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General So what the heck am I doing in the supporters section you may ask?
- Post starter Fadeaway
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blackemerald1
VIP Member
Oh wow!! Hold onto your hat.. I see strong winds in your area lol!!
Structure, routine and don't sweat the small stuff? Idk... my teens were good, bad, loving, hateful and then they grew up. It is a crazy time of life and they didn't have severe trauma etc., under their belts.
I send you luck,
Sleep well.
:hug:
Structure, routine and don't sweat the small stuff? Idk... my teens were good, bad, loving, hateful and then they grew up. It is a crazy time of life and they didn't have severe trauma etc., under their belts.
I send you luck,
Sleep well.
:hug:
If you can. I would suggest WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) to him. Or to you. I have a ton of parents come in and take WRAP for their children.
There may be more besides WRAP out there but look for a strength based recovery style set of trainings that will help to focus his mind on wellness - not illness.
WRAP will show him that he can provide positive structures around himself. This type of program will train him to look at what is helpful to him and his symptoms and build an environment around him that will have him looking to activities that will ease his distress. Can't recommend it enough. I wish I had had it around when I was younger.
Never_falter2
Diamond Member
What happened? Sleep well.
Not a teen anymore, but my advice for dealing with teens: you know what I hated most when I was a teen? When people saw me as a stereotypical teen if that makes sense... when they tried to mimic teenage language to show me how cool and down with the people/teens they were... because I totally talked like a normal grown up person and also had no typical teen hobbies.
My advice for dealing with a teen/a frenchman/an archbishop/a college professor of old Greek philology or whomever would be: just be yourself and do not care what the typical teen/Frenchman/archbishop/professor of Ancient Greek philology is like because this one might be different. Just be a person and meet them as a person.
(Say I as a person who has asked here for advice on “a vet“ a gazillion of times. Ironic, eh?)
Not a teen anymore, but my advice for dealing with teens: you know what I hated most when I was a teen? When people saw me as a stereotypical teen if that makes sense... when they tried to mimic teenage language to show me how cool and down with the people/teens they were... because I totally talked like a normal grown up person and also had no typical teen hobbies.
My advice for dealing with a teen/a frenchman/an archbishop/a college professor of old Greek philology or whomever would be: just be yourself and do not care what the typical teen/Frenchman/archbishop/professor of Ancient Greek philology is like because this one might be different. Just be a person and meet them as a person.
(Say I as a person who has asked here for advice on “a vet“ a gazillion of times. Ironic, eh?)
Never_falter2
Diamond Member
Oh, and welcome to the supporters ‘hood (errr... section) of course?
Welcome to the supporters side. I have a 20 -17-15 year old in my home. I have a great relationship with my children. My advice would be, work on having open communication. Let them make their own mistakes ( unless you know the mistakes would have heavy consequences) making mistakes and learning from them is how they grow as a person. Be honest with them, share some of your own life experiences with them. Let him/her see your human.
Help them try new things and hopefully they will find a new interest or hobbies. Listen to them when they talk and hear what they are saying. A counsellor once told me, you have to let your children experience their own life and experiences. Sometimes we think we know how their going to feel about something because we were a teen once. But the truth is, we all have our own feelings and we all see life, situations differently. Let them experience their own. Let them know you will always stand by them and allow them to be who they truly are. Teach them they have a voice and that voice can give them strength. Let them be a teen, Society pushes them to grow up to fast. As we all know your only a child or a teen for a short time and an adult for much much longer. If he/she struggles in school, let them know your there to help and support them. Let them know they have a voice to express their needs.
You have a voice also. You have a right to do what’s best for the teen your supporting, not what best for the school. Most of all validate his/her feelings, you don’t have to understand or agree with them, but they belong to that person. Let them express their feelings, weather it’s anger, sadness, happiness, fear. Just teach them positive coping skills. I’m sure I could go on and on. But then I would be writing a book, lol. Hope some of this helps.
Help them try new things and hopefully they will find a new interest or hobbies. Listen to them when they talk and hear what they are saying. A counsellor once told me, you have to let your children experience their own life and experiences. Sometimes we think we know how their going to feel about something because we were a teen once. But the truth is, we all have our own feelings and we all see life, situations differently. Let them experience their own. Let them know you will always stand by them and allow them to be who they truly are. Teach them they have a voice and that voice can give them strength. Let them be a teen, Society pushes them to grow up to fast. As we all know your only a child or a teen for a short time and an adult for much much longer. If he/she struggles in school, let them know your there to help and support them. Let them know they have a voice to express their needs.
You have a voice also. You have a right to do what’s best for the teen your supporting, not what best for the school. Most of all validate his/her feelings, you don’t have to understand or agree with them, but they belong to that person. Let them express their feelings, weather it’s anger, sadness, happiness, fear. Just teach them positive coping skills. I’m sure I could go on and on. But then I would be writing a book, lol. Hope some of this helps.
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- #7
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
I don't know much about teens with PTSD, but I've raised a few teens in my day. My best advice is to just relax and always be sincere. They can smell when people aren't 100% with them... even if it is for a good reason. Communicate with them and make sure they know you have an open door policy to talk any time. Pretty much treat them how you would want to be treated... they're working hard at growing up, they just want to be treated like an adult (minus the whole buying groceries and paying bills thing). Don't be afraid to lay out reasonable boundaries and expectations. They won't be as good at following them as an adult, and they may intentionally test the limits at times, but kids like to have some structure and routine. It makes them feel stable.
As far as being a PTSD supporter... lots of space, lots of patience. Step back and count to ten. Even if things logically don't make sense to you, they make perfect sense to your sufferer. Don't be afraid to take your own space if you need it. Put your own mask on first, because you can't be much help if you're a wreck too.
As far as being a PTSD supporter... lots of space, lots of patience. Step back and count to ten. Even if things logically don't make sense to you, they make perfect sense to your sufferer. Don't be afraid to take your own space if you need it. Put your own mask on first, because you can't be much help if you're a wreck too.
D
Deleted member 47099
I used to work with teenagers a lot and my best piece of advice would be that they don't "do as you say" but "do as you do".
For example, if you tell them to find and pursue a hobby they like, but you yourself don't make the time to pursue any hobbies you love, then they discount it.
Or if you tell them to take breaks and do self-care, but you yourself don't take breaks and do self-care, then, again, they discount it.
They model their behaviour on what they see you do. If you show them hobbies and self-care are important, they will believe you and model that behaviour because they see it put into action and they see it is safe and normal behaviour.
Also, if you want them to examine some negative/ stoopid behaviour that they do, it's good to start by saying that you "get it" cos your brain makes you do plenty of daft things too, that you know are unhelpful, and how you deal with that.
Good luck!
For example, if you tell them to find and pursue a hobby they like, but you yourself don't make the time to pursue any hobbies you love, then they discount it.
Or if you tell them to take breaks and do self-care, but you yourself don't take breaks and do self-care, then, again, they discount it.
They model their behaviour on what they see you do. If you show them hobbies and self-care are important, they will believe you and model that behaviour because they see it put into action and they see it is safe and normal behaviour.
Also, if you want them to examine some negative/ stoopid behaviour that they do, it's good to start by saying that you "get it" cos your brain makes you do plenty of daft things too, that you know are unhelpful, and how you deal with that.
Good luck!
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- #9
Sideways
VIP Member
I feel like I’m asking a stupid question, but has your teen been diagnosed with PTSD...?
- Post starter
- #10
Yes, she was parentally kidnapped many years ago. I never talked about it here because I couldn't. After to many years of fighting with the system to get off their ass and help, I kinda gave up. Between having can children that have died and children kidnapped... I don't know that's for another thread. I am just amazed to have her back. It has only been a few days.
Yes she has been diagnosed with PTSD. She has been struggling with panic attacks and si all night. She made an attempt in February. Her dad, my abuser and hers too has done so much damage to her. She doesn't think she needs therapy and doesn't want to take her meds. Nights are bad for her.
Yes she has been diagnosed with PTSD. She has been struggling with panic attacks and si all night. She made an attempt in February. Her dad, my abuser and hers too has done so much damage to her. She doesn't think she needs therapy and doesn't want to take her meds. Nights are bad for her.
Wow Fadeaway, that is huge! I am so very sorry that this happened to you two. I can't imagine how this must have been.
Changes my answer a little as I think establishing safe place for her would be a good idea due to what she has been through.
It sounds like she has been gone quite some time. Have you noticed whether she is able to trust you.where she is?
Sending you both warmth and strength.
father of three here. Our 2 rules and 1 guide for discipline worked for us,
Be consistent. be sure you and any other adults that are in the household are all in agreement on how things are going to go and again, be consistent.
Always have their needs met. That means food, clothes and a bed and a shower and the knowledge that they are loved unconditionally. that doesn't necessarily mean access to the internet, video games and cell phones.
It goes without saying that abuse of any kind is a bad thing, but dont forget that taking away a privilege is not abuse, witholding a need is.
my kids all did the typical spin in one place emotional compass exercises that they are all going to experience, but without the trauma history. It was hard enough, I feel for you. Maybe what worked for us won't apply, maybe it will apply even more, I can't possibly know.
I always tried to see the life lessons in all of the responsibilities assigned to my kids, and followed through with the consequences for not meeting them just like we all experience as adults. An example would be the lesson of preparing for the future by doing your laundry and putting it away. If it doesn't get done, you can't wear what you want at the time you want to wear it and if it gets so bad that I have to do it for you, you may get limited to enough clothes to wear today, while I wash the ones you wore yesterday and stock the ones you will need tomorrow.
It has to be more important to you to teach the lesson of preparing for the future or suffering a shortage than it is to have them stop telling you that you are ruining their lives and making them feel ashamed at school for wearing the same clothes twice in four days.
Best of my hopes for you, I wish on you patience and the ability to rise to the greater ideal in the midst of the unending trivial BS headed your way in daily doses
Be consistent. be sure you and any other adults that are in the household are all in agreement on how things are going to go and again, be consistent.
Always have their needs met. That means food, clothes and a bed and a shower and the knowledge that they are loved unconditionally. that doesn't necessarily mean access to the internet, video games and cell phones.
It goes without saying that abuse of any kind is a bad thing, but dont forget that taking away a privilege is not abuse, witholding a need is.
my kids all did the typical spin in one place emotional compass exercises that they are all going to experience, but without the trauma history. It was hard enough, I feel for you. Maybe what worked for us won't apply, maybe it will apply even more, I can't possibly know.
I always tried to see the life lessons in all of the responsibilities assigned to my kids, and followed through with the consequences for not meeting them just like we all experience as adults. An example would be the lesson of preparing for the future by doing your laundry and putting it away. If it doesn't get done, you can't wear what you want at the time you want to wear it and if it gets so bad that I have to do it for you, you may get limited to enough clothes to wear today, while I wash the ones you wore yesterday and stock the ones you will need tomorrow.
It has to be more important to you to teach the lesson of preparing for the future or suffering a shortage than it is to have them stop telling you that you are ruining their lives and making them feel ashamed at school for wearing the same clothes twice in four days.
Best of my hopes for you, I wish on you patience and the ability to rise to the greater ideal in the midst of the unending trivial BS headed your way in daily doses
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