Should I Tell?

[maria]

I've recently started volunteering at a museum. I love doing it especially when we have groups of school children. I do okay with that kind of casual social encounter. My question is about the director of volunteers with whom I have a fair amount of regular contact. I can tell she's noticed there is something wrong with my social interaction with her. There's not much I can do about this. In a conversation, the exchanges are quick, and mine are often 'off.' I'm considering telling her that I have PTSD and that I never learned good social skills as a child because my childhood was so gruesome. Lately I've settled on telling when I can tell people have noticed there's something wrong. I figure that way they have a label to hang my behavior on, and that might be better than having them feeling vaguely uncomfortable and imagining all kinds of things. Of course, that doesn't keep some people from feeling uncomfortable anyway and avoiding me.

I really don't want to lose this position.

What do you think?

maria

 

[Tiger Kitten]

That's a tough question. When I have that problem I generally just tell them I don't have very good social skills, and to please let me know if I do anything that would make the other person feel uncomfortable so that I can work on that particular area of communication. Then I try to judge their reaction to that. If they seem accepting and don't start looking at me like a two headed monster I mention it's because I have PTSD.

 

[maria]

That's a tough question. When I have that problem I generally just tell them I don't have very good social skills, and to please let me know if I do anything that would make the other person feel uncomfortable so that I can work on that particular area of communication. Then I try to judge their reaction to that. If they seem accepting and don't start looking at me like a two headed monster I mention it's because I have PTSD.

Good advice. Thanks

maria

 

[helena]

Hi Maria,

If this person seems approachable then there may be no harm but sometimes I kind of think that any type of personal info should be on a 'need to know' basis for your own protection.

You are relaxed and happy to be with the kids so she really has nothing to say about your skills. A lot of people without conditions are just shy anyway so she may not be thinking anything badly about you.

Nevertheless, if you feel you want to reach out and feel comfortable about discussing it with her, then go for it. She may ask more questions as to how you got the condition etc so just be prepared.

 

[sticks-and-stones]

Hey Maria,

I also think it's a tricky one... but on balance, I prefer people to realise that there's a label to put me under - rather than just weird.
I don't know your backstory... but I'm not comfortable talking about my traumas so the "no, I'm sorry, I don't want to talk about it" usually suffices.

Good luck - I hope it goes well whatever you decide. The main thing is that you are good at what you do, and it sounds like you are good so always keep that in mind! :-)

 

[maria]

Thanks for the support everyone. I do think I need to have a talk with her. I've had the experience of doing a good job and still being let go.

I do think I'm being realistic about her reaction toward me. And I think it's a sign of growth that I can recognize problematic reactions. At other times in my life I would have ignored it and might have had to faced irremediable consequences.

I agree that everybody is weird in some way, but I know that I am weirder than most.

maria