Social media anxiety

[PreciousChild]

I wanted to see if anyone could relate and help me better cope. I get anxious about posting on social media. I don't post often, but I sometimes feel the need/desire to share, but if I do post, I am immediately seized with anxiety and self-consciousness. I feel exposed and I worry about how many likes it's going to get (I never get many in part because I am not active and therefore do not interact a whole lot). I think the distortion is that I feel that my self-worth is on the line.

I know people who get lots of likes on social media, but who has fewer social interactions than I do in real life. I think social media has its own dynamics that I've never been good at. I can't just walk away from it because family and friends who I want to keep in touch with are on there.

I get a similar anxiety posting on here, but anonymity helps me to let go.

 

[Autumn Breeze]

I would also be very interested in this topic. I’ve taken everything off my Facebook. I haven’t closed it, just in case I need to look at someone else’s post. But I don’t want my family posting things About me or tagging me. I guess they could be doing that anyway for all I know. I don’t want my ex-husband to see anything or past friends to share things with him. There are so many inter-connections, you’re trusting an off a lot of people who may not really care about you and who may share things with those you are not “friends“ with. Once it’s out there, it’s out there. Anyone can copy anything and send it to anyone else. There really isn’t a way to block it, especially in a small town. I have an obscure Twitter account no one knows about, and I have a similar Instagram that I have never posted anything to.

My thought is that some of us may have actual situations that are on going with real people. Others may just be uncomfortable but not be in any actual danger of being harmed or abused by others.

 

[somerandomguy]

Sorry if this is a weird response, but have you considered just not posting to social media?

I basically stopped using Facebook for a year. I left my account up in case someone needed to contact me, but I didn't post and I didn't look at it. That was a fantastic, caring decision for where I was at that time and I am sure it helped my healing a lot. Up to that point I was getting triggered almost every time I'd go on Facebook.

If you don't feel like it's an integral part of your support, you don't have to use it. You can always go back to it later on if you feel better, which is what I ended up doing.

 

[PreciousChild]

Thanks for your response, @Autumn Breeze. I can relate to the discomfort you're expressing about having stuff about you revealed and discussed. I think I differ in how I understand that discomfort. For me, I think it's a psychological reaction to being "exposed" and the insecurity about being judged and rejected. I think that's such a big issue for us c-ptsd folks because the trauma comes from fear of abandonment and therefore the possibility of death. It's triggering for me waiting on those likes and not getting many of them.

@somerandomguy , that's my general approach. Most people tell me that I have next to nothing on my facebook page. But I want to be able to put up a picture here and there for distant relatives, long-lost friends, etc. who can get an update once in a few years or so. It can even begin a nice conversation on messenger. It would be helpful for me to also have some advice about how I can still post and manage my feelings thereafter.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I am also afraid to post. A lot of friends from a different site that closed are on facebook, have way different political views than I do and post all sorts of stuff about it. I go there for a few groups, ignore the attacks on my beliefs but I'm afraid that every time I post I'll have to explain myself to someone. I know I don't. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable there.

 

[Friday]

waiting on those likes and not getting many of them.

Have you ever considered trolling/griefing?

There are a zillion different ways to go about it, but a lot of those ways are simply an online version of the stage most kids/teens pass through where they’re both deliberately & unconscious provoking others, rebelling against what they’ve been told, as they learn who they are / what they believe/ & gain the self confidence to lay it out there. It’s confrontational, and obnoxious, fortunately something most kids grow out of fairly quickly... AND a really vital part of childhood development (independence, thinking for themselves instead of regurgitating what they’ve been taught, defining their own boundaries & sense of self).

That stage evolves in a thousand different ways, across 3 or 4 different times in childhood, as people block out their own identity independent of other’s approval... although the coup de gras is in most people’s teens... so if that’s something you struggle with, a little bit of teenage rebellion might go a really long way.

 

[Sideways]

It would be helpful for me to also have some advice about how I can still post and manage my feelings thereafter.

How do you manage it here on this forum?

Maybe the same strategies you use here could be used on social media?

 

[PreciousChild]

Have you ever considered trolling/griefing?

Hi @Friday, could you elaborate how this could help? Wouldn't I be bringing negative attention to myself which is my fear?

How do you manage it here on this forum?

@Sideways, I think I can be pretty nutty when I post here since I'm often triggered. I actually cringe at a lot of things I post here. But there are several factors that make me feel safe enough to continue post: 1. anonymity allows me to "expose" my inner feelings and craziness without truly being exposed since no one knows my identity, 2. others have ptsd like me on here, so I'm sure to get a more sympathetic audience. Combined, this forum emboldens me to let my stuff hang out and when I do, I see that it wasn't so bad after all.

On facebook, if I'm exposed for my unpopularity and weirdness, then I wear that stain and no one else, and all of my friends, bf, and family can see that.

@DharmaGirl, I have no problems ignoring posts. That actually contributes to my unpopularity, I think - I don't go on often and when I do, I find it dizzying and overwhelming all of people's updates, so I ignore most of it. That's another thing. I think to myself, 'how can I expect others to like my posts when I rarely like others'?

 

[Sideways]

if I'm exposed for my unpopularity and weirdness,

This sounds like it's close to the core of the issue?

So, you'd like to be genuine on FB, and you need the "likes" to confirm you're acceptable, and not unpopular/weird/unlikeable etc?

That's a great big load of shame you're carrying around, yeah? And somehow, getting "likes" is going to prove you're acceptable to others.

That's asking an awful lot of the Like function. Is that how you use the Like function with other posts? Just asking - because my guess is that Like can mean a lot of different things, but whether the person is acceptable/unacceptable generally not being one of them?

If the reality is you're using FB to keep a profile for distant relatives and connections with long lost friends, then the likes you do get could be a long time coming. So, a post not be Liked as soon as you post it, but it doesn't mean the recipient that you intend that post for won't Like it (or accept you) when they get to it.

I relate a lot to being sensitive to people not accepting me. I couldn't find a way to be genuine on FB, and the exposure to people that I don't want to find me was too much of a threat, so I've largely abandoned social media.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

I had the same problem for years. I would panic that my posts didn't get likes, that meant people didn't like me, or I wasn't as cool with my friend with 100 more likes, or it was because I was fat or ugly or something was wrong with me. I think it took me actually loving myself to realize it's all BS (which is a hard road to climb to get to, especially with C-PTSD). People love me and I love them and most of the people I love aren't even on social media. And just because someone likes a post doesn't mean they don't think I'm weird or annoying or whatever lol.

This is probably REALLY bad advice but....here it is. I just started posting whatever the hell I wanted. I posted whatever made me happy. I posted art I made. I posted rants about mental health. I posted things I thought were funny. I'd post like three times a week on instagram, sometimes more, I don't really use facebook. My older family members didn't see my stuff like grandparents and all so I had some freedom. I stopped caring. I stopped caring if people knew what I was doing, because honestly other than my family and my immediate friends, I didn't care what people were doing either. I was so sick of seeing picture after picture of posed people "doing something" that gave them status or proved they had a social life. It's the proverbial white picket fence and mowed lawn. Liking someone's picture and commenting on it doesn't mean I like them, or love them, and it doesn't mean I have a connection with them either.

The people who get the most likes play by the rules. The "rules" are that you comment under people's pictures all the time, they'd do the same, and the algorithm would boost their posts. Also, most of the people who commented under other people's posts didn't even know them, weren't actually friends, and sometimes would tell me how much they didn't like those people (but they still commented!!). It bored me, so instead I followed artists that were making cool things and writers and all that jazz. If people think you're weird and don't wanna be around you, then they aren't your people. I had people make fun of me for my art (in person!! lol), but you know what? I just realized they weren't my people, didn't get me and I removed them from my accounts myself. I deleted some of my original accounts for a break and that was nice, and my current ones, one is professional and one is a private account to keep in touch with my family and friends in other countries. Most other people unfollowed my personal bc I probably annoyed them by not playing by the rules.

Everyone I know has anxiety about posting on social media because of the unspoken rules about it, you're not alone. It's like any social game.

Would it help to keep in touch with family in another way? check in with them every so often on apps?