Dom Violence She Crushed My World, And Now Is Trying To Destroy What Is Left

[Meadowsweet]

So sorry this is happening. All I can do is keep fingers crossed that justice will be done. Keep going.

 

[didithappen]

Another quick update.

Sold my car, which has given me a bit of a breather financially, and I do not have to make the first child maintenance payment until 1st November, which we have family court before that, were hopefully I should start to get access to my son.

Today the test results came back for the court ordered Hair and Blood drug and alcohol tests - I came back negative for all tests, so she can never say or accuse me of Drug or Alcohol abuse in court again, she has been proved to be a liar on those two.

The psych evaluation is booked for the 6th Oct, and hopefully off the back of that I will be classed as Mentally sound.

My solicitor has drawn up a list of my allegations against her for abuse, and there are 11 points on the list, with dates, so very specific, and the difference is, all of mine is backed up by evidence. Hers is not.

I feel a bit more upbeat today, the test results have given me a boost.

 

[didithappen]

Update - had family court again, after psych evals on both, drugs and alcohol etc, and it has now been ordered I am safe and no threat to my son, and to begin to rebuild our relationship I get 2 hours every second week, its a start and I will get to see my boy, did not get what I ideally wanted, but she has to comply. Then back in to court after 6, for a review and then set my future with my son, and she cannot stop it now. So positive, I am emotionally drained, have not stopped crying since getting home. Its also a huge financial relief, as if it had gone further than today, the next court date would have been an entire day, so the solicitor bill would have bankrupted me.

 

[Mar]

Your story is heartbreaking. It sounds like you are divorcing a sociopath (also interchangeably called psychopaths or antisocial personality disorder). Please look it up and educate yourself to protect yourself if you think that is a correct assumption. Sociopaths systematically disassemble your world, your identity, and your social support to serve their gain. They are extremely narcissistic, self-serving, self-centered and create chaos in your life ON PURPOSE. The abuse is insidious, malicious, and premeditated to weaken you and discredit you. They can be great imitators of emotion but are without a moral conscience or empathy as we know it. They are great liars and enlist others to back them. The psychological abuse is astounding and combined with your childhood trauma, and court battles will be very hard to cope with. Cognitive behavioral therapy with EMDR helps. Good luck to you and your little boy.

 

[didithappen]

Mar - I know, and my evidence supports it, but never had the opportunity to present.

I did care deeply about her and getting her the help she needs, but realised that is no longer my job, my only concern now is my life and future with my son.

I already had someone diagnose her with that after looking through the transcript of audio I recorded, but she managed to fool the psychiatrist who performed the evaluations, so already lost hope in those there for these issues.

 

[Tanishq]

Man, I have no words for this. Your wife did this all for what? What did she get now? Nothing. What makes me wonder where did she get such devastating mental illness that destroyed everything, now she is about to destroy herself as well.

I wish you get your son safely and start a new life with him.

 

[didithappen]

I know, it has cost thousands in legal fees, money I would have much preferred to spend on our son. We talked about divorce many times over the past two years, and she always maintained "I will never stop you seeing your son", well it is now almost 9 months since I have.

She tried to destroy me, I know why, she was brought up that failure was not an option, so she had to have a fall guy to pin it all on, and her family believed every word of it after knowing me for 21 years. Screw them, do not need them in my life.

I do worry for her, what she will do, the unpredictability is just too much some times, but as things settle she will have less room to manipulate, as it is all under court order, and if she disobeys it, she ends up in court.

 

[Tanishq]

Her statements sounds very out of mind. Like, she doesn't know what she is speaking. Man, that is very frightening. I am glad you have court support there. This is good start for you.

Her bring up sounds very wrong to me, you can't dump garbage on someone else's life. Yes, you don't need them in your life.

 

[didithappen]

Another update. We had a few more family courts, but the final order was set, I get my son every second weekend, alternative wednesdays, half school holidays, fathers day, alternate Christmas's, his birthday shared. And we are starting to rebuild. He loves coming to Daddys for the weekend, and he is always happy to see me.

She is still hiding in a refuge, still claiming I beat her. Its getting sad.

I desparately want to divorce her to cut the final ties, she wont let me sell the house, its 6 months in arrears, and she is even blocking the bank reposessing it.

But she has started divorce against me for..... "Unreasonable Behaviour", I am awaiting to see her petition to see if I will cross petition on ground of abuse, mental, physical and sexual abuse.

Will keep you all updated.

 

[Justmehere]

This sounds so hard to be gong through. I'm glad you and your son are having time with each other that is going well.

 

[The Albatross]

Looks like she's so rigid in denial she's prepared to flush everything. So very sorry you are going through this. The house thing must be vary hard.

 

[didithappen]

Sorry it has been so long.

In much need of a hug.

So much has happened since my last post.

Family court finally ended in April, but the end result was inititally me having my son over night, building to over weekends, then every alternate weekend and following Wednesday afternoon.

First overnight she tried to block the day before(even though ordered by court) as I had moved out of the family home - I had warned her by letter that I could not keep the house going and it would be respossessed - for over 6 months before it happened. Took sending a DBS check on the person I was living with and photos before she agreed.

Until my ex still claiming I was the abusive partner(ignoring she lodged 67 accusations against me, contradicted over 40 in her own three separate submissions, then with my evidence had none, so dropped them providing I dropped mine) moves out of the refuse (living in as I was abusive).... then it was to change to overnight on the wednesday.

She made the promise to family court that she was moving out of the refuge in the coming weeks.

Now eight months later, she is still in the refuge claiming the same. So Wednesdays have now had to be cancelled because of the emotional stress on my son, he cannot understand why he cannot go to daddys house, and it ended in tears once, which threw me in to tears after. So to save him distress, I have put this on hold.

She is now divorcing me for the same reasons as before. our house was respossessed in the end, and it was actually good to let go. In the end after fees, settling the account and laywers, we still have almost £150k sitting with solicitors waiting for us to agree spilt.

I offered 50:50, negotiations etc, no go, she wants it all, and is willing to lie through her teeth to get it.

So we finally role to last thursday, and I recieve a text from her - "following social services safeguarding, you are not to see our son, I will send you a copy of the letter"

And on reciept it was a complaint registered with the police. Today I have had 2 social workers interview me for over an hour, and it is relating to a scratch he had on his side last visit and reported as "daddy did it". They have yet to interview my son on his own.

Now I am in peices.... it took a year of jumping through so many hoops, to prove I was no threat, I have a Psych report claiming I am "No danger to anyone including any child in his care".

I was told - you can now build your life with your son, and now 8 months later I have to prove it all again.

WHY?

How many times is she going to do this, our first xmas together, this weekend we were meant to put the tree up and go see santa, thats gone, and now I may not have him over xmas.

We already covered santa knows he is with Daddy as I wrote to him and told him, so he is coming here.

I would throw myself on a sword for him, I am a survivor, but I am his protector, how f***** dare she pardon my french.

I cannot even feel anger any more, my therapist believes I am moving on, I dont know, am I - I dont hate her, I feel sorry for her, I wish she would feck the f*** out of my life, but apart from that... no... I do not hate her.

Is that moving on?

Sorry rambling, much happened.....need a hug