didithappen
Bronze Member
Hey all,
Firstly, sorry this is a long one.
My wife destroyed the world as I know it on the 7th feb, and on the 8th August she absolutely tore apart what was left.
Where to start.... I am a 1 in 6 male. I was molested by my grandfather as a child, and groomed and abused with another teenager.
I met my wife in 1993, and we married in 1996, in sept 1997 we moved in to our family home.
My wife has never let go of being bullied at school, nor dealt with it, any time she is in a stressful position she claims she is bullied.
In 1998 my wife's Dentist changed, the one she worked with for 10 years moved, and she did not like the replacement, much faster working pace. Eventually it turned in to bullying. I told her to look for another job, and in May 1998 she quit and moved. But six months later gave up work completely due to bullying.
In 2000 she was diagnosed Agoraphobic, and by 2007 stopped getting dressed out of her nightclothes. She showered maybe once/twice a week.
And in 2011 she became preganant with our son. This perked her up massively. She was planning days out, trips to the park, friends, groups, high street.
My wife was back.
I now know that 2 days after our son was born she was offered a Mental Health Midwife at the hospital and refused. (was not aware at the time)
But slowly after the birth of our son my wife's anger grew. She would snap at the slightest thing. If she dropped a spoon in the kitchen it was a swearing match.
Friends stopped calling around. They became more distant. Making daft excuses for not popping in.
After three months I called to a friends. My wife's mood swings were terrible. Like two entirely different women. We talked and he told me what his wife went through. She came in and joined in, they both told me to take her to our GP, she clearly had post natal, and all my friends had noticed.
I talked with my wife, but that started an argument, eventually her saying "I am not going to our GP to be branded a bad mother and a failure".
And this carried on for months, eventually she agreed to go to private therapy. I felt some hope. However she returned from her first appointment "She confirmed - I don't have post natal depression, I am only slightly depressed".
After one 50 minute session!
The following weeks and months I wondered if she actually did go.
Then came our first Family Christmas. Meant to be a happy one, all my childhood ones were terrible, and this one turned out no different.
My wife ruled the day, I was instructed where to sit, to hold the video camera and watch her help our son unwrap his presents.
Then she unwrapped hers, ones from me, and ones I got from our son. Her responses did not fill me with love.
I sat there looking at her, the silence, then "Oh, I didn't get you anything, never know what to buy you".
"Not even from our son?"
"No".
The atmosphere was thick for the rest of the day, and I came down with a migraine, I went for a lay down, and cried myself to sleep.
The rest of the day was the same, her swearing repeatedly from the kitchen, me on egg shells, and it was a terrible day.
Next morning I was greeted in the kitchen with "What the f... was wrong with you yesterday".
I said the above. "You are just being over sensitive", then it burst in to a full fledged me walking away and her running shouting.
She tried to punch me, then turned it to I abuse her, I bully and pick on her. So I packed a bag and left, went to my mums.
I gave her a letter I had been typing for weeks. I choose a letter as each time I tried to talk to her it ended in her screaming.
And on route I sent her an email asking her why she claimed such hurtful stuff, when for 21 years I had supported her.
Her response "To lash out and hurt you, and I am truly sorry, you don't..."
I came home and we promised to be more open, but by march it got back the same,
I was going to see my Mum again, she was diagnosed terminally ill a few months before my son was born. So I wanted to see her. I suggested taking our son with me for a few days, give my wife some time off. It would also let me see her day and her see mine.
She went mad, turned in to a full argument again, she tried to punch me, and I left. Another letter, this time saying we were over.
Over the week I talked with my mum, and would only talk with my wife by email, I felt afraid of her.
My Mum begged me to get her the help she needed, she knew what she was talking about, my mother had a Psychology degree, and also had suffered post natal depression. She was in tears.
I returned home, we talked, then I said "Honey, I can feel your depression, its like a big black blanket trying to surround me and suck me in". Her response = "Are you sure its my depression, my therapist thinks it is you, not me".
It threw me that we were not raising our voices, and I bit. I went to our GP, and straight away he put me on anti-depressants. I was starting to have nightmares, but could not make sense of them.
Once I started these tabs, the nightmares got clearer. Until I started to remember my past. Then I started having flashbacks.
My wife kept pushing me back to the doc and mental health, saying the tablets were not working. Until by the September I was on the strongest dose. With sleeping tablets.
She started convincing me that conversations, or previous days events did not happen how I remembered it, or ideas were hers, not mine, but when it didnt pan out, it was a bad idea of mine. And by October had started to convince me I had multiple personality disorder (DID) because I could not remember sections of days.
My GP put me on sleeping tablets to help with the nightmares. And by January I was getting so paranoid one day my wife work me urgently. She did this alot when I left a note on the spare room door saying I had taken sleeping tabs.
So I grabbed my Dictaphone, and pressed record. I kept it in my pocket the entire day. And it is stunning, including four different explanations on why she showed anger to my by drawing her fist to punch me, first being I looked angry (I felt a flash back coming), secondly I was a child when the abuse happened so I need to be shown discipline, She felt angry, and she showed no anger.
She also goes on to say if she ever pressed charges against me for hitting her, no one would believe me, she is only 5ft woman and I am a 6ft bloke.
Then "Wouldn't it be funny if you did not have multiple, I mean tell someone they have it enough, psycosymatic..."
A week later my mother passed away, my wife and I went to the funeral, and left our son with her sister. He was only 2 and we did not want him involved in all that grief.
The entire journey, my wife had panic attack after panic attack. It was a 600 mile journey with ferry. She did the same on the ferry, and at the wake. She kept running out down the street in tears. I had to run after her.
By the end of the funeral she was in pieces again, she kept apologising for not being able to support me. So we went to have some lunch and a toast to my mum.
Thats were it all went to pieces, she was an emotional mess, and it ended in her calling the police because I was a danger to myself. They turned up, we had a ten minute chat and they apologised.
We left the town to stay in a hotel, I had work to catch up on, so I told my wife to sleep, we had a long journey in the morning, and she was driving the first section. But after a few hours she woke and started arguing again. It resulted in me saying when we got home that was it, divorce.
She went mad, sad she wanted the car to go home, I could go fxxx a guy or girl, it did not matter, and make my one way home.
She was calling the police to get me arrested and sectioned. So I took the car and went to the police.
While there, she checked out, took my wallet, ID, bank cards, driving license, money and meds, she cleared out our bank accounts and ran.
By the time I got back I had £1.60 in change, and no way to get any more. No phone either.
4 days later I got home to find she took our son and ran to a womans refuge claiming I am an abusive partner. She changed her mobile number, email, diverted our bank mail to her sisters to hide what she had done.
I tried to contact her by all means, but in the end started family court. The first two hearings she did not show, this one she did, and is now claiming I am violent, drug and alcohol abuse and that I sexually abused our son.
So now I am being investigated, and still no contact with my son, 6 months after she ran off.
Since she did, I went through her internet history, found that she had joined a supporters forum for those supporting people abused as a child, and started with an introduction saying she was there to help support me. And four days later posted "He thinks its all about him, I am considering taking our son and running".
That was in September, so she has had this planned since then.
I fell so lost, crushed. And sorry for the really long post. any advice?
Firstly, sorry this is a long one.
My wife destroyed the world as I know it on the 7th feb, and on the 8th August she absolutely tore apart what was left.
Where to start.... I am a 1 in 6 male. I was molested by my grandfather as a child, and groomed and abused with another teenager.
I met my wife in 1993, and we married in 1996, in sept 1997 we moved in to our family home.
My wife has never let go of being bullied at school, nor dealt with it, any time she is in a stressful position she claims she is bullied.
In 1998 my wife's Dentist changed, the one she worked with for 10 years moved, and she did not like the replacement, much faster working pace. Eventually it turned in to bullying. I told her to look for another job, and in May 1998 she quit and moved. But six months later gave up work completely due to bullying.
In 2000 she was diagnosed Agoraphobic, and by 2007 stopped getting dressed out of her nightclothes. She showered maybe once/twice a week.
And in 2011 she became preganant with our son. This perked her up massively. She was planning days out, trips to the park, friends, groups, high street.
My wife was back.
I now know that 2 days after our son was born she was offered a Mental Health Midwife at the hospital and refused. (was not aware at the time)
But slowly after the birth of our son my wife's anger grew. She would snap at the slightest thing. If she dropped a spoon in the kitchen it was a swearing match.
Friends stopped calling around. They became more distant. Making daft excuses for not popping in.
After three months I called to a friends. My wife's mood swings were terrible. Like two entirely different women. We talked and he told me what his wife went through. She came in and joined in, they both told me to take her to our GP, she clearly had post natal, and all my friends had noticed.
I talked with my wife, but that started an argument, eventually her saying "I am not going to our GP to be branded a bad mother and a failure".
And this carried on for months, eventually she agreed to go to private therapy. I felt some hope. However she returned from her first appointment "She confirmed - I don't have post natal depression, I am only slightly depressed".
After one 50 minute session!
The following weeks and months I wondered if she actually did go.
Then came our first Family Christmas. Meant to be a happy one, all my childhood ones were terrible, and this one turned out no different.
My wife ruled the day, I was instructed where to sit, to hold the video camera and watch her help our son unwrap his presents.
Then she unwrapped hers, ones from me, and ones I got from our son. Her responses did not fill me with love.
I sat there looking at her, the silence, then "Oh, I didn't get you anything, never know what to buy you".
"Not even from our son?"
"No".
The atmosphere was thick for the rest of the day, and I came down with a migraine, I went for a lay down, and cried myself to sleep.
The rest of the day was the same, her swearing repeatedly from the kitchen, me on egg shells, and it was a terrible day.
Next morning I was greeted in the kitchen with "What the f... was wrong with you yesterday".
I said the above. "You are just being over sensitive", then it burst in to a full fledged me walking away and her running shouting.
She tried to punch me, then turned it to I abuse her, I bully and pick on her. So I packed a bag and left, went to my mums.
I gave her a letter I had been typing for weeks. I choose a letter as each time I tried to talk to her it ended in her screaming.
And on route I sent her an email asking her why she claimed such hurtful stuff, when for 21 years I had supported her.
Her response "To lash out and hurt you, and I am truly sorry, you don't..."
I came home and we promised to be more open, but by march it got back the same,
I was going to see my Mum again, she was diagnosed terminally ill a few months before my son was born. So I wanted to see her. I suggested taking our son with me for a few days, give my wife some time off. It would also let me see her day and her see mine.
She went mad, turned in to a full argument again, she tried to punch me, and I left. Another letter, this time saying we were over.
Over the week I talked with my mum, and would only talk with my wife by email, I felt afraid of her.
My Mum begged me to get her the help she needed, she knew what she was talking about, my mother had a Psychology degree, and also had suffered post natal depression. She was in tears.
I returned home, we talked, then I said "Honey, I can feel your depression, its like a big black blanket trying to surround me and suck me in". Her response = "Are you sure its my depression, my therapist thinks it is you, not me".
It threw me that we were not raising our voices, and I bit. I went to our GP, and straight away he put me on anti-depressants. I was starting to have nightmares, but could not make sense of them.
Once I started these tabs, the nightmares got clearer. Until I started to remember my past. Then I started having flashbacks.
My wife kept pushing me back to the doc and mental health, saying the tablets were not working. Until by the September I was on the strongest dose. With sleeping tablets.
She started convincing me that conversations, or previous days events did not happen how I remembered it, or ideas were hers, not mine, but when it didnt pan out, it was a bad idea of mine. And by October had started to convince me I had multiple personality disorder (DID) because I could not remember sections of days.
My GP put me on sleeping tablets to help with the nightmares. And by January I was getting so paranoid one day my wife work me urgently. She did this alot when I left a note on the spare room door saying I had taken sleeping tabs.
So I grabbed my Dictaphone, and pressed record. I kept it in my pocket the entire day. And it is stunning, including four different explanations on why she showed anger to my by drawing her fist to punch me, first being I looked angry (I felt a flash back coming), secondly I was a child when the abuse happened so I need to be shown discipline, She felt angry, and she showed no anger.
She also goes on to say if she ever pressed charges against me for hitting her, no one would believe me, she is only 5ft woman and I am a 6ft bloke.
Then "Wouldn't it be funny if you did not have multiple, I mean tell someone they have it enough, psycosymatic..."
A week later my mother passed away, my wife and I went to the funeral, and left our son with her sister. He was only 2 and we did not want him involved in all that grief.
The entire journey, my wife had panic attack after panic attack. It was a 600 mile journey with ferry. She did the same on the ferry, and at the wake. She kept running out down the street in tears. I had to run after her.
By the end of the funeral she was in pieces again, she kept apologising for not being able to support me. So we went to have some lunch and a toast to my mum.
Thats were it all went to pieces, she was an emotional mess, and it ended in her calling the police because I was a danger to myself. They turned up, we had a ten minute chat and they apologised.
We left the town to stay in a hotel, I had work to catch up on, so I told my wife to sleep, we had a long journey in the morning, and she was driving the first section. But after a few hours she woke and started arguing again. It resulted in me saying when we got home that was it, divorce.
She went mad, sad she wanted the car to go home, I could go fxxx a guy or girl, it did not matter, and make my one way home.
She was calling the police to get me arrested and sectioned. So I took the car and went to the police.
While there, she checked out, took my wallet, ID, bank cards, driving license, money and meds, she cleared out our bank accounts and ran.
By the time I got back I had £1.60 in change, and no way to get any more. No phone either.
4 days later I got home to find she took our son and ran to a womans refuge claiming I am an abusive partner. She changed her mobile number, email, diverted our bank mail to her sisters to hide what she had done.
I tried to contact her by all means, but in the end started family court. The first two hearings she did not show, this one she did, and is now claiming I am violent, drug and alcohol abuse and that I sexually abused our son.
So now I am being investigated, and still no contact with my son, 6 months after she ran off.
Since she did, I went through her internet history, found that she had joined a supporters forum for those supporting people abused as a child, and started with an introduction saying she was there to help support me. And four days later posted "He thinks its all about him, I am considering taking our son and running".
That was in September, so she has had this planned since then.
I fell so lost, crushed. And sorry for the really long post. any advice?
