Shame - Help

[Lionheart]

How can I stop feeling shame about this? I know that they carry much, if not all, of the blame, but I feel like that if I wasn't such a craven, flawed human being that I wouldn't have acted this way to begin with.

It has been my experience that one has to stop blaming themselves for being a "flawed human being' in order to release the shame. We are all flawed human beings and I doubt very seriously that you are any more flawed than any other person.

You were mistreated and disrespected by people who were in a position of authority and they hold ALL of the blame...not just some of it...ALL of it!!!

 

[Kb3]

Thanks Lionheart, that's so kind.

 

[KP the nut]

I am a better person now than I was before PTSD. I am kinder to others and more importantly kinder to myself. Some days I struggle to believe it, but T made me realise that to heal I needed to be nicer to me. Once I began doing that, I began the healing journey.

I found this and I put it in my affirmation book.

(((HUGS)))

 

[Kb3]

I LOVE that KP, and you are most certainly one of those beautiful people! Thank you:).

 

[angel2write]

Was reading through this and really feeling for you, Eat0429.

Shame must serve some kind of healthy purpose normally. I guess maybe to help us conform to the social standards around us. When we violate customs or manners, like sneezing in someone's drink or something, everyone stares, or laughs, and we feel shame. The shame makes us want to learn not to do it again so we'll be socially acceptable, right? Then we fix it, and we feel ok.

But in your case, you were totally helpless, naked, drugged, and even cut open for surgery. You couldn't control your situation, your response to the drugs, or your behavior. When you think about them laughing at you, you feel this huge shame response... but there's nothing for you to do. You can't fix it, because you didn't actually do anything wrong. So the shame just kind of hangs there like some kind of poisonous cloud.

I struggle a lot with this miasma of shame, too. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it. How to resolve feeling shame when i know, logically, I have no reason to feel it, but I still do. I guess, like you did, the first thing is to talk about it. To get it out in the open. But then what? I've asked this question in other places on the forum and I'm still kind of searching for answers. How do we get rid of the shame?

Is there, like, a de-greaser or spot remover that works? :rolleyes:

A

 

[Kb3]

Thanks Angel2write. I am normally a modest person who has never been into any kind of exhibitionism. In a million years I would never act the way I did on those drugs. The shame I have felt about it is indescribable.

It has also been so incredibly hard to deal with the element of human cruelty involved. Two days after the surgery the junior doctors who had been in the OR came to my room on rounds and made fun of me about what had happened. I didn't understand what they were talking about until I got my memory back and it still blows my mind that such scum were allowed to become doctors in the first place. They shouldn't have been allowed anywhere near me and there will NEVER be an excuse for what they did.

The nurse that betrayed me so badly by failing to protect me in the OR was also allowed to come to my room a few days after the surgery, I imagine so that they would be able to see if I remembered anything before they discharged me. I didn't even know who she was at the time, but she certainly made it clear that she knew me. If I ever come in contact with her again I cannot be held responsible for what I would do to her.

I also have no idea if any of them were disciplined over what happened or if the nurse anesthetist who left me awake during the surgery is still practicing. The thought of him being free to hurt more people is almost more than I can take.

This is a specialist hospital with a very good reputation. The surgeon who operated on me and was the recipient of my amorous behavior is the medical director there. He has met my husband and shaken his hand. Before I remembered what happened I actually went to him for follow up appointments. How can he live with himself? I will never, ever understand.

There is no way I will ever trust a doctor, a nurse or a hospital again. It is all I can do to go to my GP when I am unwell now and she is a good person as well as a good doctor. I can't even go to the dentist without a lot of distress. The condition that I was operated on for was a benign bone tumour, which fortunately has a low reoccurrence rate, because I cannot bring myself to have it followed up properly. These people have taken so much away from me.:cry:

I don't know what the answer is to the shame is. Total degradation is shameful no matter how innocent the victim. I have recovered from more of it than I ever thought I could, but this is the one part that stays no matter what I try. I'll certainly let you know if I ever figure it out, and if you do first, please tell me.

 

[Marie E.]

(((Eat)))