So Depressed I Can't Get Out Of Bed.

[Deleted member 18673]

Oh yeah, don't bully or hate the bit of you which is keeping you 'down' it takes loads of energy and just makes things slower and less effective. Try to make friends with it, come to mutual agreed terms, it's there for a reason. I'll shut up now! X

Springer, thanks so much for everything you said; I do try to push myself so hard and live up to other people's expectations of how fast I'm going to get better. I like the idea of seeing it as physio.

 

[Springer80]

I like the idea of seeing it as physio.

That's good and it's quite a handy way of explaining it to people who care about you (as opposed to justifying yourself to those who don't, again don't bother with them, waste of your time and currently limited energy).

This might help if you like he physio idea.....

I went to a trauma specialist last year (I have ptsd for 15yrs and developed a depersonalization disorder due to lack of appropriate/timely treatment)...anyway, we did this thing called senosri-motor body psycho-therapy (it sounds fancy but it isn't!).

Basically the pain (physical/mental whatever) you feel (I used to use words like blocked, severed, heavy) etc etc...I couldn't talk about the feelings and I couldn't remove the pain so I was at a stale mate.
So I was taught to describe the pain and it's location on me and it's relation to me as a physical object/picture (I studied design and like architecture so I tended to describe hings in those terms,

Me... it's angular and dark blue, cold, solid, made out of stone but wax. It's heavy, it rests on the top of my neck and makes me feel lop sided. It's impenetrable, it won't let me look inside.....

Therapist...Why not? Ask it why not? What function is it perfoming by keeping you out? What do you have to barter to find out what's inside.

Me....(in quite a surprised voice) I can find out as long as the shape doesn't collapse.

Therapist.... Okay what is it made of now?

Me... It's transparent, it's made of a frame like retractable tent poles, it can collapse, the light shines though it, one panel is a door....

Therapist...Oh so you can go in? Whose in there?

Me....It's me! only smaller, she's pushing her arms and legs out to hold the shape up, it's no solid. etc etc


Thought i might help make you feel better and sometimes if you can visualize whats going on inside as something you relate to....well it stops you banging your head against the wall and suddenly you have his tool to progress with. :)

 

[Deleted member 18673]

Well, today I got up at 7:30 and stayed up till 9 before going back to bed, which is a bit of an accomplishment. Hopefully I can keep doing that and slowly stay up for longer.

 

[xena21]

Good for you! Anything is good and particularly if you feel it's different for you. Don't worry about tomorrow. That will take care of itself.

 

[Deleted member 18673]

I managed to stay up for most of the day today and even got some errands and some art done! Hope to do the same tomorrow...

 

[Deleted member 18673]

Ugggh, didn't get up today until 1:30 pm, and I feel depressed as hell. I've got to just try small babysteps I guess, like maybe making a rule that I get up no later than noon, and then slowly work my way back. And I've got to find a way to still do things with my day, no matter how depressed I am. I don't know how to do that yet but I'll keep trying.

 

[Deleted member 18673]

I didn't get out of bed today till 4pm. I feel so pathetic. I just can't see any reason to get up since I don't want to live and it takes me hours and hours to haul myself out of bed and face the day. I'm going to see if I can get my doc to adjust my antidepressants and see if that helps at all. I just feel so ashamed.

 

[maddog]

I know it can seem impossible not to feel shame for all of this Conquer, it would be hypocritical of me to say anything else. But try to tell yourself that feeling ashamed of this illness is just a symptom of it, and it's one you can beat, and you will. Talking to your doctor about a med change is a really good and positive idea.

Hang in there mate, sometimes just hanging in and holding on are enough, no matter what anyone else tells you.

MD

 

[Pietro]

In the last three years, I finally learned, first-hand, how and why a person could feel that suicide was a viable option. I fought through this, and I'm doing better now. All I can say is that I decided I wasn't going to let the bastard (my negative persona) win.

So what if you stay in bed all day, right now? Who's judging you? Only *you* -- it's what we do; we're our own worst enemies, because we've been well-trained to be so. Springer80 is right -- the first you thing you must do is ease-up on yourself. It is 100% natural to want to retreat, sleep, etc. when feeling like this. And it's 100% natural to feel like this when you've been traumatized.

I don't know if you have a therapist you're seeing, but this is very important as well. It's the key to ensuring that you can *eventually* avoid sleeping all day. ;) But that doesn't have to start today, or not even next week (and, I know, you need money, of course). Nothing is more important than you getting through the problems that are making you feel this way -- nothing is more important than taking care of yourself and nurturing yourself, right now.

There are no quick cures or magic techniques to help you feel better. Much to my own chagrin, the only path to improvement is time, and learning skills for resolving trauma. For those who have no compassion for this, to hell with them -- feeling this is a first, big step towards reclaiming your identity, which will start helping to lessen the pain. And I think on a forum like this, you'll likely find many who can sympathize with your pain. :)

 

[Deleted member 18673]

Thanks, maddog and Pietro. I got up before my alarm even went off today, so I guess I have good days and bad days. I'm applying for jobs because yes, I definitely need the money, and I hope it gives me something to get out of bed for and forces me to be out in the world. I'm scared that I'll be too depressed to go to work... but I've got to give it a try.

 

[nursenurse]

How I wish I could just wrap my arms around each and every person I have met through these forums, hold you all tight, and give you the encouragement that you need, make everyone realize what valuable, lovable human beings you are, even when you feel you are not.

Dear Conquer, I cannot tell you enough that there is nothing to be ashamed of in the course of what is going on with you. Our society has swept any kind of mood disorder under the carpets, and if we don't talk about it, we don't banish the shame, then we will lose all hope and joy in the lives we know we can lead, that we deserve by the very virtue of our humanity. You are a worthy human being. You just are.

I would review the medication with your doctor. Find that therapist, you are worthy of everything good and positive in life. That person along with the right medication can help bring about the balance that you need. It will take time. Be kind to yourself in the meantime. There is lots of support in these forums for you. You will find your way.

 

[Pietro]

@Conquer, Fantastic! Yes, you'll have both good and bad days, back and forth. It's maddening, but it's normal. And, there's some belief that this, itself, is part of the healing process -- cycling back and forth between good and bad, where, over time, the "bad" becomes less intense and frequent as you process things.

As far as work, I agree, you've got to give it a try. I chuckled to myself, sarcastically, when I read this, because it struck a nerve with me -- many mornings, I don't even want to get out of bed. But, I somehow find the will to do so. And, yes, it does provide a reason to get out, some routine, and, also, some social connection, which is very important.