Hi Gizmo, my maternal granddad is a lay method preacher. From what I can gather 'lay' translates in his case at least, to a dangerously self interested dabbler. Yet he has propelled himself into this position in a community basically by utilising religion as his morality in place of the fact that he isn't himself a very nice person.
I've always felt a wary of him. He calls people 'my friend' but it has such a hollow sour ring to it when he does, it feels insidious, creeping, contrived.
He is the person who seemly instilled in my mother that to be ungodly was to be unworthy and that marriage as a holy union was never to be undone. Also it seems that he gave her an inferiority complex that meant as an undeserving woman she would have to be the one to prevent divorce at all costs. When I say all costs, I mean costs incurred only to herself.
Growing up being abused by my father, he sent me cryptic letters saying I should be careful not become one of those girls who sat at the back of the cinema. I had no clue what he was talking about, I was 12, but he judged my traumatised behaviour in some mysterious manner without ever extending a hand out to me. Judging me in some weird abstract way was suitable it seemed. In fact just thinking about it, he always was a snide coward, he wouldn't even just come out and plainly say what he thought. He got far more delight out of insulting and ostracising you if he could confuse you as well. He seemed to get a thrill out of insinuating accusation. Skirting around it but never stating his case. Funny thing is everyone else in the family seems to tow the line and subscribe to the fact he is well meaning?
Also, he worked at a borstal ('care' home for boys) in North Wales. It is a place that for 20 years has had numerous investigations into it's operation, after widespread endemic accusations of sexual abuse and child cruelty. My granddad worked tirelessly to try and clear the names of the 'falsely accused' by these 'delinquent' children who were beyond hope and defective. Very Christian. Whilst struggling with what was happening to me he used to wax lyrical about these sub standard kids who were only after the money and attention. He even co-founded an organisation called FACT (Falsely Accused Carers and Teachers). It always smacked of vitriol and self righteous denial to me.
Even when I was having massive breakdowns, and stupidly went to my family for help, I was massively in need of a caring male archetype and he just started questioning me about how I KNEW I didn't have False Memory Syndrome (one of his favourites). It massively triggered me. He seemed oblivious. He is one of the most alarming discompassionate and self absorbed people I know.
I am secular and atheist because of it.
Occasionally my aunt has tried to help in my healing by trying to suggest religious based retreats. It could not be more opposed to what I feel.
However, as buildings I have on occasions gone into religious buildings and I like the energy the scale gives. Also they tend to be quite an empty
