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alise06 One idea I don't see mentioned in these responses (granted, I skimmed a lot of them for their key points but if someone saif this and I missed it, I apologize).
As someone who deals with PTSD from a heavily abusive marriage and as someone who feels a tremendous amount of empathy for anyone who stumbles across one of my triggers, I can completely understand your frustration. One thing that a lot of mental health professionals suggest is that when we feel a strong emotion and want to text or email someone we are angry at, it can help to type it out but not send it until the intensity of the anger, hurt, sadness, etc. isn't so fresh. This allows us to avoid saying things we regret later. It doesn't mean that your feelings aren't valid but it does mean that sometimes we can better ways of communicating them.
Also, I've found that because there when people read a text they cannot hear the tone of voice intended, it is easy to misunderstand the intention of the text. My computer is full of messages I've never emailed or texted because when I looked at them later that day or the next day, I realize that maybe I should've tried to communicate a different way. In my experience, when it comes to serious discussions the best way to approach them is face to face. A lot can be said for body language and, again, tone of voice, which is lost in text or email.
The holiday season is a stressful time for everyone, this is a given. So know that you are not alone in having issues during this time of year. We all want our holidays to be like the stories we grew up with. Enjoying the company of family and friends, buying little gifts for our loved ones to show them we appreciate them, and generally celebrating. Unfortunately, I feel I'm preaching to the choir when I say that the reality of the holiday season with all it's conscious and unconscious expectations is full of more emotional mine fields than anyone can keep track of.
I completely respect and admire your understanding of your partner's PTSD but when someone with PTSD is told they are having an episode, it tends to have the same effect as a telling a woman she's PMSing. Often times, the person saying it is trying to show understanding but the person who hears it is more likely to feel as though any emotion they have can be chalked up to a hormonal or psychological issue. I'm a woman, I get PMS. I also have PTSD moments. I also am reasonably good at knowing whether I'm dealing with one of those or if the feelings I'm experiencing have nothing to do with either. I'm not perfect, I'm sure I make mistakes, but anyone who has dealt with those issues is usually pretty good at knowing if they are causing or inflating the emotions the are experiencing. This is especially true for people who have undergone therapy.
When I got married, I meant it when I said my vows. The only reason I left the abusive marriage I was in was because I didn't want my children to be raised in that environment. I still loved him. I was still in love with him. However, I felt it was better for my children to grow up in a healthy home than one where they would learn that it was ok to kick people in the head or throw them against a wall or keep them locked up in a room. My point is, I relate to your mixed feelings of wanting to have the family you wished for and coming to terms with the fact that that particular future may not be possible. It is a horrible situation to be in and one that has no easy answer.
Note: I am not a doctor but you mentioned that your partner tried Zoloft and Prozac. I've found that Effexor is a very good alternative to those and, when I took it, it didn't have any of the side effects the others did. In fact, no-one I know who has taken has complained of any long-lasting side effects so it's an idea you may want to consider.
Also, just remember, no matter what someone's past is, any relationship is hard work. I would suggest to anyone, regardless of their past, that they go into couples therapy to help them communicate better and find out if the relationship can work. I love happy endings. I think we all do. The thing is, they're a lot more difficult to achieve than the fairy tales we were fed as children.
One more note: I don't understand why your partner equates seeing with seeing the daughter you have together. If he is not a danger to her, maybe a possible solution is to set up a neutral place (a mutual friend or someone else) who you could drop off the daughter with, your partner could pick her up for a specified time, then you could collect her at a specified time. That way, while the two of you work out how you're going to proceed with your relationship, he and your daughter can remain close without her parents running into one another. At least for now. Just an idea... I'm in no way criticizing anything you've done, I'm just offering possible solutions in the hopes that one or more of them may help.
