Situations That Throw You Into Suicidal Panic Mode?

[MT Johnny]

I'm in a very triggering situation right now, and all I can keep thinking is "flee" and "oh God, this just makes me wanna go off myself."

It's just very challenging to be put into these situations that cause this kind of shaky panic mode - and hard to work through the feelings and realize it's short term pain.

 

[StellaBlue]

It's just very challenging to be put into these situations that cause this kind of shaky panic mode - and hard to work through the feelings and realize it's short term pain.

It is very challenging - and I think you've got the hardest part down by recognizing that it's short term pain and you need to work through the feelings - and maybe "work" isn't quite right - maybe just let the feelings happen. Suicidal ideation is my "go to" place when I'm feeling overwhelmed or helpless or hopeless. I have found that if I can take the story away from the feelings and let the feelings just run their course, it does help - not easy to do, but, with practice, I am getting better at it. I have read that strong feelings last about 90 seconds if there is no story attached to them - I'm not sure that's true - but I do know that adding the story to them pulls me into different rabbit holes and makes the distress last longer.

I want to add, that, if I remember correctly, I have a similar story to yours regarding the mental health care 'system' and unjustified/unnecessary incarceration (I refuse to call it hospitalization)...and I think you are doing a really good job untangling all of that.

 

[seedling]

When I have such strong feelings like that now I remind myself that I must be facing some really difficult stuff to be having such a strong reaction. That internally I'm just trying to protect myself from what feels so overwhelming and overbearing. It gives me a sense of compassion for myself.

Hang in there.

 

[NarcSis]

I get those odd reactions to the simplest things like disagreements or being told off now. They're pretty hard to weather, I have yet to call a crisis line but I've come pretty close to it on a few occasions. I usually remind myself that the feelings will pass, that it's just a depression spike or a PTSD-induced reaction and it will eventually wither out and go away. If I'm feeling particularly irrational and afraid that I may spontaneously hurt myself, I will go "limp". I will just lay on the bed or the couch and will myself not to move and let the hurt and anger pour out of me - scream/cry/beat the pillows.

It does eventually wither out, you just have to ride the wave of emotions until it does. Hugs to you.

 

[Ahhlia]

Thanks all for the reminder that the suicidal feelings are just short term. I been having an increase of those in the past months. I too have not reached the crisis line phone call,though my psychologist did recently pass me the number just in case.

One of the things that keeps me from doing it, besides my adult son, my bird and my mate, is that I don't want to end up the same place as my late husband. If Beetljuise was right and suicides end up in the same place then I don't want to end up in that same space as abusive alcoholic.