Should i talk to my therapist about sex and my issues surrounding it?

[anonymousflower]

(I have tried looking for rules to see if this was allowed but i can't find anything, so I'm really sorry if this is not allowed!!)
Hey everyone,

I (f19) am in trauma therapy (trauma is not related to sex) and i recently have been having issues surrounding sex. I don't know if i should discuss this in therapy, but i kind of want to. I know i can discuss things not really related to the trauma with my therapist, but I'm unsure if it's inappropriate, because my issue is quite weird...

for some background info, i have had bladder issues all my life (can't properly empty my bladder, it takes a long time) and I've been shamed a lot for it by my parents. I also had a fear of peeing myself when i was around 9, this gradually got better. but a month or 2 ago the fear returned when i had a very vivid nightmare that i was peeing myself.

But, here's the thing:
I think i may have a piss kink? Okay that sounds weird and i hate it, i don't want it, but I've been "self pleasuring" for 2 years and it usually involves pee. It kinda started when I just wanted to know how it felt to pee myself, so i would sit on the toilet with my underwear on and just pee ig? This sounds so bad oml i hate myself for this... but yeah i think that turned me on. And even recently (as in, the beginning of this year) i would get orgasms from touching myself and thinking about peeing myself.
I hate it so much (if that wasn't clear already haha) because i don't want to feel this way, i am still terrified of peeing myself even if i was alone and no one could see, so I think the fear and the "kink" are separate issues but still.
I just feel an insane amount of shame for this, especially the "kink" part but also the fact that i masturbate. I feel like a gross person who shouldn't exist. I just want to get rid of this "kink" and i also would like to stop feeling the urge to touch myself.
(that last part may feel unnecessary because apparently a lot of people do it? But I've been raised by strict christians and so I've been taught that touching yourself is a bad thing)

Could i discuss this with my therapist? Or will that be the end of my therapy? Or even worse, would i be labeled as a bad/dangerous person? I'm so scared... i don't wanna hurt anyone or make anyone uncomfortable
Thanks in advance

 

[Movingforward10]

It's great you are sharing.

Does it help to hear that I don't think there is any shame at all about peeing/masturbating? It's not causing anyone any harm. Your message that it is wrong, is the only thing that is causing you upset.

Bringing it to therapy sounds a good thing to do. In my opinion, it's not so much to learn how to change the behaviour (because in my opinion there is nothing wrong with the behaviour), but to work through this shame you have about your behaviour. It's shame that is the issue and shame is something therapists can talk about. And shame in the context of sexual activity, is something they talk about.
They can also help with changing the behaviour, if that is what you want to do.
The fear that you are a bad person, and that your therapist will terminate you, are all linked to this shame.

I don't know your therapist and I don't know if what their views are. But a good therapist will be able to manage this.
I've brought all sorts of sexual things to my therapist (my trauma is sexial). And she's managed it all. Only once did she say sex wasn't her area of specialism but she can bring other aspects in to it, like working on shame, working on relational aspects of it, working on triggers with sex, and working on communication with sex.

Do you want to scope the topic with your therapist before disclosing? I. E say that there is something about sex you want to talk about but you're worried how they will respond so can you explore their views and ability to work in that area before you do? You can ask them questions to reassure you.

 

[arfie]

in my recovery from child sex trafficking, i quickly dump therapy supporters, both pro and peer, who need a "tw" to handle the world's most taboo topic. they always put me in mind of jack nicklson's infamous scene from "a few good men."

"TRUTH! ! ! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH."

 

[anonymousflower]

It's great you are sharing.

Does it help to hear that I don't think there is any shame at all about peeing/masturbating? It's not causing anyone any harm. Your message that it is wrong, is the only thing that is causing you upset.

Bringing it to therapy sounds a good thing to do. In my opinion, it's not so much to learn how to change the behaviour (because in my opinion there is nothing wrong with the behaviour), but to work through this shame you have about your behaviour. It's shame that is the issue and shame is something therapists can talk about. And shame in the context of sexual activity, is something they talk about.
They can also help with changing the behaviour, if that is what you want to do.
The fear that you are a bad person, and that your therapist will terminate you, are all linked to this shame.

I don't know your therapist and I don't know if what their views are. But a good therapist will be able to manage this.
I've brought all sorts of sexual things to my therapist (my trauma is sexial). And she's managed it all. Only once did she say sex wasn't her area of specialism but she can bring other aspects in to it, like working on shame, working on relational aspects of it, working on triggers with sex, and working on communication with sex.

Do you want to scope the topic with your therapist before disclosing? I. E say that there is something about sex you want to talk about but you're worried how they will respond so can you explore their views and ability to work in that area before you do? You can ask them questions to reassure you.

Thank you for your reply :)

I kinda didn't expect to hear that at least 1 person doesn't find it shameful haha, and it does help a little to know that!

And yeah there's definitely a ton of shame haha, my therapist even literally asked me why i feel so much shame for so many things so it's not a new topic!!

I do think sex is brought up often in therapy because at the first appointment she asked me about sex (if i had any issues around sex, sexuality, gender etc)
But i think i might try to ask her first if she's be okay with discussing it

 

[anonymousflower]

in my recovery from child sex trafficking, i quickly dump therapy supporters, both pro and peer, who need a "tw" to handle the world's most taboo topic. they always put me in mind of jack nicklson's infamous scene from "a few good men."

"TRUTH! ! ! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH."

Fair enough, i just didn't wanna offend people haha, I'm new here

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

It's not shameful, like many sounds like yhe shame comes from childhood, parents and similar.

You enjoy it, doesn't harm anyone, there's no problems with it. Check and talk with therapist, maybe you work through some things and dont enjoy it, maybe you'll enjoy it more. Not shameful in the slightest.

 

[Sideways]

Mod note:
@anonymousflower - I’ve removed your Tw. No need for them here. Most of our threads contain distressing content. You can read more about that in the Community Constitution

 

[anonymousflower]

Mod note:
@anonymousflower - I’ve removed your Tw. No need for them here. Most of our threads contain distressing content. You can read more about that in the Community Constitution

Okay okay!!! Thank you for linking yhe community constitution haha, i was looking for something like that!

 

[anonymousflower]

I'm on my way to therapy now, I'm gonna try to bring it up, wish me luck haha
Edit: I'm having a nervous breakdown ahh I'm not sure if i can do this....

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Don't know if too late. Try. All you can do.
If you dont feel like it today, try again another time.

 

[anonymousflower]

Don't know if too late. Try. All you can do.
If you dont feel like it today, try again another time.

i ended up telling her (more like showing her the note i wrote about it but yeah haha)
we didn't talk toooo much about it but she was very nice about it and she told me that these kind of things are not shameful and they're pretty normal, so uh that's good ig? It felt very wrong to talk about it, and i could not say words like "sex" or "masturbating" but she did and hearing it was really weird?
But anyway tldr it went well and she told me it was a good choice to talk about it so yeah!!

 

[Movingforward10]

Great that you shared with her and that it went well!

A brilliant start to address this for you and to show you that there are many healthy ways to express your sexuality and this is all ok.