Started Therapy Again

[hodge]

Well, it was exhausting, but I'm glad I went. My therapist is going to talk to my psychiatrist about whether my nightmares indicate that I need to do more work on my traumas. We also talked my new flashbacks which involve allergies. Long story, but I'll try to keep it down. My mom is allergic to shellfish. When I was 18 she took me out to dinner for my birthday -- to a place of her choosing, of course -- and insisted I get the surf and turf, even though I prefer chicken and pasta. In order to not make waves, I went along. One bite of the lobster and I was sick as hell. Dizzy, nauseous, I staggered out of the restaurant without even having enjoyed a meal. She didn't take me to the ER or anything. I was afraid my throat would close up or something, but it turned out I was okay by the next morning. Flash forward a year. She takes me out to dinner again for my birthday and insists I get crab legs. I take one bite and almost instantly dizziness and nausea. Again, not to make waves. I cannot believe she would do this to me! She knew I had inherited her allergy from my experience the previous year! Why in the world would she want me to go through this again??? I am so angry. This is something I've never forgotten, but it's only come to the forefront of my mind since I had an allergic reaction to Carmex lip balm a few weeks ago. Since then, flashbacks, anger, cluelessness. My therapist agrees that the second time was inexcusable. But I have to deal with my mother all the time since I work with her now, and we've had a pretty good relationship for a few years, but I have to stuff this away in order to communicate with her. I just feel like she was trying to poison me if that's not too dramatic. How else to explain this???

 

[Tanishq]

Hi hodge, I am glad you started therapy again and seems your T is understanding your issue very well.

Your mother's action, second time, yes I do agree it's inexcusable. When someone knows they are going to do something which is against person's health, then that is bad act. Something should be done about it and shouldn't be repeated again.

Sounds your mother might not understand, but I feel there must be a reason behind this all. Does she try to understanding any of your things?

How else to explain this???

Could you please rephrase this question again?

Hope you are taking rest as your therapy was exhaustive for you. :hug:

 

[hodge]

Thank you , Tanishq. My mother is very smart, has the shellfish allergy herself, and should have known I would have a reaction the second time. The kindest explanation I can think of is that she likes shellfish, therefore I should, therefore, I should take any reactions that come from eating them. That's most likely, actually. But I'm still angry at her for coercing me to eat something I not only did not even like the smell of, but that would hurt me. And she knew it would hurt me!! That's what gets me.

 

[anonymous]

More concerning is your inability to stand up for yourself and your own needs. Its a bit concerning that you can't stand up for yourself in a life/death sort of matter (as allergies can be). I have gluten intolerance and you'd have to practically threaten to shoot me before I'd eat anything with gluten in it. Stop blaming everyone else for your own shortcomings and learn to stand up for yourself and assert yourself. It does you no good to cry and blame your mom for "making" you eat crab legs. Everyone in the free world is aware of my food issues but in the end its my responsibility to take care of myself. My mom bought me a PANERA gift card awhile ago. PANERA?!?! Its a bread place! She's all too aware of my food issues because it annoys her that I can only go out to eat at certain places. Yes, they have like 3 salads that are gluten free. Thank God its summertime now and I can just get the smoothies. But yeah, not her fault, in the end its up to me to decide what I put in my body. If you can't stand up to your mother, then its time to reexamine your relationship with her. If you decide to keep her in your life and can't stand up to her....well, TBH, then its all on you.

 

[hodge]

Anonymous, I learned to stand up to my mother years ago. But this was before that, when I was still living with her. Thanks for blaming the victim. I would not ever let her do anything like that to me again these days. But I had to learn and grow, understand? Oh, and by the way, I wasn't "blaming everyone else", just my mom. And I guess you can be thankful that you don't know what it's like to have such a controlling mother and try to live with her until you can get your ass out of her house.

 

[hodge]

Well, also, Anonymous, I'm sorry your mother bought you a Panera gift card. Sounds like we have something in common.

 

[hodge]

And, also, Anonymous, since you are on this forum, I would imagine that you can understand that people can still suffer flashbacks from things that happened, even though they know now how they would have dealt with those threatening things in the past if they could have. It really bothers me that you are blaming me for this. I guess you don't understand what it's like to live with such a parent and try to get along so you don't get abused and even worse the suicide threats.

 

[ihateusernames]

I guess you don't understand what it's like to live with such a parent and try to get along so you don't get abused

Or for that matter, what it's like to feel like you aren't worth standing up for even in a life/death situation. I'm pretty bothered by that response, too. If we all reacted in ideal, healthy ways and always acted rationally- why would we be here?

 

[Tanishq]

Hodge, I understand. Your mother is trying to cause you pain deliberately. May be she resents having those food issues. I think she is forcing you to go through what she went though, not nice. Sounds like she is a nasty person.

Please stay away from your mother.

 

[hodge]

I am a thousand miles away from her now, Tanishq, thanks. Moving here to be with my hubby proved to also be something I needed to do for myself to get away from her. And also to feel more safe than I ever have in my life.

 

[Tanishq]

That's very good for you hodge. You are with husband and all safe. To be around with love is always safe.

 

[hodge]

Yes, Tanishq. Except that I'm still getting flashbacks from that allergic reaction. It is so scary. Feeling like you could die, but you almost don't care because you feel so sick. I talked on the phone with my mother earlier tonight about work. I was able to keep it together. But after I hung up, I thought about confronting her about this, but figured that ultimately it wouldn't do any good. The story of my life is like, others have abused me, now I am left to clean up the damage. I don't like it, but it's the reality. Sometimes I wonder about the men who did bad things to me and whether they ever even think about it, but I have to stop myself from going there. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. It's me who is left to clean up the mess they did. I guess it is good that I was raised to be ultra-responsible. One benefit from my mother. Even though she did it for her own purposes, it has helped me to help myself.