So What?

[Gone_Girl88]

I'm lucky enough to work with a group of people that I don't have to hide things from. Everyone I work with knows what happened to me and have been nothing but supportive and understanding. After finding out I have to face the jerk in court again my anxiety has been on new levels of high. My one co-worker is very in to holistic approaches vs medication for everything. We were talking about acupuncture and how I always wanted to try it because I'm over being hopped up on anxiety meds, etc.

She asked me a very interesting question. Why do I worry about what's going to happen? Why do I let the fear control me?

My answer was that I'm afraid the videos he took (and swore he never shared) could actually be on the Internet. Her response... So what? Why should you be afraid? If someone sees it, YOU aren't the one who recorded yourself. HE did. So what? You have nothing to be ashamed of.

I had a family member tell me that 'I just had to get over it'. That hurts. They seem me as a strong invincible person and I've learned that I'm not. Having your privacy and sense of safety ripped out from under you like a rug is not something you can just 'get over'. I sort of see trying to tell myself 'so what' possibly working. It wasn't my fault, I didn't ask for it, I shouldn't be ashamed. But I am....

Anyone ever try to convince themselves to just say so what and be ok?

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dilemma, but ultimately you have to do what's comfortable for u regardless of n e ones input or advise, ive had acupuncture nd every treatment going but stuck with the one I was comfortable with . Sorry to ask but is your diagnosis PTSD?

 

[Gone_Girl88]

I haven't been given a PTSD diagnosis yet. I have bad anxiety to begin with. I lost my mom almost 7 months ago and exactly 1 month after that my sister's bf was caught videotaping me in the shower. He came back a week after that and wound up getting arrested. Cops took my house key off of him along with rope and a blindfold. I've buried it for several months, but now I have to see him again in court. I do feel like I should be able to say so what or who cares because it wasn't my fault at all. I have dreams about him being in our house and him refusing to leave. He lived with us for 3 years. It seems so easy to let go of, but so hard at the same time if that makes any sense

 

[Friday]

Generally when I honestly don't care about something it's because I've had a lot worse.

Sometimes that's healthy, sometimes not.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

If you have PTSD, then by definition you CAN NOT just say "so what?" and get over it. And if you can, then its safe to say that you don't have PTSD because PTSD involves being stuck in the past in some shape or form, and that's sort of the opposite.

The co-worker? Ignore her b/c she doesn't know what its like and until she is filmed in the shower without her knowledge, she will NEVER know how violating that feels. Its pretty damn easy to be on the outside and say "so what?" and question why it bothers you. Sometimes people think they are being helpful but all they do is open their mouths and prove their ignorance. The sad thing is that they think they're right!

 

[joeylittle]

I think it was @FridayJones who wrote this somewhere - an old therapist of mine used to do it as well. It's not identical to "so what" but it really does help diffuse some issues.

Ask yourself, "and then what?"

I have anxiety about finding myself online. Let's say I did.
And then what?
Then, I would figure out how to get it taken down.
And then what?
Worry I didn't get it all.
And then what?
Hire someone way more technological to help/do.

Often, the chain of events can lead somewhere extreme, like losing a job. But even then, there's a thing that will follow it, if that makes sense. We always can find a choice, so long as we are not literally prisoner. Even then, there can be a choice to accept.

 

[Gone_Girl88]

Ask yourself, "and then what?"...Often, the chain of events can lead somewhere extreme, like losing a job. But even then, there's a thing that will follow it...

I try to think that way but it always seems to escalate the more I do.... I guess I blame my wild imagination!

 

[Neverthesame]

From what I read here it sounds to me like your co-worker is less trying to tell you what to feel, but what she would feel if it should ever happen that she stumble upon that video. To which I mean, she would not see you afterwards as an object of disgust or shame. But as someone who they care about had something violating happen to them, that they would like to lend strength to. That's what I would have done anyway.
I am just glad they caught him. I wish you strength and luck with having to face him in court. I also hope you find some peace and calm when it is over.