I wasn't able to sustain the whole fake it til you make it scene and no longer make myself participate. I strongly feel that's one of the main things that took me down. I'd been MADE to fake it for so long to save the asses of abusers and such, I think I grew to strongly resent it subconsciously. My body and brain clearly knew I was faking and numbing/charging/calming/energizing myself via meds (for anxiety, adhd, severe depression, insomnia, nervous stomach, etc., etc.) just to please others and meet their ongoing demands while regularly casting my own needs and health aside.
Sure, it lasted for a while, pleased a few folks along the way personally and professionally, and I managed to appear functional to others, key word being "appear", but it ate away at my inner and outer being like a mofo and created symptoms that the professionals were happy to label as many other things that required yet another prescription of some sort. The pills they prescribed more often than not served to complicate the overall issues rather than help as I quickly learned pills don't teach skills. I had hoped so badly that I could just take something and get on with my days, but my body was letting me know in no uncertain terms that it wasn't going to allow that. I had to totally unlearn what I thought I (and others) knew and re-learn self from the inside out, and I'm still working on it, and always will be, it seems, as shift is constantly happening.
For the movement portion of my days, I had to make it fun and inviting for myself, or I'd never partake. I also had to make it accessible within my own living space because some days I simply can't, or don't wish to venture out among people, no matter how helpful it would be. I found a used mini-trampoline via craigslist and made it part of my living room decor. I also learned to make hula hoops, which is a great conversation starter, can be done individually or with others, and ended up being much more fun than I ever imagined. It's also another reason I love nature so much. So much beauty, growth, life, death, transition, etc. to explore and it doesn't require another person or substance to make it possible.
My point is no one I sought out for answers and help in the medication arena was able to help me nearly as much as I eventually was forced to help myself once my health began rapidly declining and it felt like it was all falling down around me and I was left desperate for more answers with no choices left in the medical and mental health arenas. Meds help many, but I wasn't one of them. Although my falling apart was made much kinder thanks to having a husband willing to support my efforts and help me meet my basic needs. Every person's mileage, motivation, and circumstances vary. I hope something soon lifts your spirits and creates some forward momentum to ease your suffering.
