Something So Simple Can Cause So Much Anxiety

[Bubba]

Yesterday I was feeling pretty calm and thought I was doing much better. Anxiety kicked back in later in the afternoon (shortness of breath, nervous, etc...). I slept great, but still felt anxiety when I woke up. I had decided today I would go get my hair trimmed and go to the store. I was determined to just be normal today.

I left the house feeling a little anxious, but then by the time I got to the store I felt like I could hardly breathe. I had a tremendous amount of fear. And then I started to get lightheaded while walking around. Still determined, I finished my shopping and got out of there as fast as I could.

I'm home now trying not to take an Ativan, because I'd really like to not take that stuff. But heart is still beating fast and I still can't breathe well.

It is just so weird to me (diagnosed a month ago due to childhood trauma and then repeated trauma's throughout my life - I'm 41 now) that doing something so simple and normal could cause me so much anxiety. I start EMDR next month - I'm told that it will help tremendously. I just want to be normal...

 

[piratelady]

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time Bubba. Is there something you have at home to distract you from how you are feeling? Like listen to some relaxing music, do some arts/crafts, or anything like that?

 

[maddog]

Bubba, your last line summed it up for so, so many of us I think. The longing to be "normal" can feel like the holy grail, and ironically, it really is, because "normal" is a construct that is different for all of us, and is probably not a state that any human being can ever be guaranteed of attaining.

That said, I understand what you mean, and find myself wishing the same thing countless times a day.

Seemingly irrational and baseless anxiety and fear are some of the most common and pervasive symptoms at this stage, and you are right to look ahead to your upcoming therapy with genuine hope that it will alleviate some of these symptoms, given time and hard work by you and your therapist.

I know how dabilitating and distressing it can feel right now though, and would just encourage you to utilise your grounding, stress management and other relaxation/self soothing techniques as best you can, continue to share both here and with whatever safe support network you have in your life, and to tell yourself as often as you need to that it won't feel like this forever, and that even if "normal" remains a pipedream as it does for all of us, "better" is a state that you can and will achieve.

Maddog

 

[rowean]

I was just observing in my journal how frustrating it can be to go from fine (or at least okay) to full panic mode in the space of a heart beat. I guess the one comfort is that you are not alone, nor are you abnormal - so many of us go through it. Sometimes there is comfort in knowing that.

I finally hit an end place and just told one of my students that I would not be able to make the last student group meeting of the year - I am just too exhausted to deal with all their energy and, I have to admint, panic at the thought of dealing with the grade whiners!

You can do this and get to normal, or whatever is currently passing for normal. :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi- I agree with you, I hate and loathe anxiety. I struggle with it every day, how I hate it. I wake up with it. It goes away in the afternoon. I am glad you are going to start emdr. I am so very sad that it is affecting you so deeply. I hope you can breathe. I hope for some great diversions and distractions to take your mind off of it. I'm rooting for you. I try to breathe and try to find things I can do that take my mind off of it. I have a hard time in the morning because I spend time waking up. I have a routine that helps alittle.

Wishing you the very best. You are not alone.

 

[Overwhelmed]

You are not alone, Bubba. Anxiety comes so unexpectely that it is hard to deal with. I know how it feels to panic and not know what to do to ease it. I dissassociate when my anxiety gets very bad and it is an awful feeling because I feel like the whole world is watching. Prayer, music and communication help me out of my darkest days and I wish you well in feeling better.

 

[Bubba]

Thank you so much everyone! Yes, the anxiety is still here - it's like a coat that I just can't seem to take off. Last night my husband called me in his need to try to talk. He read to me over the phone the letters that I have written to him trying to make sense of who I am right now. I ended up curled up in the fetal position on my bed hyperventilating and dissassociating. I couldn't talk, I couldn't move and just wished he would stop. He wasn't trying to be mean, but he kept questioning me on things that I wrote. I am just so messed up right now. He does say that he is going to wait for me, but the ball is in my court. I am the one that is going to have to make contact when I am ready.

Who knows when that will be - hopefully the EMDR will help me get to that point. So I ended up taking a Xanax last night and a sleeping pill. I had nightmares the night before and really needed to just be knocked out. Today the anxiety is full force. I'm just praying the day goes quickly and that my boss doesn't come into the office today. I need to relax, unwind and not think.

It's so nice to hear from others that go thru the same things - at least I know I'm not really crazy, even though I feel like it at times. :O_o:

 

[ericaboo]

All I can say is... me too. Glad to have read this thread - not so alone...

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Bubba)))

I hate and loathe anxiety. I get it every day, and on my good days it is a low grade.

I heard the emdr helps to relieve anxiety I so hope so. Mabe something to talk to your therapist about. Let me know I would really appreciate it so much.

Take care and be well.

 

[Bubba]

Hey Gizmo :)...

Yes - my T said EMDR will definitely help relieve the anxiety. She said it will be like a fog has been lifted - I will be myself, but a more confident and stable me. I will be able to make decisions appropriately without the PTSD getting in the way.

Also - just a side note, I've had success with an all natural calming pill - called Calm Thoughts. Sometimes I have to take 4-5 a day, but these really do help. I was out of them for over 3 weeks (was trying to get them at a local store, but they never seemed to have them - so I ordered them from Amazon). I just received them yesterday and they definitely do help with the anxiety - at least I feel I can breathe somewhat normally now. I don't know if they would work for you or not - but just thought I would pass this along :)...

Dead Link Removed

Take care of yourself - it's so cool to have people that we can share with who really and truly understand. Lots of ((((((((HUGS))))))) :)

 

[Overwhelmed]

Hi Bubba,

I saw this link yesterday and thought you might want to take a look. The author was discussing about loving yourself. I felt better after reading it and my anxiety came down. I thought you could also benefit.
[DLMURL]http://www.healyourlife.com/author-louise-l-hay/2011/12/wisdom/inspiration/do-you-love-yourself[/DLMURL]

Take care

 

[Bubba]

Hey Overwhelmed - Thank you for sending this! I've printed this out and have it on the mirror in my bathroom. I think it's great advice and good way to try look at yourself - versus the inner critic that we all seem to have. I'm hoping this will help me become more grounded. I've also ordered and should be getting soon a daily devotional for recovery. I think keeping positive things around you and having reminders for positive thoughts helps to make life a little easier to handle. And all of here definitely need that :-).