Some Of You Must Be Able To Relate..

[Deleted member 29311]

One of the things I noticed, is that I find myself extremely disconnected from reality.

I know I am, because I'll freak out, or react in a negative manner at times, unnecessarily.

For example, someone will do or say something and to me it feels like they're trying to start a fight or they're being aggressive, so I'll be extremely defensive and sometimes call them out on what seems to me, to be an attack. They'll look at me with a very confused look on their face, like ''What is wrong with you?''. It's quite embarrassing, and I feel bad later.

I know that my behavior is generally very odd because of my symptoms, and because I'm so ungrounded and far away from reality. I wish I could explain this to everyone I meet and make them understand and see that behind all of it, I love people so much and I care about them, even though it doesn't seem like it a lot of the time. To me anyways, that's how I feel.

My mind is totally blank most of the time. I just feel uncomfortable sensations in my head and body, constantly (as though my mind and body is on a 24 hour fight or flight response.)

Bottom line is I feel like I'm fading away every day, I feel so disconnected from everything and I wish this feeling could go away. Someone once told me that when you feel stuck, maybe what's needed is a drastic change in your environment (living, job, etc.).

Who knows.

 

[Ocean5]

Hey so in past year trying to understand myself. I asked an Ex I trusted about any strange behavior. Told sometimes I would seriously overreacted to things - my emotions didn't match up with what was going on --- left person very worried.....

 

[jbrowning]

One of the things I noticed, is that I find myself extremely disconnected from reality.

I know I am, because I'll freak out, or react in a negative manner at times, unnecessarily.

For example, someone will do or say something and to me it feels like they're trying to start a fight or they're being aggressive, so I'll be extremely defensive and sometimes call them out on what seems to me, to be an attack. They'll look at me with a very confused look on their face, like ''What is wrong with you?''. It's quite embarrassing, and I feel bad later.

I definitely have these same type of feelings that I've been attributing to hypervigilance. My fight or flight response is working on overload 24x7. Actions and behaviors from people are over-analyzed with my threat goggles on. This is way worse at 2am when I wake up furious, angry, and want to start plotting ways to 'get even'. Over time I've learned that hours or days later I'll look back and realize that I've either over-estimated the presumed personal attack or else realize that my planned response was way out of line for the situation. This has helped me cool down and take a less aggressive path forward.

I do a lot of work via email so one of the ways I've found to get through these times is to type up the response that I initially think is appropriate and then sit on it for a few days. Over time I cool down my approach and find a way to better address the issue either within myself or with the other person.

Does this help? If not, at least know that I can definitely relate. Are there any ways you can disengage to give yourself a cooling down period before responding?

 

[jbrowning]

I had one additional thought that's helped me. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this because it's a big struggle area for me.

There are certain people that I know I am going to feel confrontations with. When I know I'm going to have to interact with these people, I spend time thinking about what I want to get out of the interaction and how I have seen them react in the past. It then helps me pre-draw the boundaries for what is acceptable and what is not acceptable from them. I then also set what my responses will be if there is truly unacceptable behavior.

Maybe all I've done is used my hypervigilance to become a hyperplanner? I'll have to think about that one!

 

[Bookoffee]

I came to this forum tonight to figure out how to explain what is going on with me. You hit every point perfectly.

I grew up without any education, racist parents, and would get discipline or mock if I were to talk.

Being with my wife, she has been pointing out that when I express myself or ask questions their are more of a polite way of addressing situations.

Every time she would correct me, I thought she was belittle me and regretting that she married an uneducated person

Tonight I told her how I feel and I found out that she was interested in a lot of different things I do. She said I was a dork and that is what she loves about me.

I need to start to psychical work on switching my negative childhood reactions. When I feel that starting, I need to find a way to shut it out. Maybe when I start feeling the negative thoughts over take my mind, I could just say Dork and remember it is my past doing the thinking, what do you truly feel about the situation and what is the first thing you want to know about what is happening now.

I really hope this work. I am sick and tired of always feeling like I am walking on eggshells.

 

[Deleted member 29311]

I do a lot of work via email so one of the ways I've found to get through these times is to type up the response that I initially think is appropriate and then sit on it for a few days. Over time I cool down my approach and find a way to better address the issue either within myself or with the other person...Are there any ways you can disengage to give yourself a cooling down period before responding?

Hey jbrowning,

honestly that sounds like a great method!

Something that I always do, is stay mindful.. So when I'm at work and I really feel like I'm getting overwhelmed and I can feel myself slipping too much, I'll remind myself that no matter what, it's not worth freaking out because I'll only regret it later or get in trouble (which has happened a lot in the past), and if I need to I'll walk away and go somewhere quiet and alone until I chill out, then come back and repeat the process as much as needed.

Anyways, thank you for your reply, take care :)

 

[Deleted member 29311]

I need to start to psychical work on switching my negative childhood reactions. When I feel that starting, I need to find a way to shut it out. Maybe when I start feeling the negative thoughts over take my mind, I could just say Dork and remember it is my past doing the thinking, what do you truly feel about the situation and what is the first thing you want to know about what is happening now.

I really hope this work. I am sick and tired of always feeling like I am walking on eggshells.

Hey Bookoffee,

it seems like you've got something there, that doesn't sound like a bad idea, let us know how it works out for you in the future!

I can understand what you mean by the eggshell thing, 100%. It's not easy!

Anyways, thank you for taking the time to reply, and welcome to the forum, take care :)

 

[jbrowning]

Tonight I told her how I feel and I found out that she was interested in a lot of different things I do. She said I was a dork and that is what she loves about me.

Hold onto her! There's something special there. I'm happy for you that you were able to talk with her and she was so positive in the response.

 

[jbrowning]

Something that I always do, is stay mindful.. So when I'm at work and I really feel like I'm getting overwhelmed and I can feel myself slipping too much, I'll remind myself that no matter what, it's not worth freaking out because I'll only regret it later or get in trouble (which has happened a lot in the past), and if I need to I'll walk away and go somewhere quiet and alone until I chill out, then come back and repeat the process as much as needed.

Staying mindful sure can be hard. For me it seems like a battle between the logical part of me (which knows I have to be careful before I decide how to respond) and the emotional part (which wants to lash out immediately and as forcefully as possible). It can take days for the emotional part to wind down and find some balance. I need to find ways to get through the emotional correction sooner.

Does anyone else experience this or have any suggestions? I need to reduce the hills and valleys on the emotional roller coaster ride.

Hopefully this fits in with your thread, Collin.

 

[holdenmonty]

I'm with you there Collin. I tend to over react a lot but have talked about it a lot in therapy and have been working on it for a really long time and just now starting to be able to cope with it and not blow things out of the water most of the time.