Dom Violence She hits when she yells

[Lex]

I have been with my F2F on and off for 3 years. When we are good we are great . We really are the best of friends. But she has an anger problem . When she gets mad or your opinion is not what her answer would be she gets angry. When she gets angry eventually she throws a hit here and there. Then later on she says I won't do it again and give a you a kiss so you can let it go. And I always do because I feel so inlove with her . I always tell myself its just her anger and she can' control it and at the moment the abuse is happening I wanna leave but then I don't. Idk what to do. I know I should leave but how ? How do I leave ? I know it's wrong to stay but I feel happy with her. Please help.

 

[Friday]

I know I should leave but how ? How do I leave ?

You break up.

Yes. I know it sounds simple. Because it is. All the complicated stuff boils down to those 3 simple words. How do you leave? By doing it.

 

[Mach123]

Well, in spite of me and my stuff, hitting is not OK? I mean, between consenting adults things can go a lot of ways but, if you are saying "this is not OK," which I'm hearing loud and clear, then it's time for you to do something, forget her and what she says. You can only do something about you. You love her? I get that. So you tell her, "you raise your hand to me again and it'll be the last fu*king time." And you better mean it. She does, you pick up a bag and you walk out. Make the arrangements now. Just my opinion. Sorry you are going through this.

My wife said to me when I married her. "You'll hit me once." I knew she meant it.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

If you think she has a true anger problem then is she open to going to a counselor or something? Also, what is happening at the time of this...what is making her so angry? I know hitting is never ok and I'm not excusing her behavior....but, when she loses control could it be that she is just so beyond triggered by something that she loses control? Also, does she have anger issues around her family and others shes close to? Another idea might be to talk out a plan like if she feels it coming on she can tell you she needs space for a few and then you agree to drop whatever convo it was until she calms down. This is just another side of the coin to look at...

 

[Neverthesame]

Forgive me for being dense but, what's an F2F?

 

[shimmerz]

I looked it up. This is what I got.
F2F - NetLingo The Internet Dictionary: Online Dictionary of Computer and Internet Terms, Acronyms, Text Messaging, Smileys ;-)

No idea if that is right or not.

what's an F2F?

 

[scout86]

but I feel happy with her.

If that's true, and you're happy with things just as they are, I guess staying, and not changing anything, is a legitimate choice. (Maybe not so much if there are kids involved.)

Does it bother HER that she loses her temper and hits? I know, she says the "never do it again" thing. That's pretty common and it's totally meaningless unless it's accompanied by steps to make changes. ALL people who beat other people pretty much say that if they need to trick their victim into staying. If she's happy with things as they are, and you seem to be happy with things as they are, there's not much motivation to change, is there?

There are basically three option 1) Leave things as they are. 2) Change things 3) Get out. (I'll consider "getting killed" as a part of option 2 or 3) You can't change HER, she has to do that and first she has to WANT to do that. But those are the choices, as far as I can see.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

@shimmerz that definition doesnt seem to fit the context..? Idk what it is either...

 

[EveHarrington]

Same sex, female with female I am guessing?

The thing is she CAN control the hitting. She just chooses not to.