Sign Of A Good Therapist?

[EveHarrington]

I don't think that "friend" is a good term to describe a relationship with a therapist. I understand wanting to make a client feel at ease, however I have seen just how wrong this can go. I was a member of another support forum and the psychotherapy section of that site was a big lesson in messed up therapeutic relationships with the members essentially enabling each other through incredibly misguided support for these "friend" type relationships with therapists. Every other week or so, someone would post about how their relationship with their therapist came to an abrupt end and how it was devastating to them (the client) because the therapist encouraged a friend type relationship. Also, those seeking therapy (in general) have weaker boundaries so it doesn't really help a client when a therapist blurs the line between professional relationship and personal relationship by using the term "friend". In the end, you can't pay for a friend.

 

[Friday]

To me that sounds more like coaching, a mentorship, or 12-step sponsor/sponsee paradigm (variations of peer to peer), rather than adhering to a psych or MSW standard ethical practices paradigm (professional to client; an inherently unbalanced & unequal relationship, moreover -like teacher/student- where there is great potential for abuse of a vulnerable population).

IME/IMO both paradigms have a lot of value... In different ways.

As others have said, it makes me nervous that any professional would start off the relationship by deliberately muddying the boundaries between peer & pro.

 

[Queen Boudica]

you've had psychiatrist tell you they'll review your case and "see if you are worth it". What does worth it mean? Sounds really devaluing. Just struck me.

Anyway, yes even with the new description still think the terminology she uses is wrong. For those with attachment issues, using the term friend can give the wrong idea. Personally I think if she has experience she would avoid a term like that and I would have thought that it goes against the rules of counselling to even use the word 'friendship' in that professional role. I think it would be asking for trouble.

Having said that if she is helping you, the most important thing is the therapeutic relationship, BUT, this friend thing could get in the way as she may have to act on things you tell her, that would not appear to you as friend like, and this idea that thinking of her as a friend encourages you to divulge more, just seems to be a bit coercive. For example if you are suicidal she would have to act on that, thinking of her as a friend could really set you up for a lot of traumatic feelings about that. Also as the therapy intensifies and you rely on her, again that thinking of her as a friend I just think would get in the way. She is not your friend, and thinking of it that way I feel is open to all sorts of problems.

I don't know you are in a vulnerable state, that is why she needs to stay professional and using the term friend isn't professional.

 

[Changing4Best]

I see my therapist once a month now, though it used to be more often. She even gave me her home phone # as she knows I would not abuse it, but only use it in an emergency. I have only used it once, and she has called me from home once, when she had an injury and was homebound for awhile. I also have her email address and of course her office phone.

She uses examples from her own life that she sees might give me an idea of how to handle something that has come up in my life.

One year when I was financially strapped, she even forgave a bit of a debt that I had with her! SHe is very flexible with me on things, and will change an appointment time for me if I need. She also recently had to change my appointment time due to something that came up. I was understanding about this, of course.

We both have the same personality type re: Myers-Briggs Type! We get along very well.

However, the line is never crossed into what I would define as friendship traditionally. None the less, I feel like she is a friend and I feel very comfortable in her presence.

 

[Kailani]

Doesn't sound professional to me. There's a reason those professional boundaries stay in place, so people don't get hurt. They are all in professional treatment like a doctor, a nurse, a physical therapist, a radiologist, there should be no talk of friends, it's a professional treatment situation. If she wants to stay in touch to get updates or to find out if you need more sessions that is minimally okay. If you have her card why would you need to other than one phone call. She is getting paid for a service; you don't need to pay for her friendship, you are paying for her professionally trained advice and guidance and perspective. I'd run for the hills; starting off unprofessional is bad and who needs that? Just an opinion.

 

[ladee]

This has been my experience of a T that went over the line. When I first got sober, all my PTSD symptoms were running rampant and I so wanted to stay clean and sober. So I started seeing her.. she did behavioral therapy which was in line , in a way, of my 12 work. I knew I would not go to her indefinitely, as I needed to get to some core issues. But she did teach me a lot of social skills and to have a little faith in myself.
I remember getting to a point where I felt like I had learned as much as I could from her. And in conversation one day, she said she did not believe in God. Today I could handle that with no problem. Back then, when a Higher Power was what I was holding on to , her statement left me feeling stupid... like I had been doing all this work, and confiding in her and talking about God, and then she says this !!! So many things ran thru my head at the time.... And even as unconscious as I was to the world around me, I understood she crossed a boundary by telling me that,especially because it was unsolicited and so completely went against what I believe. In essence, I really didn't know or care what she believed.. for the first time in my life I was feeling safe.... and then I didn't. I had friends, I needed someone who was objective and who I could have that safe distance with..I wanted to leave that office, work on the things she suggested and not give a damn about what she thought or believed in.
Keeping in mind that I was still very fragile and was trying to make my way in the world un self medicated....I don't know if I am making myself clear. All I can say is, her confiding something so personal blew my trust out the window... might have to write about this so I can become more clear. I abruptly ended our sessions and went on my way to find someone else....
My first meeting with the new T was me being defensive, telling the T that I was not interested in anything personal about them, blah blah blah... of course I came off as telling the T how to do her job, combative and unsteady. which I was !!!

So after this long post, what I am trying to say is.... I do not want my T to be my friend. I have friends. I want someone with the skill and knowledge to help me learn how to navigate my life... deal with my issues... to not be that invested in the outcome. It makes me more accountable. But that is me... Haven't thought about this in years... I may have to start a thread and work it out and get some feedback.. something for me to think about.. Thanks for letting me share my own experiences..

 

[Deleted member 29920]

T Just sounds like a narcissist to me, sorry.