I used to write down what I wanted to say and then rehearse it like it was a monologue in a play. Took about 12 years for me to realize I could say anything in therapy and be perfectly safe about it. So now I talk about whatever is the issue. Even have made admissions about lying or omitting stuff over the years. Sometimes she's surprised by what I say but always accepting.
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Share Your Experience Of Telling T Hard Things.
- Post starter Lee2001
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My t at the time did this to me, I was amazed at how I could go from just sitting there and to just a muscle tic from physically attacking him, he knew I had exposed a raw nerve.
When I was coherent again he apologized for what he did, but said it was necessary to make sure I was genuine.
Well I passed his test with flying colors.
G
My t at the time did this to me, I was amazed at how I could go from just sitting there and to just a muscle tic from physically attacking him, he knew I had exposed a raw nerve.
When I was coherent again he apologized for what he did, but said it was necessary to make sure I was genuine.
Well I passed his test with flying colors.
G
By making it as light and a one liner as I can manage.
One of my difficulties finding therapists, I've realized recently. Most therapists don't *get* the most vulnerable shares are the shortest ones, & those I'm the most 'no big deal' about. Because they're a big deal. It's already decades of wallowing in my head, doesn't need to be that yet in my words.
Blessed for informal support network, far more, for that. They grok it, been there done that.
One of my difficulties finding therapists, I've realized recently. Most therapists don't *get* the most vulnerable shares are the shortest ones, & those I'm the most 'no big deal' about. Because they're a big deal. It's already decades of wallowing in my head, doesn't need to be that yet in my words.
Blessed for informal support network, far more, for that. They grok it, been there done that.
Hm, for the most part it just comes out. I suspect my therapist is unnaturally good at reading body language or something because she always just seems to know when there is something on my mind, so I've kind of given up on ever trying to hide or withhold stuff from her.
But with one big and very bad one I did write it down because I felt like if I didn't I would never tell her about it and it also felt like it was about to slip from my memory or something like I was going to force myself to never think about it again. So it was like 2AM and I was half asleep writing it down and I folded it up and put it in my purse and for the rest of that week I just dreaded the idea of giving it to her. Then the session came along and of course she could tell I was tense or something half way through and when she asked what I was thinking I just ended up telling it all to her. Never even had to take the paper out.
So I do think there are many benefits to writing things down. Even if you don't hand it over, it still might help you organize your thoughts/feelings or give you more courage to say it out loud.
But with one big and very bad one I did write it down because I felt like if I didn't I would never tell her about it and it also felt like it was about to slip from my memory or something like I was going to force myself to never think about it again. So it was like 2AM and I was half asleep writing it down and I folded it up and put it in my purse and for the rest of that week I just dreaded the idea of giving it to her. Then the session came along and of course she could tell I was tense or something half way through and when she asked what I was thinking I just ended up telling it all to her. Never even had to take the paper out.
So I do think there are many benefits to writing things down. Even if you don't hand it over, it still might help you organize your thoughts/feelings or give you more courage to say it out loud.
SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
I'm struggling with this now. I open a kind of heavy subject with my therapist, and she knows the general idea. And I know it, I feel it that at this point I want to talk about it and get it out of me. But I keep talking around it. We even tried with her asking questions. But every time I get close to the actual event, I freeze. Literally. I stare at her and start feeling like I'm going to pass out if I say anything. And my talking gets all broken in separate words with pause in between and I'm shaking...
We tried few times in different ways. And even though I'm struggling with memories the whole week and I'm dying to get to therapy and be able to talk, once I try, I freeze again. My therapist knows the main idea, but still, I need to talk about it to start feeling better, and I can't seem to be able to.
Last time she said that it's okay, and I'll be able to when it's time, but I really want to be able to get this out of me.
She's been very compassionate though, I'm happy with that. She has a good approach, but still professional and also trying to let me speak and not push me towards anything. But at the times when I feel the worst struggling with this she has told me one thing she's sure of(and she never does that, always let's me get to conslusions and whatnot) but she told me that if I'm starting to talk (as much as that's possible) about that, she knows, she can see, for sure, that I'm strong enough to handle it. So it's kind of comforting to hear that, since she doesn't give opinions otherwise.
We tried few times in different ways. And even though I'm struggling with memories the whole week and I'm dying to get to therapy and be able to talk, once I try, I freeze again. My therapist knows the main idea, but still, I need to talk about it to start feeling better, and I can't seem to be able to.
Last time she said that it's okay, and I'll be able to when it's time, but I really want to be able to get this out of me.
She's been very compassionate though, I'm happy with that. She has a good approach, but still professional and also trying to let me speak and not push me towards anything. But at the times when I feel the worst struggling with this she has told me one thing she's sure of(and she never does that, always let's me get to conslusions and whatnot) but she told me that if I'm starting to talk (as much as that's possible) about that, she knows, she can see, for sure, that I'm strong enough to handle it. So it's kind of comforting to hear that, since she doesn't give opinions otherwise.
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Wow reading of all these is so helpful and eye opening. How nice it is to have insight from all of you. This site and all of your responses sure do help me out with how to handle therapy and treatment. Thank goodness there are people like you all who understand. I have learned from this such as not sharing too much if it isnt time, writing things down even if it's just to organize thoughts, and to understand why sharing with T that way can know if it really will make you feel better! In my case there is one thing I should share to get help with. It is also good to see how your therapist responds to you all etc...as I am fearful of sharing.
amosmorris
Silver Member
I go kind of "word salad"--lots and lots of words that tumble out faster and jumbled together and mixed in with anxiety...and she dials me back and tries to get me to stay in the "feeling"....this is all very hard stuff.
Friday
Sponsor
LMAO. I do this. Hard.
A, the, if, -deep breath- and, go, then, why, how, not, the, the, ...motherf*cker! A noun! Can I buy a noun? Not just string along connecting words to the pictures in my head which no one else but me can see??? :banghead:
Or the maaaaaybe if someone speaks pidgin they'd grok what I'm laying down... Cause the words? All there. The order? Bwaaaahahahaha. Um. No.
:cautious::shifty::ninja:
amosmorris
Silver Member
Ha! Yes--last time I had this experience my T was like, "Ok--so did you just hear all the words that just came out? Can we just go back a slow it down?" :nailbiting:
Lola Nocheprieta
Diamond Member
I try to be open in general, and this is the most honest and transparent I've ever been in t. I've taken to "confessing" to her about self-harm straight up, first thing in a session. that's been the easiest way to deal with it for me, a "rip the bandaid off" approach. :woot:
It's hard enough to say what really happened, to talk about specific memories or events. In those cases I talk around it, use euphemisms, speak really slowly with a lot of pauses and "um's" and generally sound unusually inarticulate. But I am getting better at spitting it out as we go through the the imaginal exposures of PE.
But that's not what really paralyzed me. There are things I'd like to tell her, not about the past but current stuff, that I'm so personally conflicted about and ashamed of that I'm sure she'll think I'm a monster for even thinking such things and she'll hate me or even just look at me differently. :(I haven't figured out yet how to tell her and it's eating me up inside. I'm not sure how to deal with this. I might have to share on the forum, first, but even that's hard to imagine. I'll probably do some writing and art journaling about it, in some obscure fashion, and then show her and start to talk around it, tell her how afraid I am of her judgment or losing favor. I have to remind myself she's never actually given me any reason to doubt that she'd be anything other than accepting and compassionate. <sigh> f*ck, this is a really hard one for me.
It's hard enough to say what really happened, to talk about specific memories or events. In those cases I talk around it, use euphemisms, speak really slowly with a lot of pauses and "um's" and generally sound unusually inarticulate. But I am getting better at spitting it out as we go through the the imaginal exposures of PE.
But that's not what really paralyzed me. There are things I'd like to tell her, not about the past but current stuff, that I'm so personally conflicted about and ashamed of that I'm sure she'll think I'm a monster for even thinking such things and she'll hate me or even just look at me differently. :(I haven't figured out yet how to tell her and it's eating me up inside. I'm not sure how to deal with this. I might have to share on the forum, first, but even that's hard to imagine. I'll probably do some writing and art journaling about it, in some obscure fashion, and then show her and start to talk around it, tell her how afraid I am of her judgment or losing favor. I have to remind myself she's never actually given me any reason to doubt that she'd be anything other than accepting and compassionate. <sigh> f*ck, this is a really hard one for me.
Lola Nocheprieta
Diamond Member
I'm so laughing any time I read that, pardon the TMI, because I don't get that response at all. I mean, I get it, but don't relate to it at all.
Bed's so much a place to get the sobbing wreck Everything that's wrong with my life face on. I can keep it together in therapy (that's not home & safety, everything that's not home is work and if it's work it gets gazillion masks on whether I work on it or not). Home, that's a mess. Need me some hard booze and/or meds or a heckuva lot sparring to even start with pesky things like words and coherence. :cautious:
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