So Depressed I Can't Get Out Of Bed.

[EvenStrongerNow]

Hi there, I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. I am going through the same exact thing as you right this very moment.

I wanted to let you know that you're not alone in it and to tell you that sharing your feelings has given me a glimmer of hope. So thank you SO much for sharing. I thought I was alone in my misery until I read your post.

I hate that we have to stop being afraid to feel to get some relief because not feeling them was a coping strategy for so long.

Thanks to the others who reminded me that the one thing that brings light is simply embracing the depression and going easy on one self. It just gets frustrating accepting something that constantly recurs.

 

[Pietro]

@ StrongerNow, I want to corroborate two things you said.

First, about feelings. Only very recently, I had a "feeling memory" return, associated with the visual portion that I've remembered for almost 40 years. This happened to be a very good, wonderful feeling. It was like the scene in "The Wizard of Oz" where it goes from black and white to color. The message I got was that, as a kid, for some reason, I had to bury all of my feelings -- *especially* the good ones. Not sure why, yet. But, it seems that they can come back. I have a long way to go -- a looooong way -- but that episode was enough to give me hope.

Second, about embracing the depression: I think I just learned that this weekend. I've had a wonderful weekend doing absolutely nothing, and not feeling guilty about it. Might be a first for me. But it has now translated into some form of peace, which I'm hoping is permanent. :)

You're not alone, by any means. I've been through hell and back, multiple times, and know exactly how you feel.

 

[Deleted member 18673]

I talked to my doctor about how bad my depression is getting and she switched me from Celexa to Cymbalta; said it works on a different neurotransmitter. I don't know how long it will take for the Cymbalta to start taking effect, but I hope that it works better. I also got my testosterone levels checked because apparently that can affect mood, energy levels, etc, and I'll hopefully get the results back soon. I got a job, and hopefully having to get up at a certain time every day and having to get out of the house and have human interaction will help, although it might raise my anxiety levels a lot so... I dunno. But once I have my work schedule then I'll get a therapist and schedule them in around that. We'll see how I do.

 

[Kaii]

I completely understand what you are going through. I have been spiraling for two years now. I find it difficult to find a reason to even get up in the morning/afternoon/evening. I lie in bed a lot. If I'm lucky, I'll drag myself downstairs and lay on the couch like a slug. Netflix and the television are my constant companions.

I feel hopeless. Somedays I feel like I can't go on any longer but I keep trying.

I have these little affirmations written where I can see them from my bed. One is "What do I want this day to be about?"

 

[xena21]

I think it's great you even went out to get a job. Just that amount of work alone shows something, and whether you stay there or not it's an accomplishment. Baby steps I say. At least for me anyway. I can't fathom working right now...though I look for jobs all the time. I think it's great that you are trying.

 

[OutofTouch]

I'm back to major morning anxiety that keeps me in bed till late afternoon. Anxiety/depression. I had realized before that I should quit beating myself up for being this way which alleviated some stress. I had a good spell from last September till about March this year but it came back.

I had accepted that I will not be returning to the workforce and was preparing for whatever alternative lifestyle lay ahead for me. But then a friend offered me a job to which I applied for. And now I'm also stressed because I can't see how I am going to accomplish this.

I know I can't continue like this despite refusing to take medication again, but what else can I do? So many people say it takes time to get the right meds but what does this do to your brain in the long run. I went on prozac last year and ended up having major clenching anxiety for 2 months straight until I quit the prozac. Tried Effexor before but that just made me feel exhausted all the time.

When I get out of the anxiety/depression, I manage to focus on fitness but I now "prevent" myself from starting anything that takes a commitment because I know my anxiety/depression will come back and put an end to anything I've committed to.

Is it possible to live without meds? To ride the ups and downs without totally destroying yourself?

I cope for now and enjoy when I'm up but I question whether I can continue this into old age, as I have no social life which pretty well dulls the ups.

 

[Tyrone]

@conquer

I too sleep find it extremely difficult to get out of bed as I consider it my "safe place!" I prefer to sleep as much as possible because when I'm not asleep my life is miserable! I have extreme racing thoughts of every and anything imaginable which are usually 99% morbid, negative, scary and cause me extreme anxiety in addition to my severe depression, PTSD and chronic pain (as result of being an Airborne Paratrooper...)! I often tell myself, "what's the sense of living when living like this is like being tortured everyday!" I really don't want to die because I have so many loved ones (grandchildren, children, aunt, ex-spouse, real friends (honorary brothers and sisters), etc. that will be seriously affected by my death (suicide) but I've been battling this for approximately 16 years since retiring from the Army and I'm just about at the end of how much more I can take of just existing and feeling terrible! I've taken damn near every medication and cocktail that can be prescribed and I still feel like a "zombie" every day of my life "25/8/366"!!! I'm not selfish, weak, a coward, etc. but I am "sick-n-tired" of being "sick-n-tired" of "just existing because this is "not living!" I remember living and every time I do, I break in to tears and want to "end it!" I'm damned if I don't and others will be damned if I do! I can't sleep at night and try without much success to do so during the day! I just want to sleep as much as I can to avoid the "zombie" state of life I'm living! I really don't want to join the "22 Veterans commit suicide every day" statistic but "I feel like I have no more fight in me, I've carried the load as long as I can, I've run out of gas, the straw that will break my back is now touching my back and I just want to "be at peace!" No more severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, chronic pain and PTSD! Only eternal sleep and peace of mind! I'd very much like to try at least "one more attempt to help myself" and that is "medical marijuana!" Have you considered this approach?