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Some Opinions Of My Work Situation

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bittersweet

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Some of you may know I got another job after my grooming one. Long story short, it was really stressful since day one because of typical new job stress, my inability to handle stress normally and the fact my boss is a real jerk to put it nicely. I started to vomit every day before work and sometimes during. I hoped that my boss would ease up off of me once training was done but it's only gotten worse. It's become to the point where I am stressed about work even after I've come home. It's made me break down and cry many times. My husband loves the fact I have a job (I love the idea just not where I am) and just the extra money is nice but he doesn't understand how I can be so stressed about it. Any ideas how I can try to have him understand and would it be wise to me to leave if it's driving me to the point of heavy depression?
 
Hi Bittersweet,

I am so sorry you are going through a tough time at work and I know how stressful work, let alone new jobs can be. I would like to ask for more information though... What are the parts of work, bosses behaviours and the environment that is making you feel this way? It is important to be aware of what behaviours make you unwell and why - this is about understanding the core belief systems that create psychological barriers in our lives and when these are triggered, it can make us unwell. Can you tell me more?

It is hard to find the right environment to work in, and when you start out in a new job, everyone has to become use to each other and their work styles. This makes the first 3 months of a job a little more challenging while you get up to speed and managers learn about you, while you learn about them.

Maybe you can prompt your manager about what works for you by talking to your manager about the way in which you like to be managed. We all have different styles of working and we respond better to a style that suits us (which you manager should apply). For example you could:

- discuss whether you want a list once a week or daily of tasks to compete on your own.
- you could ask for a meeting with the manager once a week or a fortnight to talk about progress and any problems you encounter.
- you ask for more time to learn something you are unfamiliar with which will give you space and time to do learn the more challenging things - you don't have to know everything on day one.

It takes some courage to talk to your manager in this way, but as long as you don't criticise him/her and provide an avenue for him/her to manage you in a way that suits you, it can be beneficial. This is always a little easier if your manager is appropriately qualified.

If he/ she is not willing to bend to your work style then it may not be the best environment for anyone. And, if you don't talk up about the way you want to be managed, then he/she may begin to think that this is how to manage you all the time - not really good for you if it is currently making you feel unwell. So, it might be worth taking a chance on a calm and non-fight response conversation. Role playing this conversation with your hubby might help to find the right words - I do this for my hubby all the time to give him confidence, clear out any miss communications and reduce anxiety (he doesn't have PTSD though).

PS xxoo
 
It's honestly not so much what I do but the fact they are throwing more and more work on me that isn't what I was "trained" for. I use the term trained loosely because apparently the girl who taught me did it all wrong so I had to go through it again. I've been there for about 2 months now. The issue with my boss is how he treats me as well as my other coworkers even. He is the kind of person who gets off on making people feel like they are worthless even though they aren't. No matter if you are 100% right, you are wrong and he will tell you that to your face. I had an argument with him over the fact that a paper he was supposed to put on my desk was actually not on my desk but he forgot to but swore up and down I was the one who was wrong. Thing like this happen on a daily basis. He only has one volume on his voice and that's screaming at you. I am constantly getting blamed for things the previous girl did (who I just found out quit for the reasons I am so upset with the job). I also finally had gotten a routine that worked for me that helped me get the work done faster and since it wasn't HIS way it was wrong and now I am forced to do things exactly as he says them. I've tried the calm approach and pulled him aside in the mornings when it's just me in the office. I swear I've gotten more compromise from talking to my dog. He's always changing how things are done so no one can get a routine going which results in errors everywhere. It doesn't help I can't speak spanish and 99% of the company only speaks spanish so a language barrier is another issue.


I apologize for this novel but I figured I would provide as much information as I could during my lunch break.
 
It's honestly not so much what I do but the fact they are throwing more and more work on me that isn't what I was "trained" for.

Oh dear, this is not good and particularly as he has not offered training courses to help you learn. I had a friend (former employee) come to me with a similar work overload problem with her new manager after I moved on. In the end she moved on also to a nicer environment. Do you have a HR department you can speak to in terms of training? Formal training may make him ease off on you...

The issue with my boss is how he treats me as well as my other coworkers even. He is the kind of person who gets off on making people feel like they are worthless even though they aren't.

What is important to understand here is that it is his own insecurities, not yours that are the problem. He might be in over his head and not have the training himself to do the job of a manager, or may be under pressure from his bosses, so he is kicking down instead of up. None of this is your problem and he really shouldn't make it your problem.

Overloading someone with work is often a tactic of passive firing (grr), but you just started on the job so that is not what is happening here. Overloading with work can occur when there is not enough resources to do the job in the first place, which is poor management on his part. There are cultural differences in different countries to the structure and management style used, but none of your managers behaviours are in-keeping with European cultural styles. He sounds like a micro-manager who doesn't really know what he wants (could have competency issues himself?).

Have the other co-workers commented to you on how he makes them feel? Banding together as a team often helps alot when there is an ineffective manager. The other thing that is important is that you don't make his insecurities your own - you are not worthless, you are of great value regardless of where you work or whether you work.

There are laws against bullying and harassment in the work place, although the are quite new and not universal. No one should be yelling in a work environment. It is such a shame that these problems still exist in the workplace. Most of the time the solution is to leave, sometimes forming a tight group with co-workers helps as if you all support each other, these behaviours can be less tolerated when it is one against a group.

Being a bit of a whistleblower myself in the past, I can say that it is not easy to go up against a corporation where this behaviour exists. I also know what it is like to not have the support of co-workers, which makes everything much harder. So, if you choose to stay in the job, try to create a stronger team with your co-workers. Maybe go for lunch with them, tell them when you fell they have been unfairly treated by the manager and tell them that you are all in it together.

Try to keep a written record of everything. Even asking him to send you an email about the problems he want's you to solve can help. If he is misbehaving and been in trouble before he will refuse to email tasks as he won't want a written record.

I also finally had gotten a routine that worked for me that helped me get the work done faster and since it wasn't HIS way it was wrong and now I am forced to do things exactly as he says them.

It is also concerning that you had a functioning style that worked for you before and he is dismissing that. Is this an entirely new company, or have you moved within the company? If you have moved within the company, then maybe you can speak to your old manager for added support?

Bittersweet, can I ask what do you, in your heart, what to do and why are you hesitating?
 
Do you have a HR department you can speak to in terms of training? Formal training may make him ease off on you...


Overloading someone with work is often a tactic of passive firing (grr), but you just started on the job so that is not what is happening here.

Have the other co-workers commented to you on how he makes them feel?

Try to keep a written record of everything. Even asking him to send you an email about the problems he want's you to solve can help. If he is misbehaving and been in trouble before he will refuse to email tasks as he won't want a written record.

It is also concerning that you had a functioning style that worked for you before and he is dismissing that. Is this an entirely new company, or have you moved within the company?

Bittersweet, can I ask what do you, in your heart, what to do and why are you hesitating?

Unfortunately no. My boss and his brother are owners and the only people with any say in the company.

The overloading of work has only been recent to the point where they dump piles of papers on the desk and then as I'm on the phone with a client have me doing something else or my boss would hang the phone up while I was talking to a client because he wanted me to do something else.

I've spoken to my coworkers but no one will do anything because the last person got fired for trying to stand up for themselves. I've asked for emails and he refuses it. He said "you should know everything you need to. it's not complicated" The company itself has been around for 12 years or so but I'm new to it.

I've talked everything over with my husband and I've come to the conclusion that I am collecting my pay today and never going back. I cannot take the stress this job is creating for me. I would rather flip burgers for 9 hours a day then sit in my computer chair at work for the same amount of time and have to put up with being treated like crap. It's going to suck to be jobless again but I'd rather be jobless and have my health than stay there and wind up having another mental breakdown
 
Sounds like a toxic environment to me... and as you clear out of there, be kind to yourself and remember that you made a lot of attempts at managing the situation. PTSD sufferer brought up a lot of great points, but you obviously can't continue as things are and set yourself up for another breakdown. Vomiting before and during work is the clencher that the stress and management "style" (using the term loosely for people who are loud and obnoxious and not very pleasant to be around). Glad you talked it over with your husband and are getting out of there.
 
Thanks everyone. As I was leaving work. My boss was out in the parking lot and started yelling at me because he wanted to back a truck up into the lot and apparently I wasn't backing out fast enough so when I did he walked up to my window and continues screaming so I flipped him the bird and drive away.
 
Hi Bittersweet,

I think you have made the right decision as honestly, I wouldn't stay in that environment either.

My hubby and I have a deal, if I don't like the manager or the job at any time, I have to give myself permission to leave, as my hubby says. Bad environments will never be satisfying for anyone (PTSD or not).

Although I not working, it does not mean I am of any lesser worth or value, because we are always of value regardless of whether we work or not. I am sure there are good environments out there, I did see one and a bit in my career, so they do exist.

I am sure you will find the right environment for you if you keep looking, and if you choose to take time out for yourself then that is equally great!

I am very proud of you for making this decision! xxoo
 
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