Something I Noticed

[sonicwhite]

Anna my ex, I unblocked her and saw she had a child. My heart broke. I have been having nightmares of her everyday for four days. I'm simply just going to have to keep her blocked. She is a BIG PTSD trigger.


It's not her fault. I don't want her wallowing soaked in self loathing and mourning. I just want to be free of the affliction I deal with. I know when I find my soulmate. That she will heal me.

At one time I wanted to be back with Anna but now I know I can never be with her. Like our relationship burned up like chaff. There is nothing left. I wrote her telling her that she and her family has no idea what I've been through. They seemed at least to me very bitter towards me and I don't blame them.


I opened the door for Anna to do meth. When someone loves somebody they want no harm to come to them. I was foolish and I was stupid I can't erase my mistakes but I know she and I will be good friends in heaven.


I told her I have PTSD and that I'm going to have to block her but don't feel I'm mad at you. I'm doing this for me and my health.


I'm called to be a preacher. And something God just says to me is forbidden.

 

[Virtues]

I know when I find my soulmate. That she will heal me....

If you believe this than you are in worse trouble than I thought my friend. It just doesn't work like that. No one else can "heal" you. At best you can find peace with your condition and share happiness with another human being, but until you find it for yourself no one can bring it to you. I hope you don't take this as a slap to the face (it's not meant to be that way), but I hope you will understand one day that you must first heal and love yourself before anyone else can possibly fit into the picture. Best of luck my friend. Godspeed!

 

[sonicwhite]

I don't mean they will fix me, I mean they will understand my affliction and I turn help me. Hug me when I need it. Be tender towards a heart that is as beat up as mine. I don't mean that that person will ever fix me. That will never work and in fact that will do more harm than good.

 

[sonicwhite]

I'm scared, my heart is hurting so bad. Why did I look at her. I didn't understand that she is a trigger and stunts my growth. I have a therapist. I love her. It was like she and I where meant to be therapist and patient.


She can sympathize because she has been through a lot herself. I'm just going to try to pull through all this. Please give me strength Lord.

 

[sonicwhite]

Please pray that the therapist shows the doc that I need a new anti anxiety med. This is how I cope with the GAD AND OCD PURE O PLUS PANIC DISORDER. IM HURTING. IT feels like there is a pinch or opened wound on my heart. Never again. I can't stand the thought of rejection and that's what happened to me after a traumatizing psychosis. Left abandoned and she was young and rebellious just trying to make me jealous. Oh how I wished I wasn't cursed this way.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'll pray for healing. I don't necessarily believe that another drug would be beneficial at this time. Please seek inpatient type rehab.