So many triggers this time of year

[InsertCoinsHere]

I feel there’s no escape this time of year, 24/7 emotional flashback. Abandonment depression is hitting hard and I’m beginning to flag.

Last night I couldn’t move my body, talk or open my eyes, I was conscious but unable to respond to my partner. I felt very small like a child, I’m not even sure it was ‘me’ but it equally was, It’s all so confusing.

‘Repressed memories’ returned... some felt true and some feel untrue, I don’t know what to make of them other than I was profoundly abandoned as a child and I always have been cold shouldered as the ‘lost child’.

I don’t have a therapist at the moment as my past one became rather controlling and shaming. I’ve been disappointed by my friends lack of support, very little contact to my messages... maybe I don’t matter all that much to them or I frightened them off by sharing my story.

I guess all this will pass like it always does, it’s just a difficult time of year, I think Christmas always has been even as a child.

Maybe others can relate, it would make me feel less alone or so worthless.

 

[Sideways]

I can relate. This is the worst time of year for me. Triggers, unbearable heat, then a series of trauma anniversaries dotted between difficult family events that I'm trying to avoid.

I didn't get through so well last year. This year I've booked into hospital for the worst of it at the end of December, for safety's sake.

In the meantime, I know I need to direct more energy at stuff that helps me ground, get rid of excess stress, distract, etc. But honestly the energy is sucked out of me just getting out of bed.

The one good thing is that it passes. I can rely on that. Time will keep moving, and eventually it will be past.

 

[Ronin]

I relate to your stress, even though these are precisely areas I'm just avoiding / march through the stupid weather until it's done with about.

In, kid me? One thing. But kid me was also incredibly resilient, self sufficient, not buying bs stories even if terrified of people with authority who spread them, having numerous other kids' back down to I'll kill your abusive daddy because THAT is evil pansy and no.one. f*cks with my friends, their family included / homies they are not your family. I am. ... and other things I'm still proud as f*ck for.

Not powerless as a child.
That kid had power....
And grown up to have this much better idea to use it, too.

Just surrounded by people not having your back don't mean you stop being there for you.