So Many Things Wrong And Not Worth The Effort

[Rumors]

I have so many things going on right now and it just seems like one after another. Whether it be old memories causing me distress, messed up family, turbulent marriage... It all just seems to be churning around and I can't seem to get my feet underneath me to get a grip. This week I had some scary stuff go on and just couldn't go in to therapy bc I am just so ashamed that I can't get a freaking grip. Then, I think I am really just not worth the effort anyway. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me that I am worth the effort. I feel like I am not. There are so many things I have done that just make me defective. I really feel like a waste of energy. It just seems never ending. There is always something. I don't know why this t doesn't kick me to the curb. <<sigh>>
How do you rid yourself of the shame that makes me feel like I am a burden to deal with? And, even worse the feeling like I should bail before my therapist does? God I wish I didn't feel this way. There was a time where I didn't share anything with anyone and now that I have in therapy I feel this need to protect and not burden her and I fully expect she will tell me to leave..... !*#^

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh wow, this is so 'me', too. :wideeyed: :(

I'm sorry @Rumors . Not helpful but :hug: ,xox.

 

[expectingbetter]

Me too!
I also have one of the hardest periods last 10 days and I am even more in a need of my therapist and I feel so much like nuisance, like she is fed up with me. But I can't help myself, she is the only person I see in person with whom I can speak freely. I need her so badly and when I contact her out of the sessions that means that my fear and distress is much bigger than the guilt I feel towards bothering her.

I can't help you, yes we pay them but still I feel like I should have recovered long time ago and like I don't have any more right to be helped. Just feeling guilty. I am also afraid she could dump me.

 

[Tinyflame]

I feel I should be dropped or leave.

 

[Rumors]

Aren't we a group? Good thing we don't live close to each other or we would all be on the bridge ready to jump...lol.
Hang in there to all. It just sucks.... I just kind of feel like I could do this better or faster. Ugh....

 

[expectingbetter]

I just kind of feel like I could do this better or faster.

Exactly how I feel!

 

[Gs172003]

Is there a time limit on healing?

 

[Rumors]

Is there a time limit on healing?

You sound like my therapist....no there isn't. I just have the thought that certain things shouldn't bother me anymore. I remember them, they sucked, now move on...

 

[Gs172003]

You sound like my therapist....no there isn't. I just have the thought that certain things shouldn't bot...

I'm sorry. I wish I had answers for you.

 

[Rumors]

I'm sorry. I wish I had answers for you.

Me too!

 

[shimmerz]

Just a suggestion. This has nothing to do with your therapist. You know that though.

Shame/failure is like a cancer. And it is embedded so strongly so long before either should even be on our psyche radar, you know?

You don't happen to work with EFT at all do you Rumors? It sounds like you have more than enough material to make your head race from one hot topic to another. I find EFT helps me a ton when in that mode.

 

[Rumors]

I don't do eft and am not sure what it even is but I will look it up. It is so very true that shame /failure have been an ever revolving theme in everything I do my whole existence. It is incorporated in to everything I do. I hate feeling this way.