Should I Reach Out?

[joeylittle]

contacting my T is what the plan says that I should do at this point but I am feeling torn, we had an extra session yesterday morning (3 this week).

Extra session doesn't matter. If you have a safety plan with your therapist - they would absolutely want you to call, and it sounds like you should call now.

 

[Deanna]

I don't get why you think ending your life would be a fix. That just adds problems and accomplishes the exact opposite. So you're a premium member here, and want to say, you are ending your life because you can, anonymously?

Is this suppose to be some kind of gift to your daughter?

Listen, I'm not on Facebook and don't really care if I get a picture of anyone ( family or no family) ever.. It does nothing for me..

This is on response to your post above of:
It is just my children and one has been so angry/upset with me for months that over the Easter holiday she never reached out and posted a picture of herself and her cousins and their parents tagged as Easter with my family.


I think you're tired and need to call your T. Good Luck and this will turn out differently..

 

[Briellewannabe]

I know I'm late to respond, and hopefully you already sought help, but please remember if you made a plan with your therapist it means she/he WANTS you to use it when it is needed, which sounds like in this case it is. You seem like you're in a panic moment, you cannot think as clearly when you have all those thoughts that seem overwhelming. You made the plan for a reason, right? Because of times like this. Try to think of your past/future self - if your past self wanted a suicide plan it's because you wanted to know you have help during the tough times, and your future self might want to as well. You have options, please, please utilize them and let someone help you.

 

[Stitchin]

I totally understand that survival is exhausting. Please take care of yourself, use your plan you created with your T
BIG LOVE

 

[anonymous]

Thank you everyone for your support. I met with my T this morning and though I had not reached out before I was honest with where I was emotionally and mentally. Rather than reaching out because I was scared of the consequences I cut myself. I know it is not a healthy coping mechanism but it was the only thing that kept me from something much more serious. He was disappointed and I think we need to discuss my emergency plan more because while I understand that he gave me his number for just this type of situation, I feel guilty, embarrassed and ashamed at the idea of interrupting his personal time.

T wants me to really think about some of the things we have been discussing as well as events in my life over the past four months. He believes that to some extent I am still grieving and processing having to return to my hometown twice in two months when I hadn't been there in the two years prior. He also does not believe my S/I and S/H are coincidental as all three of last weeks sessions were focused on my permanently attempting to stop using alcohol and prescription pain meds to self-medicate/self-soothe when I feel as though things are falling apart. Stopping these methods is an integral part of us moving on to really dealing with my traumas because he believes that I need to confront them substance free rather than diving in during therapy and then numbing out rather than dealing with the emotions that surface.