Songs You Relate To

[arizonatee]

Tool- 46 and 2
I will post the lyrics and my take on them down below. I haven't thought about this one as much.



My shadow's

Shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again. <<picking at the old wound and trying to remember the event, as its taken me 4 years to realize that I might have ptsd.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles <<< trying to find my old self
Looking for a clue.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused <<< not knowing who I am or who I was, disassociation?(I'm not sure what to call it)
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in << I want to know who I was before trauma

My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.

I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within <<< enduring the pain.

My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory. << muscle memory of the event
Contemplate what I've been clinging to. <<<me questioning myself if the trauma even happened, or if I made it up. and why I cling to it
Forty-six and two ahead of me.

I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to <<<< living with the aftermath
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.

I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to <<<<< I'm mostly driven by anger honestly.
Do what it takes to step through.

See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow, <<< how I changed after the trauma
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me.

 

[arizonatee]

Tool- Laterlus
lyrics and my thoughts


Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. <<< I don't remember my old self so it feels like I was born with my "instincts"
lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason. << I do things without reason, just out of impulse
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind. <<< The lack of separation// and overthinking in public
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more
and beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind. < if only I could get rid of hyper vigilance, so I could enjoy being out more.

Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come. <<my lack of caring in some situations

I embrace my desire to, I embrace my desire to <<< to be free
feel the rhythm, to feel connected << to stop feeling disconnected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow << to let myself vent to others
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, << to realize lifes apparent gifts rather than being stuck
to swing on the spiral, to swing on the spiral,
to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human.

With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in.
I feel it move across my skin. <<<anxiety/panic
I'm reaching up and reaching out.
I'm reaching for the random or whatever will bewilder me.
Whatever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.

Spiral out. Keep going... << keep living

 

[arizonatee]

Lorde- Yellow flicker beat
Just my thoughts, not saying I'm correct


I’m a princess cut from marble, smoother than a storm
And the scars that mark my body, they’re silver and gold
My blood is a flood of rubies, precious stones
It keeps my veins hot, the fires find a home in me << my rage/anger
I move through town, I’m quiet like a fire <<< trying to be less noticeable in public
And my necklace is of rope, I tie it and untie it << thinking of random objects I can use as self defense

And our people talk to me, but nothing ever hits
So people talk to me, and all the voices just burn holes <<< I'm disconnected from others
I’m going in (ooh)

This is the start of how it all ever ends
They used to shout my name, now they whisper it
I’m speeding up and this is the
Red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart << panic
We rip the start, the colors disappear
I never watch the stars there’s so much down here
So I just try to keep up with them
Red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart

I dream all year, but they’re not the same kinds
And the shivers move down my shoulder blades in double time < nightmares due to anxiety, and the feeling of anxiety

And now people talk to me I’m slipping out of reach now
People talk to me, and all their faces blur <<< disconnection, I have trouble paying attention often.
But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison
And I’m locking up everyone that ever laid a finger on me << through my anger in my mind, dreaming of vengeance and such.
I’m going in (ooh)

This is the start of how it all ever ends
They used to shout my name, now they whisper it
I’m speeding up and this is the
Red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart
We rip the start, the colors disappear
I never watch the stars there’s so much down here
So I just try to keep up with them
Red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart

And this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat
Sparking up my heart
And this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat-beat-beat-beat

 

[arizonatee]

I'm sorry I broke the rules, I forgot to read them first!!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Nice! I think there's a thread about this floating around...

I would go for nine inch nails - hurt

Mod edit: threads have been merged

 

[Reaching4thestarrs]

Old Violin-Johnny Paycheck

Well, I can't recall, one time in my life,
I've felt as lonely as I do tonight.
I feel like I could lay down, and get up no more,
It's the damndest feelin'; I never felt it before.

Tonight I feel like an old violin,
Soon to be put away and never played again.
Don't ask me why I feel like this, hell, I can't say.
I only wish this feelin' would just go away.

I guess it's 'cause the truth,
Is the hardest thing I ever faced.
'cause you can't change the truth,
In the slightest way. I tried.

So I asked myself,
I said: "John, where'd you go from here?"
Then like a damned fool,
I turned around and looked in the mirror.

And there I saw, an old violin.
Soon to be put away and never played again.

So one more time, just to be sure,
I said: "John, where in the hell do you go from here?"
You know that when a nickel's worth of difference,
And I looked in the mirror, that's when I knew.

That there I was seein', an old violin.
Soon to be put away, and never played again.

And just like that, it hit me,
That old violin and I were just alike.
We'd give our all to music,
And soon, we'd give our life.

 

[lymphomamama]

Hole: Softer,Softest
LouReed:Vicious Circle
Lou Reed: Halloween Parade
4 Non Blondes: Spaceman

 

[Candleflames]

Five Finger Death Punch - Remember Everything

 

[-lemurlibs91-]

I don't know how I haven't actually posted on this thread before, as I basically can only talk about how I feel about my trauma through lyrics and express feelings through music...but hey, here we are. I thought I'd start with songs by RED - there are SO many songs that I relate to for varying reasons but these two are probably the most relevant to my PTSD.

RED – Fight To Forget
"You're a monster in my mind
You're the one I can't leave behind.

Did you get what you want from me?
You weren't the one that I thought you'd be
Everything it cost, everything I lost
Did you think that you could erase me?

Your sickness, blame it on me!
Your hopelessness, your insanity
Your screaming, blame it on me!

I will fight to forget
I will fight to forget you
Let me go, let me go!"

RED – Confession (What’s Inside My Head)
"I feel fine but I can't smile and I feel the anger coming
It’s underneath, I don't know why it's always overflowing
It's a constant fight, deep inside and I wanna forget it

I confess I'm always afraid, always ashamed of what's inside me
I confess I'm always afraid, always ashamed of what's inside my head

And I can't breathe and I still feel, but not the way I want to
I'm on the edge I don't know how I can escape this nightmare
Wasting away is part of my instinct
I'll run away from everything I hate
Take this away, help me escape
Take this away!"

 

[Amethyst]

I listened to "Alive" by Sia on repeat for weeks after what happened at Pulse. The chorus is essentially "I'm still breathing, I'm alive" in repetition, which I actually used as a grounding phrase for a while. Other songs from the same album that I relate to are "Unstoppable", which is about putting on a brave face and living life, and "Summer Rain", which is about overcoming fear.

Sia also released a new song a couple months ago called "The Greatest" and while the song itself doesn't seem to be trauma related, the music video was a tribute to Pulse, so I clung to that song as well.

I'm just really into Sia, lol.

 

[-lemurlibs91-]

I swear this song is literally written about trauma...well at least that is how I relate to most of it (the bits I have included below).

Evanescence - Understanding
"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it. That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there."

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won’t fade away

"But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"God, please don't hate me."

I also find I really relate to these songs:
Plumb - Damaged
Tori Amos - Me and a Gun
Demi Lovato - Warrior

 

[-lemurlibs91-]

30 Seconds to Mars - Was It A Dream?
Was it a dream? Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it? A photograph of you and I...

Your reflection I've erased like a thousand burned out yesterdays
Believe me when I say goodbye forever is for good.

The Glass Child - Hit The Ground (NB potentially triggering for survivors of assault)
I need to clear my mind up - those chemics
And I forgot to lock the door, ****Triggering bit - I can't write it*****
...
My stranger caught me bleak I was too drunk to speak
Oh can you feel the absence there’s a lack of me

The sky is way too close now, oh is anybody here?
Whispers softly in my ear.
Flying high, close your eyes.

Oh who needs you?
Does any one believe you?
Are you too scared to show?
Oh, does anybody know?

You disappear as he inhales you
The angels are so near and you can hear how they all sing for you

I was waiting for the longest time
I was lost but now I’m found
The silhouette I’ve grown to be
I watch as he’s inhaling me..."