Ok, now we're getting somewhere. This is what I thought was happening, but more that it was most likely still quite daunting to you Anna. This is easy enough to work on, but it takes time. Anger is the first issue you need to deal with, because the panic attacks are an after effect from more major symptomatic areas.
annafennutchi said:
The anger outbursts happen in situations when I feel like I am being taken advantage of, being blamed for something I feel is not my fault, not being listened to, being patronized, or belittled.
You hit the nail on the head and answered this for yourself, as most do. You said,
"anger outbursts happen in situations when I feel",
feel being the magic word. Anger, rage, whatever name you want to give it, is not an emotion, not a feeling, it is an effect of a feeling Anna. You
feel blamed, you
feel like its not your fault, you
feel like your not being listened too, you
feel you are being patronized or belittled.
So, currently you are using anger as your means to get your feelings across. You now have to process this, as anger management is very much mind over matter, think before you speak, type issue. It is something we learn to control, and learn to respond in a more appropriate manner than anger. You need to get on top of this quite quickly to be honest, as anger is something we all fall into too, and it is one of the main contributors we will lose everyone we care for.
Anna, look at the
[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread12.html"]iceberg of emotions[/DLMURL] thread, and you will see that what you specifically feel, is either included, or you simply include, but the result is anger. We tend to release our feelings as anger, instead of release our feelings in words. Why? Because its easier to be angry and ignore the emotions making us angry. Feeling is an emotion, emotions can come out as emotions, or as anger. The decision is yours, and yours alone.
I think you want them to come out in words, or expressive of how something makes you feel, which isn't anger, its emotion. The
[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread63.html"]PTSD cup[/DLMURL][DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread211.html"]young and angry, why so angry[/DLMURL] shows you an easy to identify means on why you result in anger easily, instead of emotional, rational discussion. Have a read of thread, as YA and myself had recent discussions on this already. Read those above, then you tell me what the problem is please, as I already know it, mentioned it here, but you need to know and understand why it is, and how to prevent this. I am looking forward to chatting with you about this Anna... as it was one of my major issues, which I resolved very quickly to help me move on with the other major issues.
annafennutchi said:
When my panic attacks come on, it's like after a nightmare, or when I am alone and have a flashback, smell a related scent, I am startled. Sometimes they come on for no reason that I can conciously think of.
I think this one can wait a little Anna, as you need to work on the more destructive issue of anger first, as that will directly affect the people within your life, where panic attacks are not as intrusive as anger.
annafennutchi said:
Keep in mind that these don't actually have to be the message being sent-it's only how I percieve it. I feel it comming, but somehow I can't stop it. Then after it starts there is no talking me down I have to let it run its corse.
I think when you read the PTSD cup, you will discover that its not something you can directly control, but something you have to learn to control, because the way PTSD is impacting you at present. It naturally gets easier as trauma subsides and is rid through trauma therapy, but until then, other actions cause simply effects. The toilet roll being around the wrong way could send you off on an anger outburst, but its not the toilet roll being around the wrong way at all, its just that one tiny thing was the straw that broke the camels back, and that with other daily little stressors resulted in anger outburst.
annafennutchi said:
These make me feel especially crazy because I see it happening but am unable to stop it.
You can stop it Anna, can't is only in your mind. You can talk yourself out of something before you try, or you can refuse to let it win, and the only word you know is "can" do it.
Good to hear that your going to go seek therapy. Please read about others experience first, and ensure you have someone who knows what they are doing with trauma, not just any old counsellor or doctor.
