Shutting down?dissociation ?

[PTSD spouse]

hello all I am fairly new here and want some further clarity.
my husband who has C-PTSD shuts down when there is trust issues. he says if he cant feel anything then he cant get hurt, is this the same as dissociation? and from what I can tell from my husband it is a super long standing wall he puts up.

 

[Tinyflame]

No , for me they are different things. Shutting down is more collapsing in on myself and includes awareness, and probably fear and giving up and overwhelm. I experience (limited) dissociation however.

 

[Tinyflame]

I just realized @PTSD spouse I didn't read that entirely correctly, within context.

If he's your spouse and you've been trustworthy, such a reaction likely relates back to the past rather than the present (or your past together).

Sometimes I think certain terms should be renamed, because even their connotation can bring (me) doubt or shivers.

Better still, forgetting the word trust, what would 'it' look like to him? Consistency of behaviour/ words? Being honest? Having your back, and vice versa? Confidentiality? , fidelity? , Disclosure?, etc (unique to each of you). Sure things can go ways they have before.. but has the process to get where you are been the same as his past history? Those are things that he has to wrestle with. I wouldn't be afraid to point out you have not been or done otherwise (if you have not). Obviously you are spouses, so I think there has been 'trust' there.

Best wishes to you. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Shutting down to me is going numb. Don’t feel anything. Don’t care one bit.

Dissociation is very different.

 

[Swift]

Hey, OP, and welcome.
I agree with what everyone else said.
English is a stupidly imprecise language, and words are used in many contexts with different meanings, and different degrees of meaning.
(Forgive a slightly wordy rant:)
"Dissociation" in common usage - I dissociated myself from someone professionally, I dissociated myself from my feelings.
Meaning: I stepped back a bit, I pushed it down, I disconnected or attempted to disconnect.
What your husband is doing fits that usage, sure. What it doesn't fit to me is the symptom of dissociation with PTSD.
PTSD or dissociation in psychology is different.
For example, I'm currently recovering from a broken hand, and I'm utterly f*cked if I know what happened to it. I have no memory of breaking it, no awareness of what I was doing at the time, and no clue what happened. (I was stone cold sober, btw.)
I've lost entire days and afternoons and nights. I found $110 in $5 notes stuffed in different pockets of my soundie backpack about a month after when I think I hid them. I remember wanting a happy meal, which are five bucks, so I'm guessing dissociated me went to the bank and decided it wanted to make sure it could buy itself happy meals for a while.
The whole point is, I don't know. I didn't know what I was doing, I don't remember doing it, and I generally do weird stuff.
I've numbed myself and stepped back from my emotions, but I am still aware of who I am, where I am, and what I'm doing. I don't lose time or awareness.
Hope that helps. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.

 

[PTSD spouse]

Thank you @Swift that really helped me learn the difference

 

[Swift]

No worries.
I'm sorry it was a bit full-on.
Dissociation, PTSD dissociation to me, is a really full-on experience.
Perhaps it's a really full-on lack of experience?
Emotional numbing/checking out is too, just differently so.
I can automate and robot-ify myself really well, remember everything and get a lot of shit done when I'm upset. I planned a funeral and a wake, made 29 phonecalls in 2 hours, looked after everyone, until five years later, after my best friend died, because there was shit that needed doing.
The only tears I cried were after I was putting her sax in it's case, after I'd played her fav song on it at her funeral then there were people who needed me.
That might be what your husband is doing.
Numbing it out is often mistaken as a sign that the emotion is so minor, the person decides to deal with it later. It can feel like the person has decided it's less important than whatever they've got going on in their head. It's like clicking "not now" on a software update, or so it seems.
To me, it's kinda the opposite. It's more like, I could be emotional about this, but if I do that, I'm gonna break down completely. I can't even let a little crack happen, because if I do, I'm gonna completely lose it, and there are people that need me to hold it together. My thought process was that it was better to be numb and avoid being emotional for other people's sakes. I thought I was being generous, not selfish.
I didn't know what would happen if I fell apart, and I couldn't guarantee the people I loved would be looked after. I couldn't guarantee I would come out of the emotion alive, even.
If I let myself do even a little bit, my floodgates would burst, and there was no telling what would happen next. I had stuff to do, and I couldn't afford to.
(I use a lot of "i" statements, because I don't want to make assumptions. I don't know what's going on, but I'm trying to help, hopefully by sharing relevant stuff.)
I cared about the people in my life very much. I loved and love them. I thought I was doing the best thing by them.
If your husband is numbing you out, not dealing, not engaging etc, I know this sounds weird, but it's probably a sign that he cares about you very much.
I couldn't bear to let my loved ones know, even at that time. I have unrelated PTSD, and that was after the PTSD stuff happened.
Here for you, mate.

 

[shimmerz]

I don't know. I didn't know what I was doing, I don't remember doing it, and I generally do weird stuff.

I just wanted to add that I dissociate as well but don't lose time. I am what people call co-conscious. I am aware of what I am doing but it feels like someone else (a much younger self) is driving the bus, so to speak. But the thing is that people can see that I have dissociated. I have a different look in my eyes. I may speak with a different tone than is usual for me. I walk differently. So yeah, dissociation can take place even if a person doesn't lose days or forget. But it is kind of apparent (with me) that it is happening.

 

[Swift]

"Co-concious"...
I'll have to research the term!

 

[shimmerz]

This article is a good representation of what is experienced in co consciousness. At least from my perspective.

What is co-consciousness?