are awesome. Thank you so much. You are the "shamebusters".
I guess for me its like this: when someone is rude to me in the street, or tries to cheat me, or in any other way hurt or manipulate me, I can speak about it and get feedback to get my head right with it if I can't do it myself.
With this I can't tell anyone about it without risking getting hurt again or hurting someone else, so I have been alone with it. I just needed to normalize this unbelievably abnormal experience. To be able to say that I was hurt and humiliated in the worst possible way by people who I had entrusted my life with, and accept that it happened and that it didn't kill me. That is a lot of reality to let in, and I couldn't do it alone.
Thank you.:)
I guess for me its like this: when someone is rude to me in the street, or tries to cheat me, or in any other way hurt or manipulate me, I can speak about it and get feedback to get my head right with it if I can't do it myself.
With this I can't tell anyone about it without risking getting hurt again or hurting someone else, so I have been alone with it. I just needed to normalize this unbelievably abnormal experience. To be able to say that I was hurt and humiliated in the worst possible way by people who I had entrusted my life with, and accept that it happened and that it didn't kill me. That is a lot of reality to let in, and I couldn't do it alone.
Thank you.:)
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- #21
K
Kb3
((((((((((Brat)))))))))
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K
Kb3
((((((((Kimberley Dawn)))))))
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- #24
K
Kb3
I'd say a lot of the things that were said to me in this thread actually.
Funny how we're harder on ourselves than anyone else is.:rolleyes:
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