General Shut outs and not feeling loved

[Sighs]

My vet rarely physically isolates for very long and we live together. However, he withdraws emotionally and puts up walls. When he is in this "mood" there is no physical affection, little communication and "I love you" will result in silence rather than a response. This can last a few minutes, several hours or weeks on end.

I've been working very hard on not taking this personally and giving him the space he needs. Now he has turned around and told me HE doesn't feel loved anymore!

How do supporters maintain open loving affectionate attitudes (and communicate that to their sufferers) in the face of apparent rejection?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Rejection sucks... be it emotional, physical, communication... any of it. It seems like it's hard to get the ball rolling after an isolation period. It's hard to be affectionate when somebody wants space. I usually stick my toe in the water with small, unobtrusive acts of kindness and caring until he eventually loosens up. Favorite meals, little gestures... whatever I think would make him smile, even if it's just for a second. 9 times out of 10 it's a big fat reject in the beginning, but I think he eventually sees I'm making an effort and comes around.

The man makes me work for it, that's for sure.

 

[Snowflakes]

Oh my @Sighs , that is the tough one. My biggest internal struggle is to keep from building my own wall to protect my heart. For me, I try to not take it personally and I have fought hard to keep a loving attitude but I'm losing the battle. This saddens me beyond belief. I'll watch your thread here hoping for an answer as you are. Thank you for asking the question and I'm sorry you're hurting.

Take care

Edit: Thanks @Sweetpea76 ...you posted while I was typing :hug:

 

[Sighs]

@Snowflakes - It's like I can feel the bricks going up inside me... :(

 

[Never_falter2]

Like yours mine does not physically isolate but emotionally isolates/detaches sometimes. When he "emotionally comes back" I have to "fake it till I make it" for a while and after a while the feeling of attachment will come back.

You write he said he does not feel loved. Have you discussed it with him, asked him what you can do to make him feel loved or what you both could do to come closer together?

 

[Louski]

Rejection sucks... be it emotional, physical, communication... any of it. It seems like it's hard to...

This comment is ever so helpful, especially as I am currently experiencing a very long shut out. This message gave me a little bit of hope again as I have been trying to continue to act with kindness and offer small gestures where I can despite not having actually seen or speaking to my fiancé for many weeks. Thank you for this x

 

[Louski]

Oh my @Sighs , that is the tough one. My biggest internal struggle is to keep fro...

This is my biggest struggle too. It is such a relief to find others here who are experiencing the same things because at least I know I am not crazy and that actually it is ok to feel this way.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Louski Welcome. You are not alone here. Most of us here in the supporters section share similar stories and experiences. Like you, we do the best we can and come here to learn more. We are glad you are here. Take care.

 

[Louski]

@Louski Welcome. You are not alone here. Most of us here in the supporters sectio...

Thank you so much @Snowflakes. This forum has been a god send the last 3-4 weeks and I am just now ready to start posting and sharing my story in the hope of getting some more insight. It is just such a welcoming place and we are lucky to have it, despite that luck coming from so many people suffering from this terrible thing called PTSD. What a lovely welcome. Thank you x

 

[Deleted member 44240]

This comment is ever so helpful, especially as I am currently experiencing a very long shut out. This me...

OMG! It’s been since November for me. Not physically and emotionally isolated. I’m trying kind gestures and texts that are sweet and simple.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I’m sorry... both physically and emotionally isolated.

OMG! It’s been since November for me. Not physically and emotionally isolated. I’m trying kind gestures and texts that are sweet and simple.

 

[Louski]

OMG! It’s been since November for me. Not physically and emotionally isolated. I’m trying kind gesture...

So it has been since December 24 for me but he is texting me most days. He is isolating physically and he won’t call. I keep doing the same kind gestures. He made a joke/quip today. First one in 6 weeks. Maybe he is coming out the other side but I am not getting my hopes up. He hasn’t isolated completely and he has never once tried to break up with me. He just said a few weeks ago he needed more time. I am trying so hard to be selfless but it is so damn hard eh?! I got a new therapist which is helping. Has yours completely disappeared?